- Date posted
- 6y ago
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I don’t know of anyone with POCD that has ever acted or wanted to act on the thoughts. But not being to tell the difference is what drives the fear and guilt and shame. Not your fault, but the implication that there is a connection between the two is itself very triggering. There are many times when I myself believe I must be a pedophile for these constant thoughts and doubts. In the end, I can never know. It’s not fun having to live with the uncertainty that you could be or are the worst version of yourself possible. I have to live every day doubting whether I am or not. ERP is trying to build up my own confidence and strength that the theme of my thoughts is not relevant. POCD is the same fear and anxiety as contamination, violence, drugs, relationship, sexuality. But being as pedophiles are the worst of the worst, it only creates more doubt and fear. It is very hard for those with POCD to discuss this with anyone. I would love nothing more than to sign a contract that says I’ll be a good person forever and will never do a bad thing, being evil is the last thing I ever want to be. But I have to live with the uncertainties that I could be evil. Thoughts and actions are very very different.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I’m not over it for sure haha. But it is better. Part of my ERP is typing in my nightmare scenario into google search and just staring at it. For example “child porn” (this is ERP right now ha!). And then I stare for 60 seconds. I hope to one day take the child locks off my phone (I have blocks on inappropriate content right now as an ongoing compulsion - in my mind it protects me from accidentally looking at illegal material)
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I am a fellow black mirror fan and when I watched that episode my OCD went crazy for like a week
- Date posted
- 6y ago
When I watched the episode same thing happened to me
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Omg me top i had to shut down my laptop because my mind told me to google it... I am too afraid to watch the black mirror episode but I heard of it
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I've had that voice multiple times. It's scary. But you have to remember that your brain wants to keep thinking about it and so it'll do anything to make you react.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I watched that episode around a year ago and had a similar reaction, it was the first big trigger of my ocd and its been awful ever since :(
- Date posted
- 6y ago
What if you come across something on the web that seemed sketchy lets say, but that just seemed to trigger it, and start the thoughts? It was a legitimate accident, but you feel that you just couldn’t turn away? And it has never been an issue until then. I hate it. And now it feels like I’ve kinda accepted it? Idk whats real or not. I wish i could just walk away from it for the rest of my life and block it out, but i feel like its stuck with me!
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I haven't watched this but my daughter does, what is CP ? Yes as far as tiny voice, Yep..when I'm really bad, not an audible one, of course.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Its like a dystopic show set in the future and in this particular episode you are led to believe that the main character is innocent but they'd actually watched child pornography- this really set of my OCD when I found out the character had done that
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Oh yeah ok, I get it..yes, I've been there,not on that subject but another that was devastating to me.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Would it still be pocd if or anytype of ocd if someone acted on these thoughts? Thats my confusion, like whats the difference between pocd and being a straight up ped?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
In the end, POCD do not want these worries or concerns. I’d do anything to get rid of them.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Im sadly, dealing with this intrusive "urge" right now. How did u get over this? It's so scary, i get triggered even by the words "Dark Web" & "Tor Browser"
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I just got to know Tor Browser is very easy to download & this is freaking me out at the moment. I feel like Im gonna lose control, go to the dark web & watch illegal stuff like CP, Ppl getting murdered & stuff. Im so terrified right now. I feel like Im gonna give in to my intrusive "urge". Im so scared. Tho i really, really dont want to. My anxiety levels have gone up so high
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w ago
Hi everyone, I wanted to reach out to see if anyone else has experienced something similar with OCD and intrusive thoughts. I’ve been struggling during moments of intimacy because intrusive thoughts, particularly ones related to POCD, feel so ‘sticky’—like they’re all I can picture. Even though I really want the thoughts to go away, they persist, and I’ve been trying not to avoid intimacy because of them. However, that makes me feel like I’m somehow ‘enjoying’ the thoughts or images, which I really dislike. It’s like my brain is playing this awful trick, and it’s leaving me feeling confused and gross. I guess I’m supposed to not let the thoughts bother me and continue as if nothing’s wrong, but I’m scared that by doing so, I’m almost training myself to get off to them or something. This fear makes it so hard to trust myself in those moments, and it’s been overwhelming. If anyone else has been through this, how do you handle it?
- Date posted
- 17w ago
This might contain triggering content, but I'm also wondering if others have dealt with this similar thought, and if so, how to deal with it? Overall, I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm able to eat again, which I hadn't been able to do because of how much anxiety I'd been experiencing. I'm spending time around loved ones and not just rotting in my room, and I've been able to wake up without immediately being bombarded by intrusive thoughts. When things first got really bad, I'd wake my mom up every night for reassurance, but I haven't done that in a while either. I'm really proud of myself, but there's still this nagging thought in my mind... While looking through others posts on here, hoping to find advice that'd fit my situation, I ended up making things worse. Someone mentioned how they had a fear that they'd purposely search for illegal content (related to POCD). I panicked, and "what ifs" flooded my thoughts. "What if the intrusive thoughts affect who I am as a person, and I do that?" I'm terrified that I'll search for those things, which I know means I wouldn't do it. But then, another person on here said they'd actually looked for those things, and that freaked me out even more. Does that mean it's possible for that to happen to me? I don't want to do that, but I keep having intrusive thoughts surrounding it. I've been doing so well these past few days. I'm just... stuck. I don't know what to do. I've spoken with other people who have the same fears, but how do I manage this? It's not something I've even thought about before seeing those posts. I've been practicing accepting the uncertainty, but I'm really struggling with this one. I hate this. This morning, I woke up, and the intrusive thoughts were back. It's just disheartening.
- Date posted
- 15w ago
I’m really struggling with something related to me ocd, and I would appreciate kind and supportive advice. If you can’t relate or don’t think anything you have to say would be helpful, I kindly ask pls refrain from commenting this is a really sensitive topic for me. Recently, I’ve noticed a pattern that feels something extremely new and distressing. The first time it happened I remember telling myself before self pleasuring that I am in control no matter what thought comes into my mind because I wanted to prove to myself that these thoughts are just from OCD and I know who I am and an intrusive that came out of no where, and i suddenly felt an intense fear that I was acting on it. In the moment I genuinely felt like I did. And afterword, I panicked and started questioning myself. This SAME FEELING has happened three times in a row each time, the intrusive thought was unwanted and random, and completely against my morals most recently it involved pocd and it feels even worse because it generally felt like I acted on it the thought in the moment while I was self pleasuring the panic doesn’t hit until afterwards when I stop :/ I start thinking that maybe I generally made a mistake and I’m now just realizing that it’s wrong because it generally feels like that :( but when I actually think about it again goes against my morals and values doesn’t make sense it feels incredibly real, and I can’t seem to shake this feeling off that I may have acted on it I’m terrified because I never wanted these thoughts in the first place. And I definitely didn’t choose them. If I had known, I would’ve had these intrusive thoughts I wouldn’t have self pleasured in the first place but it’s extremely hard to convince myself that this may be OCD because I feel like I have no other reason to believe that I didn’t act on it :/
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