nikkii
- Date posted
- 4y
nikkiinikkii
- Date posted
- 4y
are we all at the thinking we’re in denial stage
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
Probably 😂
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel the same, it’s like I have this new “desire” for women even though I don’t want one. I just want to get back to my boyfriend without so many doubts. Sending you both strength and love 💗
NOCD4me@123NOCD4me@123
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Sending strength and love back. It’s been so difficult for me because I’ve never been in a relationship, I’ve never had a boyfriend although I’ve always wanted one. And it’s just haunting me, like, of course you never could settle for a guy, of course you could never date, all along it’s because you were gay...and it makes me so upset like I’ve had crushes on guys they just never liked me back but my brain is pretending those never happened and i seriously feel like my mind is mush.
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
@NOCD4me@123 I completely understand how you feel, I feel so detached from my past “straightness” and it feels like I’ve just been another orientation all along. I don’t feel like myself anymore. But do remember there’s millions and millions of reasons for why certain things are the way they are. Maybe you are gay... or maybe you just haven’t met someone yet...maybe you have other fears and worries that have nothing to do with your orientation. I know it isn’t much help but I promise stepping into that unknown is a huge step forward. Right now I’ve finally dipped my toes in the water and I feel so..lost. But I’m not going crazy ruminating everyday(too much), and I feel just a little bit better. You can and you will get past this ❤️
NOCD4me@123NOCD4me@123
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus Yes, I haven’t felt truly like myself in a long time...and I definitely have plenty of fears and worries. It doesn’t help that my self esteem has taken quite a huge blow. Thank you for the kind words at least. I want to try and step into the unknown it’s just...nauseating and awful.
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 4y
@NOCD4me@123 Yup, but hopefully with time we will slowly feel like ourselves or at least ease into whatever life throws up. I completely understand, my self esteem is probably suffering right now as well though I’m not sure how yet. It’s definitely awful, but it’s the first step in breaking the cycle
lkkkk1234lkkkk1234
- Date posted
- 4y
@PinkLotus I feel you both. Sending love and strength. Every time I get over one thing something else comes in it’s place. I can’t stop thinking innore sexualg attracted to women and hate it. I hate living inside my head I wish I could ger the old me back. I’ve been stuck for two years and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Trying to just live my life but I feel so depressed. I feel like I’m the exception 100% mine is real and everyone else’s isn’t.
NOCD4me@123NOCD4me@123
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey it’s me again. I cried all last night because I think I’m just in denial. I feel really awful too. Idk what to do anymore either. So, you’re not alone.
nikkiinikkii
- Date posted
- 4y
we’ll get through this together
NOCD4me@123NOCD4me@123
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
@nikkii I hope so. I don’t know how much more I can handle. I’m starting to fall apart at work. I feel so in denial.
bluebellbluebell
- Date posted
- 4y
I don’t want to reassure, because that doesn’t help at all, but isn’t it quite coincidental that every single person who has had this theme, has thought at some point ‘What if I’m in denial’, are you going to say that all of those people were in denial? If you were to say that, then you’d have to say that all of the POCD sufferers are in denial, and all of the harm OCD sufferers were in denial, and I’m sure you feel a resistance to that. So before you pull that card on yourself, remember that you must judge yourself with the same logic that you judge other propel with, I.e. other OCD sufferers!
NOCD4me@123NOCD4me@123
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks for the insight 😊
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 4y
I feel like I’m in denial because I don’t know if I rlly don’t like my gf or if it’s just ROCD. Me and her started our break today and I regret it but my grandma says that maybe you guys should just be friends. I used to love my gf so much and got excited everytime I saw her and got sad when she left and now that doesn’t happen anymore. I really care about her and I wanan make her work but I don’t know if it’s me actually not liking her or the thoughts talking
Related posts
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 21w
im scared
my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 21w
panic. scared. it feels real
Right now I feel like I’ve realized something awful. Like maybe… I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasn’t ROCD — maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. That’s the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I “should,” not because I truly want to. I can’t remember how it felt to love him — and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m playing a role, not being myself. But the thing is… I’m not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this “realization” come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this — doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t break, and I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 21w
i cant do it
I feel like I’m falling apart. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He’s kind, loving, supportive — and I know he loves me deeply. But I can’t feel anything anymore. I sit next to him, and I feel numb. I kiss him, and it feels empty. I remember how I used to feel, and now… nothing. It terrifies me. The worst part is that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. I constantly question if I ever loved him, if I’m just forcing things out of guilt or fear. Sometimes I imagine breaking up, and I feel nothing — and that scares me even more. I keep thinking: if I really loved him, wouldn’t I feel it? I’ve read about ROCD. I want to believe that’s what this is. But the thoughts feel so real. And I can’t stop spiraling. My therapist didn’t help — she made me feel like maybe I was lying to myself. My mom either tells me to stop overthinking or gets angry. I have no one to really talk to. If anyone here has been through this — through the numbness, the “what if I never loved him?” thoughts, the feeling like it’s all fake — please tell me how you got through. I’m exhausted. I just want to feel peace again.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond