- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t know of anyone with POCD that has ever acted or wanted to act on the thoughts. But not being to tell the difference is what drives the fear and guilt and shame. Not your fault, but the implication that there is a connection between the two is itself very triggering. There are many times when I myself believe I must be a pedophile for these constant thoughts and doubts. In the end, I can never know. It’s not fun having to live with the uncertainty that you could be or are the worst version of yourself possible. I have to live every day doubting whether I am or not. ERP is trying to build up my own confidence and strength that the theme of my thoughts is not relevant. POCD is the same fear and anxiety as contamination, violence, drugs, relationship, sexuality. But being as pedophiles are the worst of the worst, it only creates more doubt and fear. It is very hard for those with POCD to discuss this with anyone. I would love nothing more than to sign a contract that says I’ll be a good person forever and will never do a bad thing, being evil is the last thing I ever want to be. But I have to live with the uncertainties that I could be evil. Thoughts and actions are very very different.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m not over it for sure haha. But it is better. Part of my ERP is typing in my nightmare scenario into google search and just staring at it. For example “child porn” (this is ERP right now ha!). And then I stare for 60 seconds. I hope to one day take the child locks off my phone (I have blocks on inappropriate content right now as an ongoing compulsion - in my mind it protects me from accidentally looking at illegal material)
- Date posted
- 6y
I am a fellow black mirror fan and when I watched that episode my OCD went crazy for like a week
- Date posted
- 6y
When I watched the episode same thing happened to me
- Date posted
- 6y
Omg me top i had to shut down my laptop because my mind told me to google it... I am too afraid to watch the black mirror episode but I heard of it
- Date posted
- 6y
I've had that voice multiple times. It's scary. But you have to remember that your brain wants to keep thinking about it and so it'll do anything to make you react.
- Date posted
- 6y
I watched that episode around a year ago and had a similar reaction, it was the first big trigger of my ocd and its been awful ever since :(
- Date posted
- 6y
What if you come across something on the web that seemed sketchy lets say, but that just seemed to trigger it, and start the thoughts? It was a legitimate accident, but you feel that you just couldn’t turn away? And it has never been an issue until then. I hate it. And now it feels like I’ve kinda accepted it? Idk whats real or not. I wish i could just walk away from it for the rest of my life and block it out, but i feel like its stuck with me!
- Date posted
- 6y
I just got to know Tor Browser is very easy to download & this is freaking me out at the moment. I feel like Im gonna lose control, go to the dark web & watch illegal stuff like CP, Ppl getting murdered & stuff. Im so terrified right now. I feel like Im gonna give in to my intrusive "urge". Im so scared. Tho i really, really dont want to. My anxiety levels have gone up so high
- Date posted
- 6y
I haven't watched this but my daughter does, what is CP ? Yes as far as tiny voice, Yep..when I'm really bad, not an audible one, of course.
- Date posted
- 6y
Its like a dystopic show set in the future and in this particular episode you are led to believe that the main character is innocent but they'd actually watched child pornography- this really set of my OCD when I found out the character had done that
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh yeah ok, I get it..yes, I've been there,not on that subject but another that was devastating to me.
- Date posted
- 6y
Would it still be pocd if or anytype of ocd if someone acted on these thoughts? Thats my confusion, like whats the difference between pocd and being a straight up ped?
- Date posted
- 6y
In the end, POCD do not want these worries or concerns. I’d do anything to get rid of them.
- Date posted
- 6y
Im sadly, dealing with this intrusive "urge" right now. How did u get over this? It's so scary, i get triggered even by the words "Dark Web" & "Tor Browser"
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Does anyone else struggle with this? It's been the main thing powering my POCD, and it's only been getting worse. Especially when I see posts online of people sharing their personal stories relating to CSA, specifically grooming. It's so triggering now, but before this theme developed, the most I'd feel while reading posts like that would be disgust targeted towards people who did those things. Now, my first thought is, "What if I do something like that one day? What if I've done it before and I don't remember or didn't know I was doing it?" I have many, many different intrusive thoughts or worries related to this theme, but it all circles back to this specific fear that I'll become like the people who hurt and took advantage of me. Does anyone have advice for this? I'm not sure if I've asked a similar question in the past or not, but is this something I need to deal with separately before beginning ERP for OCD? I'm just curious and also lost on where to begin with all of this. I'm just glad I'm able to begin working through all of these issues now, rather than later in life when I'd probably have a lot more responsibilities. Anyways, any feedback is appreciated! 🤍
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- Date posted
- 20w
Mentions pocd Tw Tw Tw Tw Tw Tw Tw Tw My brain told me I looked up cp and I know I definitely did not but my brain played a memory of me looking it up and being on a website … I know it’s from a TikTok video about Africa and saving kids from slavery that the thought appeared from but still it’s terrifying I didn’t look it up
- Date posted
- 19w
I didn’t know this but my Pure-O began when i was around 11/12 years old with a violent thought to hurt someone I love. This thought brought me tears. I tried supressing it, “praying” it away, thinking good things, distracting myself etc. But this thought always came back to haunt me. It was on/off for about 13 years. Just this past week, I recently got an image/thought of hurting someone I love and it scares me. I use smart devices to track my sleep and exercise and both devices show that my heart rate is much beyond what it should be. I have had difficulty sleeping the past 3 nights with very little REM and deep sleep because of this thought. I’m worried this could cause me to spiral. I feel anxious all day because I’m trying to avoid thinking this thought, but it keeps coming back. I’m waiting to book a call with a NOCD to see what my options are. I hope I can get effective treatment. 🥺🫶🏻
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