- Username
- marina<3
- Date posted
- 5y ago
nothing in particular really triggered my ocd. it was just the thought “what if i’m bisexual “ and my life has been hell since then. i fear that i am questioning my sexuality. all i want to do is be straight but i fear that after ERP i will realize that i am bi. everything feels so real
I was incredibly freaked out as well- i wanted nothing more than to be straight. It was so freaked out that I would gag and could barely sleep or eat for weeks. Everyone’s story is super different I’ve come to learn but as frustrating as this is, it’s a journey and a process and we won’t always have the answers over night. I KNOW your struggle it is truly awful and I always wished nobody would go through that. At least you know you are not the only one with this issue. You are not alone.
I’ve been in the same boat. It feels so real but in reality it is only your ocd talking. Try to take your mind off of it and give yourself some space to breathe(easier said than done, I know). You will get through this!
Have you been diagnosed with ocd by a therapist?
@gonzalmc, yes i have
Has ERP helped any? How long have you had these thought?
i have had these thoughts for almost 5 months and i haven’t started ERP yet but i am soon
Oh good Im glad you start that because that will help manage anxiety around this thought. Did anything in particular trigger you 5 months ago? I guess something that helped me was accepting that i in fact may be into women. It was extremely hard and painful but i eventually came to accept it as a possibility. I pray you take this response well, I don’t want to freak you out anymore. Also, is there any stigma you have about being gay? I feel like realizing that can also help alleviate pressure.
thank you!!
musiclover88, thank you!
@musiclover88 have you fully recovered from this I’ve just started doing self erp the thoughts have slowly subsided but I’ve still lost attraction and my libido is extremely low any tips you could give .
I had this one years ago, and remember reading sexuality is like a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being heterosexual and 10 being gay. Everyone is somewhere along that line, but it is impossible to determine exactly where. Sexuality is really not a black or white thing and like most things trying to find certainty is pointless
my ocd has been really convincing lately. it’s convincing me that i’m just questioning my sexuality and that i’m bi and just don’t know it yet. i can’t help but think “what if these thoughts and feelings are real” i’m so lost i just feel like all of this has changed who i was. the worst part is that i barely have a reaction to these thoughts so it’s hard for me to tell if it’s ocd or not. how do i know if it’s ocd or i’m just questioning my sexuality??
Okay so having a lil anxiety attack right now because the thought of being gay aint scaring me anymore and now i feel like i truuuly am gay and like i have to come out to my parents and like im pressured by myself and not accepting myself and it feels just too real and idkkk its crazy how i can go from okay to this stage again. I feel like i try not to fall in love with woman and im holding myself back but if i truly was gay wouldnt it just liked the same sex earlier in my life. Like it just happens right? So ive never had that but i feel like im blocking myself from likjng woman but jve never liked them in my whole life so idk what im tryna convince myself. I cant lie, This generation is rlly hard on me when it comes to my hocd. Evergwhere around me people are comjng out and it makes it look like being gay is a huge posibility and that i could easily be gay when u look at how many people are gay. That it wouldnt be a weird case like so many girls are lesbian why wouldnt i be. What would make me straight and them gay? The thing is all these questjoms once were never in my head and all the answers were so clear i didnt even had to ask the questions to myself. But why do i now? Makes me feel like im gay because straight ppl would never ask themselves these questions...
Please someone help me. I feel like I’m in denial. I feel like I don’t have ocd. It’s too real. The intrusive thoughts aren’t as frequent, I don’t have anxiety or do compulsions. I’m not even against the thoughts anymore. I can’t explain how real it feels. It can’t be ocd and the thing is I just don’t want to like girls. That’s it. I just don’t want to. But that sounds like I’m resisting my sexuality and it feels like this too. I’m sorry to everyone on this app but I don’t think I’m like u anymore. If things like internalised homophobia and comphet didn’t exist then I’d know I was straight but they do so now I think I’m just that. I don’t want to marry a girl or have sex with one or anything. I want to be straight and just fucking live my life. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I haven’t had a crush on a boy for years even though my ‘ocd’ started in the summer. I’ve had loads of male celebrity crushes that I’ve felt like I’ve loved and I don’t understand how those could’ve been fake but they must have been. Compulsions don’t comfort me I just watch tv to distract myself and that’s it. I can’t do this shit anymore. I don’t want to like girls but I have to be either bi or lesbian. Please I just want to be straight I don’t get it.
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