I genuinley can’t do this no more, I just want someone to listen and understand- I have started reading stories about girls realising they were gay from a young age and stuff like that and I match some of the symptoms. I used want to talk to “the cool girls” in olde years or if I got any attention from them I’d be buzzing. However ever since I got ocd I realised maybe it’s cos I like them? however I never fantazized about anything sexual or romantic it was genuinley like me wanting them to be my big sister or something. I’m so confused rn idk what to do and now I feel like I’m in denial and it’s making me think all the boys I think I’ve liked I haven’t :-(

I seriously have never thought about girls until now. It just never crossed my mind. I never liked or had feelings for a girl. And now that I’m constantly questioning everything and picturing everything. It just feels like I like it. It scares me, would I be happy with a girl ?? I don’t want to be with a girl but I feels like I do want this. It’s so confusing. I can’t tell whether this is actually ocd or I’m genuinely attracted to the same sex. I hate this so much !!! It’s like I just completely lost myself and questioned it so much I’ve just become lesbian but some things just don’t make sense. Why would I catch feelings for other boys? Never girls. I don’t know anymore. I’m happy with my boyfriend. Without these thoughts I’d be so good and so much more happy. Now I just don’t fucking know and this hurts so damn bad that I can’t just rest not one day. This is so damn stressful and hurtful to question your identity every single day. Sometimes I seriously just feel like I’m lesbian but I can’t seem to settle on that because I just can’t be. I want to just die. I hate what my mind is doing to me. I hate I have to go through these thoughts alone. I hate everything. I just want to crawl in a hole and never see anyone. I just want to hug my boyfriend and have my thoughts erased. I’ve thought too much and too deep I can’t stop. I’m crying from sadness because I don’t know what’s real anymore and I never in a million years thought this is something I’d have to deal with.

Okay so I have been struggling with HOCD for so fucking long. I never felt like I had crushes on boys growing up but I wasn’t attracted to girls either (this was through 5th grade). Until 6th grade hit. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had the thought walking up the stairs and it was “You’re lesbian.” And ever since that thought was there and I fought it I have been dealing with all types of OCD ever since (been going on for 7 years). And only this year I found it was OCD. But it’s hard because I don’t know if I’m actually gay or I convinced myself I’m gay because I gave up and gave in. Now whenever I see I pretty girl I feel tingling. And I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t a lesbian so I look up pretty pictures of girls with their boobs out and I loved it. And I wanna make out with a girl so intensely. But then at the same I don’t wanna be in a relationship with a girl and I wanna marry a guy and I just desperately wanted to be like by a guy. But I get so horny whenever girls are in bikinis and stuff. But I have OCD and I’m so confused.

Please help me figure this out I remember when I was in 11th grade I had my first crush on a girl. I would say she was my first crush. because I would always love to go to school just to see her face lol . I always was so nervous on the bus ride to school. because I knew she rode the bus just like me . I would want to go to school just to see her . Long story short I never got the chance to tell her how I felt about her because my social anxiety. I start watching Porn a lot in that's when I got this Sexual Orientation Ocd . I don't really know what I want right know .when I did have that crush on the girl I just was attracted to women and girls . Now that I've got this SOCD stuff I fine man attractive but I don't wanna do anything sexual with them I just find them. P.S I'm a girl