- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Now the complete opposite happened for me. My subtypes led me to do such things as a compulsion and I later felt like a cheater. And then when I would notice certain girls were attractive I was like "why do I appreciate that?" And at that point I was already in a shit spot and the receiving and of toxicity and abuse from my relationship.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Ugh I'm sorry that you have to go through that. Thank you for sharing with me
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Feeling hurt by a partner watching porn isn’t ROCD, necessarily. My girlfriend does not have ROCD, as far as I know. She seems to feel pretty secure in our relatiobship. But she feels that way about porn. (I do too, though I definitely have some ROCD symptoms if not ROCD itself). If you have ROCD, though, your ROCD probably bound up with your feelings about it. Jealousy is that way too. It happens in normal relationships, but people with ROCD are way more affected by it and in less warranted ways. If it’s something you really believe, stick with it. Values are important. Ask him for what you expect from him. But don’t indulge your compulsions to go through his phone or ask him for reassurance. And understand that your reactions might also be about the pain you feel from OCD and not just the natural pain of seeing a partner lust after someone else.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
This really helped me to put things into perspective. Thanks so much for this.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I have ROCD, and I can relate to this post soo much it’s painful. It’s caused a great deal of stress in my relationship. My husband would like to be able to watch stuff but I obsess over it and it tears my mind apart on all the things I assume it means. I will get intrusive thoughts of it randomly too and it causes huge arguments over it. I feel like if he does it,.. it’s not out of question he would want to have sex with someone else. But part of my brain tells me that it isn’t a normal feeling and it’s not rational. I have been trying to fight to thoughts I have tied to it, and I’m trying to ease up but I still have a no porn rule between us. I would like to get passed it though… I do feel like I use to watch porn and I didn’t want to cheat so what is the difference. We bicker about it every time I catch him looking at sexual things. I have body dismorphia or something and I think it’s a big reason I’m so insecure also. He tells me he’s more into me but I don’t believe him.. I hate being so insecure or controlling. I don’t want to be that way!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Holy shit exactly! Ugh. It's so hard. I even get uncomfortable if someone is naked on TV or in revealing clothes. Or going to the beach, ect. I get such a bad attitude about it on the spot and I react poorly. I don't want to feel that way at all but I feel like I don't have control over how I feel. I've tried to catch myself reacting to things like that. We went to a water park and I couldn't even enjoy myself, I was comparing myself to other girls and I kept watching his eyes to see if he was looking at other peoples bodies. I used to watch porn as well and I know that it doesn't mean that I want those people or want to cheat, but I can't help but have intrusive thoughts that my boyfriend doesn't want me but wants them or he isn't happy with our sex... It makes me feel better that someone can relate because I feel batshit crazy. 😖 thank you for sharing
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@nochristina No joke if I didn’t know better I’d think I was typing your messages myself. I couldn’t relate anymore. It’s insanely spot on to my situation. I get so uncomfortable and weird. I hold it against him and I convince myself whatever it was he saw was something he likes more than me. It’s so upsetting. I feel like I have to monitor what he’s doing. I hate checking his phone or feeling the stress of looking for what else he could possibly be looking at. I hate the feeling. I hate convincing myself he’s not happy with my body or our sex life. I have lately been trying to not be so quick to annoyance or insecurity when I see the nudity on tv shows or focus on his eyes.. I also haven’t been going through his phone. It feels like torture to my brain, but I do think it is slowly helping me come to terms that it doesn’t mean he wants to cheat. I also have been trying to journal my emotions and thoughts immediately when something happens that I think will spark insecurities or us fighting.. I try to write all my thoughts out instead! I still have so so SO much progress to make but I’m trying daily.