I have a dilemma. You might’ve seen my previous posts about me babysitting a kid that isn’t mine. Trigger warning for POCD It started off small. One night I helped him change into PJs Then I had him for a whole week, a lot of changing and bath time. And also the kid is terrified of sleeping alone and needs someone RIGHT NEXT TO HIM which is REALLY HORRIBLE for me During this week I was having hella intrusive thoughts and eventually had a complete melt down (while the kids were at school) This is my only income at the moment, from this family who hires me to tutor the kids and occasionally babysit. I used to tutor a lot more kids but I reduced my hours because of intrusive thoughts I agreed to babysit for two weeks while the parents go on vacation in April. I’m already having a shit ton of anxiety about it. I tried looking for a therapist but I’m having no luck finding someone who accepts my insurance. I’ve also stopped taking my meds because they made me suicidal. My access to mental health professionals right now is limited so I can’t really go talk to a professional about this situation. My best friend is strongly urging me to tell them I will not be able to babysit in April. Even if it’s last minute because of how bad my anxiety got just that one week before and because I’m already dreading it. I know this is good exposure but probably not the best idea since I don’t have a professional guiding me. I don’t even know what to tell the parents about why I suddenly can’t babysit if we’ve had this agreement for months. I’m not looking for reassurance or advice on how to deal with the thoughts. What would you do though? If you were me and your anxiety is through the roof and your meds are fucked and no one takes your insurance and you’ll be stuck babysitting a little boy for two weeks (helping him change and bathe and sleep in the same bed) like I can’t... How would I even explain this to anyone?

Tbh, if I were you, I would start looking for a new job asap. Do everything possible to avoid babysitting in April. Your health is so vitally important.

Your health is a priority. Tell them you are not available in April (if they ask why, a little white lie won’t hurt)

The dementia one would be the best. Nobody’s going to get mad over a sick old lady, right? I wish you luck ??

Thanks guys. I am going to tell them I can’t do it. Now I just have to figure out how to say it ?

If I were you, I’d say that I’ll be out of down in April

Considering that I agreed to this months ago, I don’t think that’ll cut it. Why would I plan to go out of town when I have this commitment? The problem is that I agreed to this in like January. I always knew they were taking their vacation in April. I have the dates set aside in my calendar. It’s like a whole 18 days of the parents being gone and me with the two kids. I agreed to it but then I spent a week with them when they’re parents were out of town and it was just horrible for me. I didn’t mention it when they came back because I figured if I made it through 6 days, I can I make it through 18. But I’m already so anxious and dreading it. I’m anxious and dreading even going to tutor them every day. The little one is a nightmare just for any babysitter because he’s spoiled and rude and has this rich entitlement thing going on and on top of that he’s clingy af. All of that on top of intrusive thoughts is too much too handle. I realized all this not last week, but the week before. And I’ve just been holding on to this for a week wondering if it’s too late to get out of it but I mean I obviously have to get out of it... I’m not gonna last 18 days.

Maybe say there has been a family emergency and you need to go out of town? I’m not sure, I’ve never been in a situation like this before. Is there a chance you will feel better about the situation in a week or so?

Probably not. I’m off my meds and I’ve emailed literally every therapist in my city that specializes in OCD in my area and they are not accepting my insurance. My shit’s kind of wilding out rn lol I’m between two excuses right now: It’s too hard on my own kid and he begged me not to do it anymore Or My grandma has dementia so she’s coming to live with us These are half lies but it’s the best I can come up with. Idk

Thanks dude!