- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Few weeks ago I had to write a script and then record it for listening. Now I’m watching youtube videos to bring fear on. This is a great question btw! ?
- Date posted
- 6y
Sorry I wasn't clear! What I mean is, sometimes anxiety is like an iceberg. There's what you think you're worried about, and there is the real root fear. These are big things which most people are very afraid of: being alone, being hurt, being a bad person, death, etc. What would would you believe about yourself if you left him? What is the outcome you're afraid of? For example, when I believed I should break up with my partner, on the surface I was afraid of being stuck with someone that was 'wrong' for me. The true reason that bothered me though was more complicated. What if people looked down on me for my choice of partner, and they thought I was stupid? And if they thought I was stupid, what if they stopped being my friend (root fear: being ostracised and alone)? Equally, I was afraid of breaking up with them in case doing so was a mistake, and ended up alone forever. In both cases I was afraid of being alone, but they manifested differently. So I was constantly torn back and forth about it. I had to learn to be okay with the idea I might be alone, by giving love and support to myself, to cope with this.
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t love my fiancé , our marriage is going to fail, I’m going to break up with him.. typical rocd stuff.. Compulsion.. check my feelings, think of past memories that make me happy, ask for reassurance is number one.. I have gotten a ton better by using acceptance that I have these thoughts because of ocd but not really sure how to incorporate exposures..
- Date posted
- 6y
Gotcha - I had the same worries when my OCD was bad, I feel your pain. As Steviee said, imaginal exposure is useful for this one as you won't want to actually break up with your partner for exposure! But you can run through that scenario while avoiding doing any of the compulsions you listed. To some degree as well, just daily life with your partner is an exposure exercise. Can you be in the moment with him, showing him that you care even when your brain is protesting? Can you go about your day without reaching for reassurance or googling something? Make sure to think about what the fear actually is here, and how you can support yourself for the feared outcome in other ways. Even though the relationship seems like the most pressing issue you're likely doing compulsions in all areas of life but ignoring them because they're not as important to you as the relationship. Your brain will not understand why you are fine with small compulsions but not big ones! I believe Russ Harris might have written a whole book about applying ACT (I.e. Accepting your doubtful feelings) to relationships, but I might be wrong on the author.
- Date posted
- 6y
Makes total sense. It took a lot for my partner and I to get together. There was a lot of back and forth for various reasons.. nothing unhealthy but emotionally draining at best. My ocd manifested when we were finally where we needed to be and happy. My ocd started off as harm and when I got over that it manifested to rocd. So I believe my true fear is hurting him emotionally or getting hurt by him emotionally. From our crappy past of how we got together. But we so aren’t those people and we have grown so well together. I felt like it was finally our time to be happy and bam OCD! We will get back to that tho. We are happy actually! It’s just learning to except the thoughts for what they are! Thanks so much for your words!
- Date posted
- 6y
Have a look at the conscious transitions website, it might help. It has helped me massively
- Date posted
- 6y
What sort of fears do you have? What compulsions do you do? :)
- Date posted
- 6y
Also I just stated seeing an ocd specialist but the first appointment was basically diagnosing me so we haven’t really worked on any exposure stuff yet
- Date posted
- 6y
Thanks so much guys and lol on the part where you say you don’t actually want to break up with your partner for exposure because while I never would actually do it I’m thinking how do I expose myself to a break up while actually doing it! And when you say make sure to think about what the actual fear is here what do you mean? My fear is not being with my partner anymore but I know that’s because How important he is to me. Is that what you mean?
- Date posted
- 6y
*without actually doing it
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you Caroline!
