- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t know of anyone with POCD that has ever acted or wanted to act on the thoughts. But not being to tell the difference is what drives the fear and guilt and shame. Not your fault, but the implication that there is a connection between the two is itself very triggering. There are many times when I myself believe I must be a pedophile for these constant thoughts and doubts. In the end, I can never know. It’s not fun having to live with the uncertainty that you could be or are the worst version of yourself possible. I have to live every day doubting whether I am or not. ERP is trying to build up my own confidence and strength that the theme of my thoughts is not relevant. POCD is the same fear and anxiety as contamination, violence, drugs, relationship, sexuality. But being as pedophiles are the worst of the worst, it only creates more doubt and fear. It is very hard for those with POCD to discuss this with anyone. I would love nothing more than to sign a contract that says I’ll be a good person forever and will never do a bad thing, being evil is the last thing I ever want to be. But I have to live with the uncertainties that I could be evil. Thoughts and actions are very very different.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m not over it for sure haha. But it is better. Part of my ERP is typing in my nightmare scenario into google search and just staring at it. For example “child porn” (this is ERP right now ha!). And then I stare for 60 seconds. I hope to one day take the child locks off my phone (I have blocks on inappropriate content right now as an ongoing compulsion - in my mind it protects me from accidentally looking at illegal material)
- Date posted
- 6y
I am a fellow black mirror fan and when I watched that episode my OCD went crazy for like a week
- Date posted
- 6y
When I watched the episode same thing happened to me
- Date posted
- 6y
Omg me top i had to shut down my laptop because my mind told me to google it... I am too afraid to watch the black mirror episode but I heard of it
- Date posted
- 6y
I've had that voice multiple times. It's scary. But you have to remember that your brain wants to keep thinking about it and so it'll do anything to make you react.
- Date posted
- 6y
I watched that episode around a year ago and had a similar reaction, it was the first big trigger of my ocd and its been awful ever since :(
- Date posted
- 6y
What if you come across something on the web that seemed sketchy lets say, but that just seemed to trigger it, and start the thoughts? It was a legitimate accident, but you feel that you just couldn’t turn away? And it has never been an issue until then. I hate it. And now it feels like I’ve kinda accepted it? Idk whats real or not. I wish i could just walk away from it for the rest of my life and block it out, but i feel like its stuck with me!
- Date posted
- 6y
I just got to know Tor Browser is very easy to download & this is freaking me out at the moment. I feel like Im gonna lose control, go to the dark web & watch illegal stuff like CP, Ppl getting murdered & stuff. Im so terrified right now. I feel like Im gonna give in to my intrusive "urge". Im so scared. Tho i really, really dont want to. My anxiety levels have gone up so high
- Date posted
- 6y
I haven't watched this but my daughter does, what is CP ? Yes as far as tiny voice, Yep..when I'm really bad, not an audible one, of course.
- Date posted
- 6y
Its like a dystopic show set in the future and in this particular episode you are led to believe that the main character is innocent but they'd actually watched child pornography- this really set of my OCD when I found out the character had done that
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh yeah ok, I get it..yes, I've been there,not on that subject but another that was devastating to me.
- Date posted
- 6y
Would it still be pocd if or anytype of ocd if someone acted on these thoughts? Thats my confusion, like whats the difference between pocd and being a straight up ped?
- Date posted
- 6y
In the end, POCD do not want these worries or concerns. I’d do anything to get rid of them.
- Date posted
- 6y
Im sadly, dealing with this intrusive "urge" right now. How did u get over this? It's so scary, i get triggered even by the words "Dark Web" & "Tor Browser"
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
**TW for POCD** I’ve spoken about this a few times before. That urge I had to type in “child porn” into google. I talked to my NOCD therapist today about it. She told me the ERP for it was to type it in. She even did it with me. Obviously nothing but news stories, crime statistics, and photos someone would use for a project showed up. I’ve been so petrified of typing that in there. She wants me to do it every two hours and listen to what OCD will say. I typed it in that way, I typed it out full, and I typed it out with an additional word. I clicked and browsed through all the google tabs. I’m okay, but I can’t stop crying. I’m scared to do it again. She said it’s not likely going to get flagged due to people looking that up for research projects and stuff. I’m just afraid repeatedly searching it up will cause some sort of alert. I feel so scared and full of nerves. I guess that’s what the ERP is supposed to do, but it was so scary. So scary :(
- Real Events OCD
- Students with OCD
- POCD
- "Pure" OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Harm OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 24w
I struggle so bad with intrusive thoughts. They can be so bad that I'll cry because I KNOW that's not how I feel or want to do. (Too embarrassed to say what they're about) I'll constantly try to figure out why I have them, and constantly figure out what they mean, causing me to constantly circle around and around. I had to get on anxeity meds, which helped a little but the thoughts still happen. How do you help yourself with this? How do you know that you're just not some physcopath? 😅
- Date posted
- 24w
I’ve been feeling the urge to avoid intimacy or purposefully engage (for reassurance that I won’t give into a compulsion) because of intrusive thoughts and fear that I’ll “check/test” my reactions. My OCD is making me so scared that I’ll purposefully think of a child and try to see if I like it. It’s so complicated but I guess I’m mentally checking if I would mentally check during intimacy. I’ve even envisioned myself checking and it’s making me so nauseous. I know it’s a compulsion like any other but the sound of “touching yourself to the thought of a child” sounds atrocious and vile. I’m terrified I’ll automatically start checking next time I am being intimate. I truly feel so worried. If anyone has gone through something similar, I’d appreciate hearing your experience. Or if anyone has any advice?
- Harm OCD
- POCD
- Students with OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Real Events OCD
- "Pure" OCD
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