- Date posted
- 3y ago
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Yes, I have it, and yes you can recover. Don’t seek assurance. It never works, at least not for long. OCD does not respond to logic either, you cannot rationalize it away. If we could, none of us would be here! You have to sit with the discomfort and the uncertainly. I have numerous themes of OCD but have managed to live with it, at a very tolerable level, successfully and happily. I’ve had periods of remission lasting years. And I’ve had times so bad that I thought nothing would ever be the same. The reality is that we change, we envolve. We grow. We can’t go back, so we have to go forward. You can take this bad thing, and these bad thoughts, and with work and patience you can use it to become stronger. I’m a firm believer that if you can handle OCD (any subtype), you can handle anything. Real-event OCD included in this. Listen to your counselor, trust the program, allow yourself to get comfortable being uncomfortable. You don’t need the assurance, and there’s nothing to prove. Your husband should be there, good times and bad to help you, but you are right. He’s not a tool for reassurance. I think it’s important to tell my wife when I’m not feeling well with OCD, but I force myself not to seek assurance from her. I don’t want her to think there’s an external problem, but I am cautious not to use her as a source of assurance. ERP is the answer for certain. You can do this.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I was trying to find someone with this issue!!!!! All the thoughts I get are about my amazing wonderful boyfriend. Whether that be on the imperfections he has which makes my ocd make me think he's not attractive, the fact that I could leave him in the future, hurting him....it's so overwhelming and hard. He's the only one who can reassure me on these. I always have the urge to tell him these and I know I shouldn't since it's a compulsion. It's so so so hard especially when it's OCD's fault...cause I can't just flat out tell him him imperfections out of nowhere just because ocd made me think that. That would make him feel bad cause he has some self esteem issues. Gah it's so so hard to deal with these thought I cry so much thinking about them
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Definitely don’t use him for reassurance. It only helps at first and later does nothing. ERP is the only way to go. Always resist that compulsion. You can do it
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thank you both so much for your replies. It’s so comforting knowing that there are others that truly understand. I would gladly swap my “theme” for another type of ocd. My husband is such a good man and yet I get so upset by these thoughts and images. He understands ocd, as I’ve learnt all about it he’s learnt too but he insists that if I truly trusted him ( I do) that I wouldn’t allow these thoughts to consume me but it feels like I have no choice. We both know that reassurance isn’t the answer but the desire to get it just overwhelms me at times. At the moment I’m having to sit with feeling constantly like I’m burying my head in the sand and ignoring something important. I just keep wanting to tell him this thought and have him reassurance me that it’s all rubbish and just ocd lies. In reality I know that’s a temporary solution that will perpetuate the problem. And it’s not helping his mental health either. It’s so unfair on him. I’m in UK and had CBT therapy some time ago which hasn’t really helped, just helped me understand what’s going on. Can I ask how you have applied ERP to this theme. I don’t think I could do the “ maybe it’s true” thing, I’d start to believe it even more!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w ago
Hi everyone, I wanted to reach out to see if anyone else has experienced something similar with OCD and intrusive thoughts. I’ve been struggling during moments of intimacy because intrusive thoughts, particularly ones related to POCD, feel so ‘sticky’—like they’re all I can picture. Even though I really want the thoughts to go away, they persist, and I’ve been trying not to avoid intimacy because of them. However, that makes me feel like I’m somehow ‘enjoying’ the thoughts or images, which I really dislike. It’s like my brain is playing this awful trick, and it’s leaving me feeling confused and gross. I guess I’m supposed to not let the thoughts bother me and continue as if nothing’s wrong, but I’m scared that by doing so, I’m almost training myself to get off to them or something. This fear makes it so hard to trust myself in those moments, and it’s been overwhelming. If anyone else has been through this, how do you handle it?
