Anyone here struggle with suicidal OCD? If so and you have experience please help me understand what I'm doing wrong. So am I supposed to sit with the thought of harming myself. Zip... That's all, or do I tell myself and BELIEVE I'm going to do it? I'm so confused. I feel my brain already tells me I will, why would I try to give it more power. Please respond

I'm new to NOCD and have been dealing with harm/suicidal, and Pure OCD for some time now. It started off being healthy related anxiety that led to compulsion where I would research information on an uncommon illness or something I thought I had. Now it has snowballed into intrusive thoughts and images of me killing myself in various ways or my wife. The former is what has been the most debilitating and hardest to shake. Recently I seem to find triggers almost every where I look. "What if I killed myself this way" if I see a kitchen knife or a bottle of pills. A friend talked about going to a gun range a while back and an image popped up of me being there and turning a gun to myself which is something I dont want to do. I love life and its so painful to go through thoughts that try to tell me otherwise. That particular image/thought has really stuck with me. I know about ERP and my therapist said I could rip the bandaid off and go to a gun range but it terrifies me. I don't own any weapons but I often think, "what if I buy one and im actually suicidal?" Just typing it makes me anxious. I'm wanting to start a low dose of Prozac which opens up another can of worms about worried my "overdose thought" will come true, on top of potential side effects. This is long winded but im looking for any advice to get through this. I know others are worse off than me but considering I've never been like this and it only started 6 months ago, I'm really struggling. Thanks everyone.

Hey y’all. I have suicidal OCD and I feel that it manifests in a strange way. I feel like my brain often encourages me to kill myself. Like my most dominant thought isn’t ’what if you kill yourself’, it’s ’you should kill yourself.’ It tends to amp up every time I make some mistake, even if it’s small. And it definitely gets worse during times of stress. I don’t want to kill myself and I wouldn’t consider myself depressed. But if these thoughts are OCD, and are my brain trying to keep me safe from killing myself, why would it tell me to? I’d appreciate any insight.

About 2 months ago, I sliced my arm so deep in an attempt to make this all go away.. as there was blood spurting like everywhere my life flashed before my eyes and I could hear my parents laughing in the room beside me. I started screaming for help as my eyes flooded with tears. How could their little girl do that to herself?? I was able to get to the ER and have my arm stitched up.. making my attempt a fail. But I’m so scared. I don’t want to do something like that again. I’ve never seen my parents cry except for then. The fear in their eyes haunts me up to this day. But that’s the only thing that relieves my pain. Can someone help or relate to this ???