- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t know of anyone with POCD that has ever acted or wanted to act on the thoughts. But not being to tell the difference is what drives the fear and guilt and shame. Not your fault, but the implication that there is a connection between the two is itself very triggering. There are many times when I myself believe I must be a pedophile for these constant thoughts and doubts. In the end, I can never know. It’s not fun having to live with the uncertainty that you could be or are the worst version of yourself possible. I have to live every day doubting whether I am or not. ERP is trying to build up my own confidence and strength that the theme of my thoughts is not relevant. POCD is the same fear and anxiety as contamination, violence, drugs, relationship, sexuality. But being as pedophiles are the worst of the worst, it only creates more doubt and fear. It is very hard for those with POCD to discuss this with anyone. I would love nothing more than to sign a contract that says I’ll be a good person forever and will never do a bad thing, being evil is the last thing I ever want to be. But I have to live with the uncertainties that I could be evil. Thoughts and actions are very very different.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m not over it for sure haha. But it is better. Part of my ERP is typing in my nightmare scenario into google search and just staring at it. For example “child porn” (this is ERP right now ha!). And then I stare for 60 seconds. I hope to one day take the child locks off my phone (I have blocks on inappropriate content right now as an ongoing compulsion - in my mind it protects me from accidentally looking at illegal material)
- Date posted
- 6y
I am a fellow black mirror fan and when I watched that episode my OCD went crazy for like a week
- Date posted
- 6y
When I watched the episode same thing happened to me
- Date posted
- 6y
Omg me top i had to shut down my laptop because my mind told me to google it... I am too afraid to watch the black mirror episode but I heard of it
- Date posted
- 6y
I've had that voice multiple times. It's scary. But you have to remember that your brain wants to keep thinking about it and so it'll do anything to make you react.
- Date posted
- 6y
I watched that episode around a year ago and had a similar reaction, it was the first big trigger of my ocd and its been awful ever since :(
- Date posted
- 6y
What if you come across something on the web that seemed sketchy lets say, but that just seemed to trigger it, and start the thoughts? It was a legitimate accident, but you feel that you just couldn’t turn away? And it has never been an issue until then. I hate it. And now it feels like I’ve kinda accepted it? Idk whats real or not. I wish i could just walk away from it for the rest of my life and block it out, but i feel like its stuck with me!
- Date posted
- 6y
I just got to know Tor Browser is very easy to download & this is freaking me out at the moment. I feel like Im gonna lose control, go to the dark web & watch illegal stuff like CP, Ppl getting murdered & stuff. Im so terrified right now. I feel like Im gonna give in to my intrusive "urge". Im so scared. Tho i really, really dont want to. My anxiety levels have gone up so high
- Date posted
- 6y
I haven't watched this but my daughter does, what is CP ? Yes as far as tiny voice, Yep..when I'm really bad, not an audible one, of course.
- Date posted
- 6y
Its like a dystopic show set in the future and in this particular episode you are led to believe that the main character is innocent but they'd actually watched child pornography- this really set of my OCD when I found out the character had done that
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh yeah ok, I get it..yes, I've been there,not on that subject but another that was devastating to me.
- Date posted
- 6y
Would it still be pocd if or anytype of ocd if someone acted on these thoughts? Thats my confusion, like whats the difference between pocd and being a straight up ped?
- Date posted
- 6y
In the end, POCD do not want these worries or concerns. I’d do anything to get rid of them.
- Date posted
- 6y
Im sadly, dealing with this intrusive "urge" right now. How did u get over this? It's so scary, i get triggered even by the words "Dark Web" & "Tor Browser"
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
Hi, last year I had a trigger with my little cousin that made me spiral. Then that thought lead to another and lead to another thought and another one and so on and I've been feeling stuck (with ups and downs) over a year now. I hit rock bottom in July/August and that lead me to going to the psychiatrist. I am taking meds now, but I still feel bad. It doesn't take as much time of my life anymore but it is constantly back there in my mind. It's the feeling that I'm ignoring and undoubtable truth that soonest or later will come out, or that rejecting, or that I'm resisting. That's why it's been impossible for me to do ERP, because I think it's going to make me want to touch myself and if I do I'll feel bad. And then it feels like I like the thoughts, not only physically (groinals) but mentally??? It's like a brain fog that I can't tag between pleasure or confusion. And that thought leads me to thinking about the alleged "non-offending" ps and if that could be me. And that thought leads me to think OH MY GOD I can't BELIEVE I am a girl in my twenties obsessing over this I can't believe this is my life.
- Date posted
- 23w
Anyone experience intrusive thoughts of their children during intimate moments? Have you done erp to this? I had one and continued slightly before running and needing to vomit now feel guilty anyone else experienced this?
- Date posted
- 17w
so I’ve been seeking therapy for my OCD for a few years. The theme that I’ve been dealing with most recently is the fear of becoming a pedophile, which then has led to intrusive images of me doing things to kids.Which now is just causing me so much distress and 24/7 constant thought cycle. I am starting to not be able to tell the difference between thoughts that are wanted/ unwanted- the line has become some blurry and these things are starting to feel like someothing i want to do. My brain keeps telling me to just test these thoughts and the “maybe”or”i don’t know” isn’t working. This has become such a barrier because the second layer is that I’m afraid that if I just let the thoughts be there it’ll make me be OK with doing those things and the fear is what’s keeping me from actually doing something inappropriate. It’s also transitioned into intrusive thoughts and images of me doing something very disgusting to my dog and that when I’m cuddling with him I get the thoughts to just do it or try it to see if i am actually a p*do. it’s almost like the compulsion would be to do the inappropriate thing, even though I know it’s wrong just to see how it would make me feel. I feel like i can’t control these urges even though i’ve never acted on it. At any point i could just do it. I’ve never had these thoughts before up until about a year and a half ago when my friend‘s boyfriend got arrested for soliciting a minor then all these thoughts came to life.Has anyone experienced something like this and have any advice?
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond