So... I didn’t quit my babysitting job. I have three weeks to get my shit together before I spend a whole 18 days with these kids.

I’ve been struggling in life in general pretty much this whole year so far. But this week I started thinking about my POCD more and I always try to push through it and go about my day and not let my fears take over. Today my sister randomly told me she’s pregnant. She’s 25 and her boyfriend is 20 and they’ve only been together for a few months. I’m incredibly disappointed and angry with her because it comes off as being so selfish. She can’t take care of herself (neither can he) but they still decide to have a baby. I’m upset. But now I’m also incredibly scared. It’s putting me in a position of having to not only be around but help take care of a baby/kid. I’ve always thought about how one day I’m gonna have to deal with it, but I figured it was later in the future to when I feel more confident in handling my ocd. I also felt that if I were to have to be around a baby/kid all the time that I could mentally spiral and end up killing myself. I hate to make her pregnancy about me but I truly think that in the near future I could possibly get so bad that I come to that point of killing myself. I don’t know if I can handle this right now. I’m scared of how bad I could get. I barely survived the last time and I never had to constantly be around kids. But the times that I had to were the most dreadful times in my life. Of course I’ve gotten better but I still don’t want to be in these scary situations so often. And with her having a kid then I’ll have to be. I don’t think I’m strong enough to constantly push away my fears.

Hi, so my mum and sister are going away for 5 days this week/weekend and i genuinely dont know how i am going to survive. I still have my dad, but i feel my mum is the only person who knows what to do with me, and if i stress out/feel sick then she knows how to calm me down. My sister also is okay with this, and def better then my dad so idk what to do. I have cried so many times over the last couple of days and usually the longer ik abt it and the more i think about someone going away i start to feel better and see the positives, but this time it just keeps getting worse and worse. I also feel horrible that i am making my mum feels bad for going on a trip she is excited about just because of my stupid OCD. I have talked to my therapist about it but no one truly understands what it is like so they cannot really help me.I honestly dont know how i am going to get through this and go to skl for a couple days and act like everything is ok. Please help me and tell me tips or advice for this.

I can’t totally tell if this is an OCD theme or not but I’m shaking and crying and can’t stop thinking about this. I hope that this makes sense, l'm having problems understanding how to explain my emotions anymore because I just don't know what l'm feeling some days, I just don't get it that much. I'm so scared to become an adult. I don't want to not be a kid in every sense of it. I don't feel like I'm an adult at all, it feels like an expiration date in every way. I don't think I have much going for me, l'm not very smart at least I don't think I am. The things I do like don't feel like they are that much to carry me through everything life is going to bring. I feel disconnected from the actual reality l'm living, like I'm just observing it. I just have trouble caring about my future and I have no plans for anything. But time is running out to figure out what l'll do. I would get rid of any of the privileges l'd get at 18 if I could stay at 17 forever. I don't want to loose childhood, I spent my younger years trying to feel smarter than I am and trying to seem like I was mature, but I'm not. I've had really bad things happen when I was young and things I feel like set me back. I don't think I've grown at the same rate as I should have. God I'm so confused. I don't know what to do about it man. No matter how many people I talk to this doesn't stop eating away at me. Does anything I'm saying even make sense? I wish I could stop time so badly. I don't want things to change. I am not ready for it at all.