- Username
- nochristina
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Now the complete opposite happened for me. My subtypes led me to do such things as a compulsion and I later felt like a cheater. And then when I would notice certain girls were attractive I was like "why do I appreciate that?" And at that point I was already in a shit spot and the receiving and of toxicity and abuse from my relationship.
Ugh I'm sorry that you have to go through that. Thank you for sharing with me
Feeling hurt by a partner watching porn isn’t ROCD, necessarily. My girlfriend does not have ROCD, as far as I know. She seems to feel pretty secure in our relatiobship. But she feels that way about porn. (I do too, though I definitely have some ROCD symptoms if not ROCD itself). If you have ROCD, though, your ROCD probably bound up with your feelings about it. Jealousy is that way too. It happens in normal relationships, but people with ROCD are way more affected by it and in less warranted ways. If it’s something you really believe, stick with it. Values are important. Ask him for what you expect from him. But don’t indulge your compulsions to go through his phone or ask him for reassurance. And understand that your reactions might also be about the pain you feel from OCD and not just the natural pain of seeing a partner lust after someone else.
This really helped me to put things into perspective. Thanks so much for this.
I have ROCD, and I can relate to this post soo much it’s painful. It’s caused a great deal of stress in my relationship. My husband would like to be able to watch stuff but I obsess over it and it tears my mind apart on all the things I assume it means. I will get intrusive thoughts of it randomly too and it causes huge arguments over it. I feel like if he does it,.. it’s not out of question he would want to have sex with someone else. But part of my brain tells me that it isn’t a normal feeling and it’s not rational. I have been trying to fight to thoughts I have tied to it, and I’m trying to ease up but I still have a no porn rule between us. I would like to get passed it though… I do feel like I use to watch porn and I didn’t want to cheat so what is the difference. We bicker about it every time I catch him looking at sexual things. I have body dismorphia or something and I think it’s a big reason I’m so insecure also. He tells me he’s more into me but I don’t believe him.. I hate being so insecure or controlling. I don’t want to be that way!
Holy shit exactly! Ugh. It's so hard. I even get uncomfortable if someone is naked on TV or in revealing clothes. Or going to the beach, ect. I get such a bad attitude about it on the spot and I react poorly. I don't want to feel that way at all but I feel like I don't have control over how I feel. I've tried to catch myself reacting to things like that. We went to a water park and I couldn't even enjoy myself, I was comparing myself to other girls and I kept watching his eyes to see if he was looking at other peoples bodies. I used to watch porn as well and I know that it doesn't mean that I want those people or want to cheat, but I can't help but have intrusive thoughts that my boyfriend doesn't want me but wants them or he isn't happy with our sex... It makes me feel better that someone can relate because I feel batshit crazy. 😖 thank you for sharing
@nochristina No joke if I didn’t know better I’d think I was typing your messages myself. I couldn’t relate anymore. It’s insanely spot on to my situation. I get so uncomfortable and weird. I hold it against him and I convince myself whatever it was he saw was something he likes more than me. It’s so upsetting. I feel like I have to monitor what he’s doing. I hate checking his phone or feeling the stress of looking for what else he could possibly be looking at. I hate the feeling. I hate convincing myself he’s not happy with my body or our sex life. I have lately been trying to not be so quick to annoyance or insecurity when I see the nudity on tv shows or focus on his eyes.. I also haven’t been going through his phone. It feels like torture to my brain, but I do think it is slowly helping me come to terms that it doesn’t mean he wants to cheat. I also have been trying to journal my emotions and thoughts immediately when something happens that I think will spark insecurities or us fighting.. I try to write all my thoughts out instead! I still have so so SO much progress to make but I’m trying daily.
