TW POCD Does anyone else have intrusive thoughts about watching CP? There was a Black Mirror episode about it, and ever since I watched a year ago it’s been non stop. I’m currently doing ERP with a specialist and I’m hoping it will help in the long run. Tonight, I got the feeling that my mind was telling me “go, do it!!” It felt so real. Anyone else hear a tiny voice like that? Provides for some serious doubts about who I am. Anyway, hope everyone is doing well, this stuff is a struggle to say the least

I don’t know of anyone with POCD that has ever acted or wanted to act on the thoughts. But not being to tell the difference is what drives the fear and guilt and shame. Not your fault, but the implication that there is a connection between the two is itself very triggering. There are many times when I myself believe I must be a pedophile for these constant thoughts and doubts. In the end, I can never know. It’s not fun having to live with the uncertainty that you could be or are the worst version of yourself possible. I have to live every day doubting whether I am or not. ERP is trying to build up my own confidence and strength that the theme of my thoughts is not relevant. POCD is the same fear and anxiety as contamination, violence, drugs, relationship, sexuality. But being as pedophiles are the worst of the worst, it only creates more doubt and fear. It is very hard for those with POCD to discuss this with anyone. I would love nothing more than to sign a contract that says I’ll be a good person forever and will never do a bad thing, being evil is the last thing I ever want to be. But I have to live with the uncertainties that I could be evil. Thoughts and actions are very very different.

I’m not over it for sure haha. But it is better. Part of my ERP is typing in my nightmare scenario into google search and just staring at it. For example “child porn” (this is ERP right now ha!). And then I stare for 60 seconds. I hope to one day take the child locks off my phone (I have blocks on inappropriate content right now as an ongoing compulsion - in my mind it protects me from accidentally looking at illegal material)

I am a fellow black mirror fan and when I watched that episode my OCD went crazy for like a week

When I watched the episode same thing happened to me

Omg me top i had to shut down my laptop because my mind told me to google it... I am too afraid to watch the black mirror episode but I heard of it

I've had that voice multiple times. It's scary. But you have to remember that your brain wants to keep thinking about it and so it'll do anything to make you react.

I watched that episode around a year ago and had a similar reaction, it was the first big trigger of my ocd and its been awful ever since :(

What if you come across something on the web that seemed sketchy lets say, but that just seemed to trigger it, and start the thoughts? It was a legitimate accident, but you feel that you just couldn’t turn away? And it has never been an issue until then. I hate it. And now it feels like I’ve kinda accepted it? Idk whats real or not. I wish i could just walk away from it for the rest of my life and block it out, but i feel like its stuck with me!

I haven't watched this but my daughter does, what is CP ? Yes as far as tiny voice, Yep..when I'm really bad, not an audible one, of course.

Its like a dystopic show set in the future and in this particular episode you are led to believe that the main character is innocent but they'd actually watched child pornography- this really set of my OCD when I found out the character had done that

Oh yeah ok, I get it..yes, I've been there,not on that subject but another that was devastating to me.

Would it still be pocd if or anytype of ocd if someone acted on these thoughts? Thats my confusion, like whats the difference between pocd and being a straight up ped?

In the end, POCD do not want these worries or concerns. I’d do anything to get rid of them.

Im sadly, dealing with this intrusive "urge" right now. How did u get over this? It's so scary, i get triggered even by the words "Dark Web" & "Tor Browser"

I just got to know Tor Browser is very easy to download & this is freaking me out at the moment. I feel like Im gonna lose control, go to the dark web & watch illegal stuff like CP, Ppl getting murdered & stuff. Im so terrified right now. I feel like Im gonna give in to my intrusive "urge". Im so scared. Tho i really, really dont want to. My anxiety levels have gone up so high