Related posts
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 20w
Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love, however if you are living with Relationship OCD (ROCD) this can be a very triggering day. Relationship OCD is essentially, the fear of being in the wrong relationship, not truly loving your partner, or not being loved by your partner. This makes you doubt the true nature of your relationship and makes you believe that your entire relationship is based on lies. It can make you feel like a bad person and not worthy of love. ROCD will make you believe that you need to leave the relationship just to find some peace. When we think about ROCD we often think that this only applies to romantic relationships, however ROCD can impact friendships and family relationships as well. ROCD will attack whatever relationship is most important to you. As an ERP therapist some of the most common obsessions that I have seen include “Is my partner ‘The One’”? “Maybe I am meant to be with someone else”. “What if my partner cheats on me or worse I cheat on him/her”? “I find X attractive. Should I break up with my partner and be with X”? “Do I even love my partner? What if they don’t love me?” This list could go on and on. The basis of all of these intrusive thoughts is fear and doubt. The compulsions associated with ROCD are vast. The most common include checking feelings to make sure you really love your partner, avoidance behaviors, reassurance seeking behaviors both from your partner and from others and ruminating on the relationship in the hopes of figuring out if this is the “right” relationship for you. ROCD, as in most theses in OCD, wants 100% uncertainty that this relationship will work out with no conflict or compromise. The problem is this is unrealistic. All relationships will have some level of conflict and compromise in them. There is no “perfect relationship”. Most of us have grown up with fairy tales where one true love will come and sweep up off our feet. Life and relationships can be messy and complicated, but they are worth it and are a key aspect of what makes us human. The fact is ROCD makes you doubt everything and will take the joy, excitement and contentment out of the relationship. The good news is that treatment is available, and it is possible to have a long, happy, fulfilling relationship despite ROCD fears. It does take time, perseverance and patience. Treatment using Exposure Response Prevention has been proven to lessen intrusive thoughts. You will learn to manage your expectations of the relationships while leaning into your fears and learning to accept the uncomfortable feelings. By doing this, you can bring joy and contentment back into you life and your relationships. I'd love to hear about how ROCD is showing up for you. Share your experiences in the comments below or ask your questions about ROCD and I will respond to them.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 20w
Looking back, my introverted nature and struggles to find belonging in high school may have set the stage for how OCD would later impact my relationships. I had my first relationship in high school, but OCD wasn’t a major factor then. It wasn’t until my longest relationship—six years from age 18 to 24—that OCD really took hold. The relationship itself wasn’t the issue; it was what happened after. When it ended, I became obsessed with confessing past mistakes, convinced I had to be completely transparent. Even when my partner was willing to work past them, I couldn’t let go of the intrusive thoughts, and that obsession landed me in the hospital. From there, my struggle with ROCD (Relationship OCD) fully emerged. For years, every time I tried to move forward in dating, doubts consumed me. I would start seeing someone and feel fine, but then the questions would creep in: Do I really like her? Do I find her attractive? Is she getting on my nerves? What if I’m with the wrong person? I’d break things off, thinking I was following my true feelings. But then I’d question: Was that really how I felt, or was it just OCD? I tried again and again, each time hoping I could “withstand it this time,” only to fall back into the same cycle. The back and forth hurt both me and the person I was with. By the time I realized it was ROCD, the damage had been done, and I still hadn’t built the tools to manage it. Now, at 28, I know I need to approach dating differently. I recently talked to someone from a dating app, and my OCD still showed up—questioning my every move, making me doubt my own decisions. I haven’t yet done ERP specifically for ROCD, but I know that’s my next step. Just like I’ve learned tools for managing my other OCD subtypes, I need a set of strategies for when intrusive doubts hit in relationships. My goal this year is to stop letting uncertainty control me—to learn how to sit with doubt instead of trying to “figure it out.” I want to break the cycle and be able to build something healthy without my OCD sabotaging it. I know I’m not alone in this, and I know healing is possible. I’m hopeful that working with a therapist will help me develop exposures and thought loops to practice. I don’t expect to eliminate doubt entirely—after all, doubt is a part of every relationship—but I want to reach a place where it doesn’t paralyze me. Where I can move forward without constantly questioning whether I should. And where I can be in a relationship without feeling like OCD is pulling the strings. I would appreciate hearing about your experiences with ROCD. Please share your thoughts or any questions in the comments below. I’d love to connect and offer my perspective. Thanks!
- Date posted
- 17w
Currently I have several different OCD fears that pop up throughout the week depending on the situation. I've noticed a commonality between all of them are the fears relating to memory/false memory. Today is the ROCD struggle I've been dealing with. I know OCD has been trying this on me lately because of how much I love my spouse. They are my absolute best friend and she's my world. I value our marriage and friendship more than anything. OCD has latched onto one specific female coworker. And I don't even know why because even if I were single I wouldn't be into her. Even still, OCD makes me think I've cheated on my wife every time I'm alone with this coworker at work. Always starts as a what if, followed by imagery, followed by feelings that I must've actually done something and can't remember it. Usually fearing I've kissed her. It hurts because I know I'd never do that to my wife and I love her so much...the idea of losing her kills me, especially if it were the result of something I did. Just wanted to vent. Feel free to share your experiences or vents as well
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