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Please, please listen to this - I can imagine how isolated you feel. OCD singles out humiliating moments in our lives and puts them on a pedestal and makes them so much more big and powerful than they would EVER need to be. I see that you glaze over the fact that you were a child, but that’s really, really important context. Children do all sorts of embarrassing things that most of us just block out or pretend never happened. I baby sit a lot of children, and you would be surprised at the sorts of things I see regularly, so please don’t think that this is a perverse or abhorrent thing because it’s just childhood behaviour. Children navigate the world and understand themselves in ways that, when you grow up, you look back and think, ‘oh my god, what was I thinking?’. You were a child. I promise you, this is normal behaviour as bizarre as it may seem looking back now you’re older. You don’t need to let this define you, dear god! There’s so much more to your history than that moment. If we all defined ourselves by the actions of our childhood self, we’d all be mortified and ashamed. Just look forward and try and focus on what’s most important, whether that’s school work, friends, family! It doesn’t matter whether intrusive thoughts interrupt, you can live your life with these intrusive thoughts. Try some ERP, and avoid compulsions at all cost - whether that’s trying to find things from your childhood that make you ‘normal’, or coming on here! I’m sending my love, I hope you can grow from this❤️

you need to just accept the past and move on as hard as it is, there’s no point in living in the past as it’s stopping you from living right now. You need to accept what you done and move on from it, everyone has done stuff they regret from when they were younger.

Also, i don't think you're bad, we all do stuff as kids that we look back on and are horrified about.

You could also try when these thoughts/ memories pop up telling yourself "yup, I'm a terrible person, I'm the worst and should be canceled" and then just trying to let go and not try to ruminate. When it comes back just say it again. That way you're not trying to figure out if you're bad, etc you're letting your brain know that yup you're done with this thought. It's weird but with ocd if you do the opposite of what you think you should do, that's what helps.

We’ve all done stupid, horrible things as children. There is freedom in the Lord. Read Romans in the Bible