@jazzmyn_Murphy Oh my gosh this is so insane. I haven't met anyone that can relate to this extent. I get so mad at him or get really hateful toward any other girl just being themselves or flaunting their shit and then I say the most toxic shit. And I hate saying things like that but it's like I have such an urge to say it and have to get it out. I literally think of something to say just to look at him to see where he's looking if I see someone attractive somewhere in public or to distract him. I feel insecure when he's out with friends because I think that he's going to find someone better than me and I end up having a meltdown. I will carry a normal conversation but always pay attention to where his phone is so I am able to get onto it when he's away from it. And 95% of the time, I don't find anything on his phone. But then I focus on the 5% of the time when I have found shit that made me uncomfortable. I'm confident that this is my ocd trying to mess up the things the I love, and it helps me to put it into perspective that way. I have to remind myself of situations that really made me feel like he loves me and is attracted to me. He has never said anything that should actually make me feel like he isn't attracted to me but my ocd wants to convince me that he's lying. And if he ever really wanted someone else, then he would go get them. So there is a reason why our dudes are with us and we need to remember that, although ocd wants to convince us otherwise. Journaling has helped me in the past, I'm glad you said that- I'm going to journal tonight. Fuck it feels SO GOOD TO SAY THIS. I have never explained this in this much detail to someone because I am so ashamed. We will get through this girl.
@nochristina It’s so crazy how exactly spot on everything you’re saying is. I couldn’t possibly relate more to it. The way you respond is how I respond too. I wish I didn’t but I do. For instance, lastnight we watched a show that we recently started and it is constantly showing women topless, it’s driving me crazy biting my tongue and trying to push through and watch the show. Cause ultimately I know it’s a show and we’re adults, I don’t want to watch children’s shows, lol but the thought he’s possibly more attracted to the other women naked is so upsettting to me. I also have urges to go through his phone; and only a few times I’ve found something upsetting. We have communicated a lot about being more open and honest with eachother… it’s just hard cause he swears he doesn’t want anyone else even if he looks at stuff but I for whatever reason cannot separate those thoughts. I definitely feel it’s my OCD trying to manipulate my thoughts. I try my best to push through the feelings but even if I don’t confront him, I can feel a switch in my energy towards him or even my mood in general. I try to remind myself he is faithful and we are adults. He is a good man, and I am worthy. I try to remind myself although I am 4 months PP, he is attracted to me and I will get back to a body I feel more comfortable in, but even at my fittest if im honest I still felt insecure. I hate that. I want so badly to be a fun wife, and a trusting one. I want to move past this and grow closer with him again. I don’t want my paranoia of him possibly being able to find someone else out there attractive or anything make me feel that he will go find someone else. Creating a boundary in my head is the hardest part. But I think it’s positive we acknowledge this all & are trying to make efforts to improve these thoughts. Thank you for sharing with me. I feel alot of relief to hear someone else say they can relate SO much! I was just journaling about it all this morning. I wish I knew of better ways to avoid the seeking of reassurance from him, cause often that will send me into a spiral too.
My mind is still blown about how we relate, it's been a really good feeling! And yeah i get it, I'm like thinking how adults watch shit like that and they're fine, but I just can't handle it when I'm with my boyfriend. I'm fine watching that kinda stuff by myself or with friends. I've went to the extent of looking up movies before watching them to see if there was nudity 😬 because I try to avoid being uncomfortable. I totally feel you about the switch in energy and mood. I try SO hard to not be like that but it just comes over me. I bite my tongue to the point of feeling I'm going to burst lol. I don't have kids but I can imagine it being hard with the changes in your body and I know that feeling that way is completely normal but I hope that you continue to find ways to manage that. And it's an incredible thing that your body has just been through making a baby. I want to be fun and trusting too. It hurts me so bad when he thinks/tells me that I don't trust him. I tell him that's not it, deep down i trust him. But have a hard time explaining it to him and I feel like I sound crazy. Like I trust you, my ocd doesn't. I haven't been completely open about my ocd yet because I'm just recently starting to treat myself with it after self diagnosing and I'm not ready to tell him yet. I feel like I have so much to work on myself first. I just learned about boundaries this year, and now working that in with my ocd has been a challenge but I think it's really healthy. And I'm proud of you and I for acknowledging this and being aware, making the step in the right direction, ect. I get you about it sending you into a spiral. I think getting thoughts out on paper will help and avoid taking it out on him, that helps me as long as I can calm myself down enough to avoid blowing up. It has been so nice to talk to you. I'm new to this app and not sure if there's way to PM people on here... If not, I'd love to add you on Instagram or something if you ever want to vent, or need someone to talk to that understands. No pressure if you're not comfortable with it, but I want to say that it has been really cool to talk to someone that gets it. And I wish you the best in overcoming this shit!
