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bluebell

Date posted: 4y

Please, please listen to this - I can imagine how isolated you feel. OCD singles out humiliating moments in our lives and puts them on a pedestal and makes them so much more big and powerful than they would EVER need to be. I see that you glaze over the fact that you were a child, but that’s really, really important context. Children do all sorts of embarrassing things that most of us just block out or pretend never happened. I baby sit a lot of children, and you would be surprised at the sorts of things I see regularly, so please don’t think that this is a perverse or abhorrent thing because it’s just childhood behaviour. Children navigate the world and understand themselves in ways that, when you grow up, you look back and think, ‘oh my god, what was I thinking?’. You were a child. I promise you, this is normal behaviour as bizarre as it may seem looking back now you’re older. You don’t need to let this define you, dear god! There’s so much more to your history than that moment. If we all defined ourselves by the actions of our childhood self, we’d all be mortified and ashamed. Just look forward and try and focus on what’s most important, whether that’s school work, friends, family! It doesn’t matter whether intrusive thoughts interrupt, you can live your life with these intrusive thoughts. Try some ERP, and avoid compulsions at all cost - whether that’s trying to find things from your childhood that make you ‘normal’, or coming on here! I’m sending my love, I hope you can grow from this❤️

bluebell

Date posted: 4y

@annonymous I’m so glad I could help, even if it was just a bit. I understand, that’s still curiousity I promise you. Trust me, I’ve seen weirder! I understand this was probably reassurance, but it’s important you knew this because I’m sure it was driving you up the wall. Just remember that from now on, letting this memory exist without the need to interfere with it is what’s gonna be most valuable for you! You’re gonna be okay, give yourself time ❤️

miiii

Date posted: 4y

@annonymous Yes, this is normal. That's why reassurance doesn't work. Try out what i suggested earlier air telling yourself "yup I'm actually a bad person and i knew what i was doing etc" best of luck. Erp really helps

ocdyousuck

Date posted: 4y

you need to just accept the past and move on as hard as it is, there’s no point in living in the past as it’s stopping you from living right now. You need to accept what you done and move on from it, everyone has done stuff they regret from when they were younger.

ocdyousuck

Date posted: 4y

@annonymous I know it’s hard but no one is going to figure out anything unless you were to tell them. You should just forget it and try not think too deeply about it as you said you were young! It would be different if you still felt that way or done it, and if that was the case I’d suggest talking to a therapist but like you said you were a child! You’re not a shitty person

miiii

Date posted: 4y

Also, i don't think you're bad, we all do stuff as kids that we look back on and are horrified about.

miiii

Date posted: 4y

You could also try when these thoughts/ memories pop up telling yourself "yup, I'm a terrible person, I'm the worst and should be canceled" and then just trying to let go and not try to ruminate. When it comes back just say it again. That way you're not trying to figure out if you're bad, etc you're letting your brain know that yup you're done with this thought. It's weird but with ocd if you do the opposite of what you think you should do, that's what helps.

pika14

Date posted: 4y

We’ve all done stupid, horrible things as children. There is freedom in the Lord. Read Romans in the Bible

anonymousgg

Date posted: 25w

Do I deserve to be forgiven? TW animal a***

When I was a child 7-10, I had this wonderful dog. I loved him so much. However sometimes, I would hit him out of either anger or because I liked the way he would lick my hand to say 'sorry'. At age 13, my OCD sparked up badly. I had no idea what it was, but I would bully him. Badly. He was never hurt, but he was agitated. Then I found some kittens and saved them just after turning 14. I let them stay in my room with me for a few weeks to help them. One very early morning, however, they raged me so bad that I began hitting them nonstop. They didn't cry, nor do run away. Hell, all of my pets were never ever scared of me. They loved me for some reason. For so long I've been doing my best to help animals and adore my pets, and I've sworn to never EVER hurt an animal again. I love them so much. I remember though I would never hit them so hard to make them cry out, because I've been inflicting the way I hit them onto my arms and thighs to see how bad it hurt, and gladly, it didn't really hurt. Stung a bit, at most, but doesn't make what I did anymore okay. Do I deserve my babies anymore? Do I deserve to even live? I feel so ashamed and I don't want to use my OCD as an excuse, nor say that maybe I was traumatised because of it because people have been through worse than me, so I don't want to compare. Any small comment will do, thank you for reading

Anonymous

Date posted: 20w

PLEASE HELP ME. PLEASE. I'M BEGGING.

Okay so I'm young. A bit young than u might Imagine. Me and my boyfriend where bored and I searched up gay porn js as a joke on google. It was completely blurred. And we where js talking about our truma, and personal stuff while literally just looking at the titles. And I saw a title. A title that has trumstixed me before (I saw the actual video before involving a minor. ) and I clicked on it, still heavily blurred to show my boyfriend the title. And i said baby this really effected me this video. And then I looked below it, same video, blurred. Different title. And I clicked on it to stupidly read the other title. And it FUCKING UNBLURRED. and I SCREAMED saying to my boyfriend if he saw it. And he said no he looked away. And he was so unfazed. And I asked chat gpt about it and it said what I done was NOT okay. Because I looked at child stuff on purpose? My heart has just SANK. self harm urges are back. INTENSE confession compulsions to my mum are back. What do I do. Please someone help.

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 16w

Distressed 18+

I feel nauseous. Extremely sick, i cannot eat, cant sleep well, and I haven't enjoyed things I normally enjoy to cry in bed and spiral for several days already. I feel extremely anxious over my past real events. I remembered something extremely triggering. I used to be morbidly curious about crimes and like I remember when i was a younger teen I watched a dark documentary that honestly i shouldnt have watched. There was this extremely weird scene and i think i felt weirded out but also a little aroused? but only bc I was thinking "lucky, shes already having sex. I wish I was her so i could experience it too." The poor person was like 1-3 years younger than me at the time. I KNOW how wrong that is now i legit feel like im going to throw up rn. Anyway I think I felt a little aroused??? And I think I touched myself a little bit and imagined myself in her place? I dont think I enjoyed it bc i remember it felt forced and weird and i stopped. I never did it again. I feel so sick! I would NEVER watch a documentary like that now as an adult and think or touch myself to it thats just so wrong but im scared that this is a sign im a sicko/p. I remmeber crying at the end of the documentary bc I felt disturbed by the contents but i still put some in my watch later out of morbid curiosity to see more real cases of these crimes bc they scared me. I never watched them again though. It only happened once and it was before my ocd started which SCARES me even more!!! And i wouldnt watch them as an adult either theyre too disturbing! I regret it so badly and feel like a monster bc it was messed up. Like what was wrong with me?! Theyre extremely disturbing to me and I rather avoid such content bc its triggering to my ocd but im afraid now like was that a sign of me possibly being a p? Am I a monster??? Am I in denial? Is this even ocd?! I feel so much shame and guilt it's killing me. 😔

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