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@jazzmyn_Murphy Oh my gosh this is so insane. I haven't met anyone that can relate to this extent. I get so mad at him or get really hateful toward any other girl just being themselves or flaunting their shit and then I say the most toxic shit. And I hate saying things like that but it's like I have such an urge to say it and have to get it out. I literally think of something to say just to look at him to see where he's looking if I see someone attractive somewhere in public or to distract him. I feel insecure when he's out with friends because I think that he's going to find someone better than me and I end up having a meltdown. I will carry a normal conversation but always pay attention to where his phone is so I am able to get onto it when he's away from it. And 95% of the time, I don't find anything on his phone. But then I focus on the 5% of the time when I have found shit that made me uncomfortable. I'm confident that this is my ocd trying to mess up the things the I love, and it helps me to put it into perspective that way. I have to remind myself of situations that really made me feel like he loves me and is attracted to me. He has never said anything that should actually make me feel like he isn't attracted to me but my ocd wants to convince me that he's lying. And if he ever really wanted someone else, then he would go get them. So there is a reason why our dudes are with us and we need to remember that, although ocd wants to convince us otherwise. Journaling has helped me in the past, I'm glad you said that- I'm going to journal tonight. Fuck it feels SO GOOD TO SAY THIS. I have never explained this in this much detail to someone because I am so ashamed. We will get through this girl.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@nochristina It’s so crazy how exactly spot on everything you’re saying is. I couldn’t possibly relate more to it. The way you respond is how I respond too. I wish I didn’t but I do. For instance, lastnight we watched a show that we recently started and it is constantly showing women topless, it’s driving me crazy biting my tongue and trying to push through and watch the show. Cause ultimately I know it’s a show and we’re adults, I don’t want to watch children’s shows, lol but the thought he’s possibly more attracted to the other women naked is so upsettting to me. I also have urges to go through his phone; and only a few times I’ve found something upsetting. We have communicated a lot about being more open and honest with eachother… it’s just hard cause he swears he doesn’t want anyone else even if he looks at stuff but I for whatever reason cannot separate those thoughts. I definitely feel it’s my OCD trying to manipulate my thoughts. I try my best to push through the feelings but even if I don’t confront him, I can feel a switch in my energy towards him or even my mood in general. I try to remind myself he is faithful and we are adults. He is a good man, and I am worthy. I try to remind myself although I am 4 months PP, he is attracted to me and I will get back to a body I feel more comfortable in, but even at my fittest if im honest I still felt insecure. I hate that. I want so badly to be a fun wife, and a trusting one. I want to move past this and grow closer with him again. I don’t want my paranoia of him possibly being able to find someone else out there attractive or anything make me feel that he will go find someone else. Creating a boundary in my head is the hardest part. But I think it’s positive we acknowledge this all & are trying to make efforts to improve these thoughts. Thank you for sharing with me. I feel alot of relief to hear someone else say they can relate SO much! I was just journaling about it all this morning. I wish I knew of better ways to avoid the seeking of reassurance from him, cause often that will send me into a spiral too.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
My mind is still blown about how we relate, it's been a really good feeling! And yeah i get it, I'm like thinking how adults watch shit like that and they're fine, but I just can't handle it when I'm with my boyfriend. I'm fine watching that kinda stuff by myself or with friends. I've went to the extent of looking up movies before watching them to see if there was nudity 😬 because I try to avoid being uncomfortable. I totally feel you about the switch in energy and mood. I try SO hard to not be like that but it just comes over me. I bite my tongue to the point of feeling I'm going to burst lol. I don't have kids but I can imagine it being hard with the changes in your body and I know that feeling that way is completely normal but I hope that you continue to find ways to manage that. And it's an incredible thing that your body has just been through making a baby. I want to be fun and trusting too. It hurts me so bad when he thinks/tells me that I don't trust him. I tell him that's not it, deep down i trust him. But have a hard time explaining it to him and I feel like I sound crazy. Like I trust you, my ocd doesn't. I haven't been completely open about my ocd yet because I'm just recently starting to treat myself with it after self diagnosing and I'm not ready to tell him yet. I feel like I have so much to work on myself first. I just learned about boundaries this year, and now working that in with my ocd has been a challenge but I think it's really healthy. And I'm proud of you and I for acknowledging this and being aware, making the step in the right direction, ect. I get you about it sending you into a spiral. I think getting thoughts out on paper will help and avoid taking it out on him, that helps me as long as I can calm myself down enough to avoid blowing up. It has been so nice to talk to you. I'm new to this app and not sure if there's way to PM people on here... If not, I'd love to add you on Instagram or something if you ever want to vent, or need someone to talk to that understands. No pressure if you're not comfortable with it, but I want to say that it has been really cool to talk to someone that gets it. And I wish you the best in overcoming this shit!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
