Did you talk to your family about it? Why/why not? What was the responses?

Basically, I've kept a secret from my family, specifically parents, for a couple of years now. This isn't something I'm proud of. It just sort of happened, and then I stupidly kept digging a deeper hole, fearing how they'd react. But tonight, my mom and I were talking, and she brought up how a few years back, she'd stopped talking to my aunt (for about a year) after they got into a disagreement/argument. Long story short, my aunt lied about a decision she'd made due to the fear of how her parents would react. The only person who knew the truth was my mom. My mom said she didn't like how my aunt was hiding this from the rest of the family because it felt like "manipulating their reactions," in a way. My aunt's since told the rest of the family, and everything ended up okay. They talk all the time now. But this conversation with my mom really hit me. It's embarrassing to admit, but there were these online courses I was supposed to be taking. But I fell behind due to no motivation and probably no self-discipline. And initially, the lie I told was small. I planned to catch up, so I didn't see the issue. But then I could never get through the lessons. I couldn't pay attention, I'd space out, go on my phone, get distracted, or fall asleep. I don't know if it's just laziness or lack of motivation. I'd been really depressed back then. But still, I've barely gotten through any of it. Out of guilt, fear, or shame, I kept building onto this lie that I was getting through the coursework. But I wasn't. I've carried all this guilt, yet I've never worked up the courage to be honest because I feel like I'd lose their trust forever, or they'd use it against me. And part of me thinks they'd have a right to react that way. I feel selfish for keeping this to myself. For lying and building onto the lie continuously over the last couple of years. I'm so ashamed, but I kept telling myself that I'd bounce back, but I just never did. I needed help, but I was too afraid to reach out for it. I just really need advice, I guess. Despite all of this, I really hate lying. It feels icky, and it only ever exacerbates things. I've been so open with my parents about everything except this. And I don't want that. I know I need to be honest with them, but I don't know how. I'm still afraid, but continuing to hide this is worse. I love my parents. I'm just terrified of disappointing them, or them losing all trust in me. I think my mom using the word, "manipulating," while describing my aunts situation and the reason for keeping her secret really sent my mind spiraling with all these terrible "what ifs" on how my parents might react. I feel terrible, and I've felt guilty for a long time, but... Yeah, I don't know. I'd appreciate advice, or just... thoughts. I don't know at this point. I'll take anything 😭🙏🏻 I'm thinking about telling my psychiatrist about all of this when I next see her, if anything.

Genuinely why is it okay to not tell everything about your past to others? Even if it’s past mistakes to family and so?

LONG VENT POST: This is my second post of the day. Seriously, I am SO sorry. I have therapy tomorrow, I promise I will shut up after this lmao. Anyway, for Memorial Day weekend, I spent it at my aunt/uncles vacation house. Fortunately it wasn’t a big crowd - just my mom, grandmother, aunt, uncle and I. For context, I come from a pretty big family, and I am the youngest of 7 cousins and a younger sister to two brothers. All my cousins are in their early to mid 20’s, each very successful in school and their careers. My half brother is 29, and absolutely crushing it. My full brother is turning 23, he’s also doing amazing with school. I just turned 20 in April, I feel very lost. I know I want to be a forensic psychiatrist one day, and that I want my PhD. I want to be the best therapist I can be, but the fact that I barely get by with ocd/adhd has been discouraging me, so I currently feel like a flop. Anyway though, spending time with my aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents triggers my ocd the most, as majority of them can be on the judgmental side. ESPECIALLY my aunt, she’s on my moms side, and she and my mom are total opposites. My aunts a very calculated, straightforward, logical, stern, sassy buisnesswoman. She’s successful, but lacks a lot of understanding and can be so cold and just mean. My moms a kindergarten teacher in a struggling community, and she’s always thinking about others before herself, extremely emotional, caring, but neglects her own needs a lot. They’re sisters, and they bump heads a ton. My aunt and all of her kids aren’t neurodivergent. They simply don’t understand mental health. My mom does, thank god. My aunt and uncle think that if a kid is having a psychotic break, then that kid should be kicked out of the house and not helped at all. My mom and I entirely disagree with this idea, and that someone clearly mentally suffering NEEDS mental health help asap, and they need to be home. The streets are the last place someone suffering should be. While we were vacationing at the house, my mom argued about this with my uncle. I was asleep, thank god, but I seriously hate having people in my family like this. I can never tell them about me having ocd, they’ll think it’s just an “excuse” for not getting things done, or just me trying to feel special. The reality is, they don’t get it. My full brother went through the worst psychotic break a few years ago. It lasted two years on and off due to bipolar disorder, but thank god he got himself help and he’s doing absolutely amazing now. He’s frustrated and embarassed with himself but now he’s on track, and as I said, crushing it with school. But the entire time he was going through this, my aunt and uncle just didn’t understand. To keep it short, they thought his mental problems were behavioral, and that he’s a “crazy” kid. The reality is, he was coping with the loss of his childhood best friend and our other uncle who was like a second father figure to us. He had manic episodes from the grief and self medicating with drugs and alcohol. This was all the while Covid was happening and he was a freshman at a college states away. He was so vunerable. I’m saying all this because, well, how am I to seriously be forward about my mental struggles when they couldn’t even show the slightest amount of empathy to my brother, who was struggling, so much more intensely than me? I’m quiet at family gatherings when they’re around for this exact reason. I have so much resentment toward them for it. I try to avoid them when I can, because I love them, I just hate their actions/views. What do you guys do with these kinds of people?