- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t know of anyone with POCD that has ever acted or wanted to act on the thoughts. But not being to tell the difference is what drives the fear and guilt and shame. Not your fault, but the implication that there is a connection between the two is itself very triggering. There are many times when I myself believe I must be a pedophile for these constant thoughts and doubts. In the end, I can never know. It’s not fun having to live with the uncertainty that you could be or are the worst version of yourself possible. I have to live every day doubting whether I am or not. ERP is trying to build up my own confidence and strength that the theme of my thoughts is not relevant. POCD is the same fear and anxiety as contamination, violence, drugs, relationship, sexuality. But being as pedophiles are the worst of the worst, it only creates more doubt and fear. It is very hard for those with POCD to discuss this with anyone. I would love nothing more than to sign a contract that says I’ll be a good person forever and will never do a bad thing, being evil is the last thing I ever want to be. But I have to live with the uncertainties that I could be evil. Thoughts and actions are very very different.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m not over it for sure haha. But it is better. Part of my ERP is typing in my nightmare scenario into google search and just staring at it. For example “child porn” (this is ERP right now ha!). And then I stare for 60 seconds. I hope to one day take the child locks off my phone (I have blocks on inappropriate content right now as an ongoing compulsion - in my mind it protects me from accidentally looking at illegal material)
- Date posted
- 6y
I am a fellow black mirror fan and when I watched that episode my OCD went crazy for like a week
- Date posted
- 6y
When I watched the episode same thing happened to me
- Date posted
- 6y
Omg me top i had to shut down my laptop because my mind told me to google it... I am too afraid to watch the black mirror episode but I heard of it
- Date posted
- 6y
I've had that voice multiple times. It's scary. But you have to remember that your brain wants to keep thinking about it and so it'll do anything to make you react.
- Date posted
- 6y
I watched that episode around a year ago and had a similar reaction, it was the first big trigger of my ocd and its been awful ever since :(
- Date posted
- 6y
What if you come across something on the web that seemed sketchy lets say, but that just seemed to trigger it, and start the thoughts? It was a legitimate accident, but you feel that you just couldn’t turn away? And it has never been an issue until then. I hate it. And now it feels like I’ve kinda accepted it? Idk whats real or not. I wish i could just walk away from it for the rest of my life and block it out, but i feel like its stuck with me!
- Date posted
- 6y
I just got to know Tor Browser is very easy to download & this is freaking me out at the moment. I feel like Im gonna lose control, go to the dark web & watch illegal stuff like CP, Ppl getting murdered & stuff. Im so terrified right now. I feel like Im gonna give in to my intrusive "urge". Im so scared. Tho i really, really dont want to. My anxiety levels have gone up so high
- Date posted
- 6y
I haven't watched this but my daughter does, what is CP ? Yes as far as tiny voice, Yep..when I'm really bad, not an audible one, of course.
- Date posted
- 6y
Its like a dystopic show set in the future and in this particular episode you are led to believe that the main character is innocent but they'd actually watched child pornography- this really set of my OCD when I found out the character had done that
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh yeah ok, I get it..yes, I've been there,not on that subject but another that was devastating to me.
- Date posted
- 6y
Would it still be pocd if or anytype of ocd if someone acted on these thoughts? Thats my confusion, like whats the difference between pocd and being a straight up ped?
- Date posted
- 6y
In the end, POCD do not want these worries or concerns. I’d do anything to get rid of them.
- Date posted
- 6y
Im sadly, dealing with this intrusive "urge" right now. How did u get over this? It's so scary, i get triggered even by the words "Dark Web" & "Tor Browser"
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
so I’ve been seeking therapy for my OCD for a few years. The theme that I’ve been dealing with most recently is the fear of becoming a pedophile, which then has led to intrusive images of me doing things to kids.Which now is just causing me so much distress and 24/7 constant thought cycle. I am starting to not be able to tell the difference between thoughts that are wanted/ unwanted- the line has become some blurry and these things are starting to feel like someothing i want to do. My brain keeps telling me to just test these thoughts and the “maybe”or”i don’t know” isn’t working. This has become such a barrier because the second layer is that I’m afraid that if I just let the thoughts be there it’ll make me be OK with doing those things and the fear is what’s keeping me from actually doing something inappropriate. It’s also transitioned into intrusive thoughts and images of me doing something very disgusting to my dog and that when I’m cuddling with him I get the thoughts to just do it or try it to see if i am actually a p*do. it’s almost like the compulsion would be to do the inappropriate thing, even though I know it’s wrong just to see how it would make me feel. I feel like i can’t control these urges even though i’ve never acted on it. At any point i could just do it. I’ve never had these thoughts before up until about a year and a half ago when my friend‘s boyfriend got arrested for soliciting a minor then all these thoughts came to life.Has anyone experienced something like this and have any advice?