No, absolutely.. I have loved talking with you cause is just all resonates so deep with me. It’s the exact way for me and I’ve gone to the extent of looking up movies to avoid awkwardness too! Lol I hate it, but I def think we can keep at it & make progress. I am new to the app also, I was diagnosed at a young age and I saw a therapist when I was younger but I haven’t in adulthood. I need to! I was hoping to see what I could benefit from the app & also find someone to talk to. Cause I agree, it’s so hard to explain it to my husband, so having people who can relate or understand helps. Thanks for talking with me. & yeah, I’d be fine with us adding eachother on Instagram. I’ll see if I can PM you, hold on.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I don’t see a way to PM you, but it’s @jazzmyn_reign
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I'm glad! And we got this! I need to get to a therapist too, I keep procrastinating it. I'm making progress on my own but I'm sure a therapist would be a big game changer for me. The app is super nice though to search for things and read other people's experiences or to vent. So many supportive people on here! I'll follow you! Mine is @staylowbro haha
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hi ladies, I have the exact form of OCD too. I so resonate with your experiences. I have a hard time relaxing when my husband and I watch movies with attractive women and will look at his crotch to see if there is any bulge. It almost ruined our honeymoon because we went to Greece and there were gorgeous women everywhere in thongs. I asked him if he noticed and he told me of course/ guys look but it doesn’t mean anything. It was all I could think about while we were there and it was supposed to be a time we could just relax and enjoy. The last few days have been super hard because he is hiring a new female staff. I haven’t met her but my brain is telling me she will be attractive and that he is going to fall in love with her. The times I have freaked out on him saying it feels like he doesn’t love me the same as when we were dating or that he isn’t as into me anymore make me feel so guilty and then my brain tells me I’m pushing him away and that it will drive him to find someone else because he’s so exhausted. I don’t do Instagram but would love to connect with you two on Snapchat if you have it. It’s so good to meet others who have the same struggles. Makes me feel less alone. ❤️
- Date posted
- 3y ago
This all resonates with me too, I’m sorry you experience this also! I don’t have Snapchat, I’m sorry. ☹️
- Date posted
- 3y ago
It’s just good to know we are not alone!! ☺️☺️
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w ago
Sometimes I get really upset with my boyfriend and I can’t tell if I’m not having my needs met or if it’s my ROCD questioning things. I can’t express that I’m upset because he rlly doesn’t understand what is going on in my head and most times I bring it up it’s turned into an argument. It is really frustrating does anyone have any tips on deciphering this stuff or dealing with the upset feeling/ bad thoughts (IE: “He’s cheating on me and that’s why he’s not texting.”) (IE: “He’s talking like this because he just doesn’t love me, and he’s not attracted to me. He clearly wants to leave me but doesn’t have the heart to do it yet”)
- Date posted
- 12w ago
For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..
- Date posted
- 11w ago
Does Rocd make it nearly impossible to forgive your partner for anything. Whether it is big or small? My situation is so gray area where there’s something my bf did that I feel like I’m not okay with but he did this when we were first dating (not bf and gf yet). I ruminate all day about it bc I don’t want to lose him and see a future with him and I know he loves me so purely. But I also feel like I’m going against my morals here bc I do feel betrayed by what he did. I try to forgive him by diminishing my feelings and telling myself “he never did anything physical with a girl or went out with another girl while we were together” but still feel so hurt that he even messaged another girl while us dating. He’s given me an explanation and has proved how much I can trust him so I’m just completely stuck on whether I should forgive something I know I would’ve never done to him or leave him even though the only thing he’s done wrong was before us becoming official. I’ve broken up with him countless times over this situation bc I feel like I “can’t live with it” but then immediately when we break up I want him back and I kind of understand his explanation and reasoning. I don’t know what is ocd and what is my real intuition anymore. I genuinely think it’s both. Are any of you guys in the same boat?
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond