I've suffered ROCD in the past around my relationship but knew deep down I'm happy and I love my partner so much. However lately my family have been putting doubts in my head and planting seeds about who I should be with, what type of person I should be with. Which has caused a spiral of thoughts and doubts.Is it normal when suffering with OCD to then take these thoughts on board, I felt sick with worry all week and don't know how much longer I can go on feeling this guilty for the thoughts. A few days ago I trusted a friend and opened up to him and he made a pass at me which I said no, I now feel full of guilt and doubting why I put myself in that situation even though it was all innocent from my half. I feel sick with worry and would never hurt my partner. Just want to be happy with him.

jemcu812

Date posted: 3y

I had to check your name to make sure I didn't write this. I'm the same, and before I got married, both my father.n.law and Mom told me a 2 different times, are you sure you want to marry. ..you can back out now...(as I was riding in my parents car) on the way to get married. ... I have thought about that off and on for years. I start to ruminate very badly, that I can barley pop out of it. Then I don't know and I question, maybe they knew something I didn't know, even tho at the time I was, why you say that!!! I'm perfectly fine getting married. 37 ys later I still think about it, over and over and over and over... its an awful thought process. I know in the deepest of my soul, I love him and want to be with him , but darn OCD doubting disease rears it ugly head, just when things are goibg great. Idk where I was going with this, but hang in there!!

sassyunicornx

Date posted: 3y

It really is awful, I feel sick with guilt. Im new to this so I've replied in some comments further down too. I'm just really struggling

bellag

Date posted: 3y

i’m also dealing with this :( you’re not alone.. it’s hard taking on ROCD and unhelpful family members.

sassyunicornx

Date posted: 3y

It's horrible it really is I didn't need them to fill my head with doubts, I was fine before. Now my brain is doubting everything. Doubting if I've given off wrong impressions to the friend that I confided in for him to make a pass at me. Everything I feel sick with guilt even though I did nothing, it was my family putting doubts in my head that have made me spiral into these thoughts

bellag

Date posted: 3y

@sassyunicornx i get you, i really do. you might not realize it but you’re ruminating right now. just try to take a deep breath, hydrate and try your best to relax. sometimes in order to conquer the demons.. you have to face them. i promise you’re not alone. you did nothing wrong <3

jemcu812

Date posted: 3y

It's so hard to confide in people who don't understand the ocd doubting disease. ... I swear some people really like to make things allot worse than they really are. ... as for your family, I think all families have "their" "ideal" of what and who their children and grown adult children should be like and who our friends are. It's so annoying., IMO as long as the person you're dating is safe , kind, gentle and understanding, then that's a good thing and keep getting to know him. Does he know you have OCD? ...

sassyunicornx

Date posted: 3y

Yeah my partner knows I have OCD and is the most supportive I just feel so ridiculous and guilty for even doubting us based on other people's nasty opinions. It's really spiralled me. Like I said I went and confided in someone who was suppose to be my friend, he's taken it all wrong and twisted and lied and has now made everything worse for me

jemcu812

Date posted: 3y

@sassyunicornx Yeah, there's nothing you can do now other than put out the fires if they circulate.. prob the best thing to do in the future is not say anything to that person , unfortunately , he sounds exactly like the person you don't want to be around or confide in. ... But who knew, he was goibg to be like that anyway... pretty sure this too, will pass. Don't give him any more info, not worth it. Imo, you caught him, he's the one who should be feeling bad for breaking trust. . ... just do nothing , sometimes that's the best thing. Hope you get some sleep soon. I always count sheep jumping over a fence starting 100 backwards. Lol

EZE11

Date posted: 3y

I suffer from ROCD as well, and talking about relational worries or receiving advice can cause me to ruminate a lot. So I feel you, and I’m sorry your friend tried to make a pass and made things more complicated. I’m sure that this is way worse in your head than in reality - something I’ve had to tell myself a lot!

sassyunicornx

Date posted: 3y

I went and confided in someone I shouldn't, he's twisted the whole story and now I'm doubting everything about myself and what happened where as I know deep down I did nothing wrong. It's 1am and I'm struggling to eat sleep, I just feel sick with guilt. My family should have never ever have filled my head with doubts knowing what I've suffered with in the past and for that I feel its unforgivable, this is why I'm in this situation now. I feel like it's best to focus on my relationship and prove the truth to him and distance myself from family members x

bellag

Date posted: 3y

i’ve been in this situation, just know there is hope and it will pass. don’t talk to that person anymore, it will be hard but you should just remove any and all contact with that person. and ignore your family!!! you know what’s best for you and what you want <3 sending love to you!

sassyunicornx

Date posted: 3y

I had no one to turn to, the two people closest to me were the ones being doubtful and nasty about my relationship I stuck by my guns and said I'm happy. I feel like I was in a vulnerable state, doubting everything because of how they made me feel, and now am regretting ever putting myself in the situation where I confided in a friend of the opposite sex.

misereri

Date posted: 23w

Someone to talk to?please?

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?

Mariabae

Date posted: 15w

please read

Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth

cmax20

Date posted: 7w

ROCD

for a few days now I’ve been super anxious about my relationship. I’ve been anxious about it before but lately it’s been worse than normal. I’m in a very healthy and loving relationship, I love my boyfriend so much and he treats me so so well. The only thing is that I’ve been having scary thoughts that what if I’m lying to him and don’t actually love him? What if I don’t find him attractive? And like what if the only way to stop being anxious is to break up with him? I don’t want to leave him and I am so scared. I feel like I’m lying to him by not telling him what’s going on because he might think I’m actually going to leave him, which I’m really not going to. I have had anxiety since before we started dating and incestual and sexual ocd, then I got into a point where I started having religious ocd, and now I have ROCD on top of that I think. I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m going to therapy and figuring things out but I’m so scared. Idk what to do and I feel like if I talk to anyone they’re going to say I have to leave him.

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