No, absolutely.. I have loved talking with you cause is just all resonates so deep with me. It’s the exact way for me and I’ve gone to the extent of looking up movies to avoid awkwardness too! Lol I hate it, but I def think we can keep at it & make progress. I am new to the app also, I was diagnosed at a young age and I saw a therapist when I was younger but I haven’t in adulthood. I need to! I was hoping to see what I could benefit from the app & also find someone to talk to. Cause I agree, it’s so hard to explain it to my husband, so having people who can relate or understand helps. Thanks for talking with me. & yeah, I’d be fine with us adding eachother on Instagram. I’ll see if I can PM you, hold on.
I don’t see a way to PM you, but it’s @jazzmyn_reign
I'm glad! And we got this! I need to get to a therapist too, I keep procrastinating it. I'm making progress on my own but I'm sure a therapist would be a big game changer for me. The app is super nice though to search for things and read other people's experiences or to vent. So many supportive people on here! I'll follow you! Mine is @staylowbro haha
Hi ladies, I have the exact form of OCD too. I so resonate with your experiences. I have a hard time relaxing when my husband and I watch movies with attractive women and will look at his crotch to see if there is any bulge. It almost ruined our honeymoon because we went to Greece and there were gorgeous women everywhere in thongs. I asked him if he noticed and he told me of course/ guys look but it doesn’t mean anything. It was all I could think about while we were there and it was supposed to be a time we could just relax and enjoy. The last few days have been super hard because he is hiring a new female staff. I haven’t met her but my brain is telling me she will be attractive and that he is going to fall in love with her. The times I have freaked out on him saying it feels like he doesn’t love me the same as when we were dating or that he isn’t as into me anymore make me feel so guilty and then my brain tells me I’m pushing him away and that it will drive him to find someone else because he’s so exhausted. I don’t do Instagram but would love to connect with you two on Snapchat if you have it. It’s so good to meet others who have the same struggles. Makes me feel less alone. ❤️
This all resonates with me too, I’m sorry you experience this also! I don’t have Snapchat, I’m sorry. ☹️
It’s just good to know we are not alone!! ☺️☺️
I dont know if this is considered ROCD, but Im always checking up on what my boyfriend is doing on social media and put thoughts into my head that he’s cheating on me... I’ve caught him sending messages to another girl, and it broke my heart. I was so close to breaking up with him but decided to give it another try and my trust in him is growing back. We have been really really good lately but I always am engaging in compulsions to check Instagram and every platform of social media. It is especially worse when I text him, and he doesn’t answer and I see him active on another platform... it triggers me to think he’s messaging another girl and my thoughts start spiralling. I do not try to engage in the compulsion to always check my phone but somehow I always do. It’s consuming my professional life and distracting me from work!! Any advice?
I think I have relationship OCD. I will be doing great with my boyfriend then out of no where I get this intrusive thought that he thinks other people are attractive and has a wandering eye for others and I need reassurance immediately. And when he gives me reassurance, I think he’s lying. After like an hour of back and forth repetitive conversation I feel better, then the next day it happens again. Every. Single. Day. I freak out and blow up and need reassurance. I can’t tell if I’m getting these thoughts because they are true or because I’ve been with someone in the past who has cheated on me so I believe that all people get these thoughts. I’m so ready for a cure. Does anyone know what to do? I don’t want to live with this
Hi guys I don’t want to start overthinking but I need opinions, so I saw my boyfriend was watching porn when I wasn’t home . I feel like he’s been throwing hints that he wants to have sex but I ignore it , I’ve never been such a horndog💀. Should I be mad he’s watching porn?
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