- Date posted
- 12w
* Mentions of Sexual OCD, Hypersexuality, among other things. Recently, I had started to feel so much better, after trying to do some ERP therapy at home, i could feel myself becoming much more capable of holding back intrusive thoughts. Well since yesterday.. or, i dont know when, its been absolutely destroyed. About a month ago, I went out with some friends to the mall. everything was great, until while at the arcade, me and one of my friends tried pranking the other two by running off without them noticing. Well it backfired, one of the others went with him, and i was left with someone who i’ll just call J for the sake of simplicity. To cut it short, we had already pranked J earlier, so I stayed back to tell him about what we were trying to do, and things got weird. He started telling me to ‘go to the bathroom’ with him. I’ll admit that i didnt know what to say, i just felt off, but i wasnt going to do any of that. But i didnt say no. Long story short, i had to use the bathroom, so i left the arcade and went to another and luckily my friend distracted J so he wouldnt follow me in. I’d like to also add now that I have someone that i love dearly, me and him arent really together yet, but its a mutual thing. After that i cried when i returned home. and eventually i moved on, blocked the guy and everything. Now, i don’t know why, or how, but i cant stop having images in my head of what would’ve happened if i did do it. If i did go to the bathroom. And at the same time it shows me images of things happening in my own house, i see it in the shower, while on my couch, even while eating. And it doesnt stop at the sexual stuff, No. It shows me romantic versions of all this; hugging, kissing, holding hands, and in the background it mostly shows sexual scenes. All while giving me groinal responses and weird sensations that are akin to attraction of some kind. Im losing my mind trying to get it to stop. Its eating me alive, and its gotten to the point where i feel like im cheating on my partner. And my mind keeps tellint me that i actually dont love my partner, that I should’ve just gone along with what J was saying, and its making me feel like i dont really love my partner. That i should just unblock and text J. Its making me feel like ive fallen out of love and i dont know why, what if i did fall out of love? what if i end up doing something wrong, or making the wrong choice? Im scared of not loving my partner. I love my partner too much to lose him to this bullcrap. Has anyone else dealt with this? I feel lost and I dont know what to do. I cant even think about my own partner, not even about me hugging him, it gets replaced with J, everytime i try to think about anything it gets replaced in some way with something related to J. Even if i see a show, and i see someone that reminds me of J i instantly start getting intrusive thoughts and images. I feel so horrible, i feel like I’ve failed my relationship somehow. I dont know what to do.
- Date posted
- 9w
I've never shared anything on here before but I read a lot and I will say I am thankful for this community. I have had OCD my whole life. When I was a child I remember having thoughts in my head that made me uncomfortable, although I couldn't remember what they all were. I would neutralize them with a word. I would have nightly confessions to my mom. I do remember a very specific intrusive thought about God that made me panic and I remember exactly where I was. I would wash my hands until they bled to "prevent" something bad from happening. I developed sexual Instrusive thoughts of my brother being romantically interested in me and it scared me so much, I always fought with him for the imagined fear that played in my mind. I have a bit of harm OCD and my biggest nemesis is POCD. I am in ERP therapy but my mind WILL not let me do what I need to work on because I'm living in constant fear or what if this isn't just OCD. I cut out my compulsive prayer after a thought, but my big one is mental checking. I have to gauge the perfect reaction to a thought to figure out I don't feel any way about it. My mind puts myself or children in situations to check how I feel and it's constant. I can't even call that intrusive anymore, it's an automatic compulsion. One "compulsion" I find interesting and wanted some insights on is when I see an adult on tv talking, I imagine them as a child. Not even sexually. Just how they might have acted as a child that led them to their characters personality. I also have trained my mind to think sexual relationships with adults are "dangerous" because they used to be kids. My mind will not stop ruminating, will not stop trying to show me proof of my obsession. I have dreamed of finding life since I was 9, I identify as a straight female, always interested in adult men. I've struggled with this theme since my early 20s and it started out so little, with just random words and images that I dismissed away with my compulsions but now it has spread and over taken my mind with excessive doubt.
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