- Date posted
- 20w ago
Hi everyone, I’m struggling with what I believe is ROCD, but it feels so real and overwhelming that I don’t know what to trust anymore. I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences, hoping someone can relate and maybe help me feel a little less alone. Lately, I’ve been feeling completely disconnected and numb toward my boyfriend. I don’t know if I love him, and I’m constantly questioning my feelings. Sometimes when we’re together, I feel like I don’t want to talk to him, or I find him annoying, boring, or even cringe. Then, I feel immense guilt because he’s a loving and caring person who doesn’t deserve this. I have these intrusive thoughts that say: • “You don’t love him.” • “You’re just pretending.” • “You’re fed up with him.” • “You want someone else.” Sometimes, it doesn’t even come as a question like “What if?” — it comes as a statement, which makes it even scarier. And because I feel numb or indifferent when these thoughts come, it feels like they must be true. I’m also terrified that this isn’t ROCD, that maybe I’m not experiencing anxiety at all, and that these thoughts reflect how I truly feel. This fear is paralyzing and makes everything worse. I feel trapped, wondering if I’m just in denial and avoiding the truth. When I’m with him, I get caught in mental compulsions like: • Checking my feelings constantly to see if I feel love. • Comparing how I feel now to how I used to feel. • Seeking reassurance by thinking things like, “If I didn’t love him, would I feel this bad?” • Replaying memories to convince myself that I care about him. • Reading posts about ROCD to feel better, but the relief never lasts. I also feel like I’m ruining my relationship day by day. I get irritable and rude, and I know it hurts him, which makes me feel like a horrible person. I worry that I’m pushing him away and that one day he’ll give up on me, and it’ll be all my fault. Sometimes, I have moments where I feel happy to see him, and that confuses me even more. I recently saw him for a few minutes while I was out with my friends, and I felt joy seeing him. But when we’re together for longer, my mind gets flooded with doubts and fears again. I hate myself for feeling this way. I feel like I’m failing him, and failing myself. I’m scared that I’m in denial, that I don’t really love him, and that I’m forcing myself to be in this relationship. The numbness makes me feel like I don’t care, but deep down, I want to care. I want to love him, feel happy with him, and just be normal. But my thoughts keep telling me otherwise, and I feel trapped in this loop. If anyone has gone through something similar, or has any advice on how to manage these thoughts and compulsions, I’d be so grateful. I just want to know that I’m not alone, and that there’s a way through this. Thank you for reading. 💔
- Date posted
- 19w ago
1. Thoughts about Not Loving My Boyfriend: • “What if I don’t love him?” • “I feel like I’ve lost my feelings for him.” • “I don’t feel love the way I used to.” 2. Fear of Changing or Being Different: • “What if I’ve changed and this is the real me now?” • “What if I’ve grown out of the relationship?” 3. Doubt About Attraction: • “I’m not attracted to him anymore.” • “I feel numb when I look at him.” 4. Thoughts of Disconnection and Irritation: • “I feel irritated when he shows affection.” • “I feel bored or disconnected when we talk.” • “Why do I feel like I can’t stand him sometimes?” 5. Fear of Denial: • “What if I’m in denial and I’m just pretending to love him?” • “What if all these thoughts are true?” 6. Fear of Being a Bad Person: • “I’m a terrible person for feeling this way.” • “I’m ruining my relationship and hurting him.” 7. General Anxiety About the Future: • “What if I’ll fall for someone else in the future?” • “What if I’ll never feel love again?” 8. Intrusive Thoughts from the Past: • “I had violent thoughts about my dad.” • “I worried I was a pedophile after seeing a video.” Feelings Associated with These Thoughts: 1. Numbness and Emotional Disconnection: • Feeling emotionally flat or unable to access love or joy. 2. Guilt and Shame: • Feeling like a bad person or partner. 3. Hopelessness and Despair: • Feeling like things will never get better. • Believing i am stuck this way forever. 4. Irritation and Frustration: • Getting annoyed when my boyfriend shows affection. 5. Fear and Panic: • Experiencing overwhelming anxiety when questioning my feelings. 6. Sadness and Confusion: • Crying frequently, feeling lost, or not understanding why i feel this way. Compulsions I Engage In: 1. Reassurance Seeking: • Constantly asking others if everything is okay or if your feelings are normal. 2. Researching and Googling: • Searching for answers about ROCD, anxiety, and relationships online. • Checking forums like the NOCD app for reassurance. 3. Mental Checking and Analysis: • Constantly checking if i feel love, attraction, or connection. • Analyzing every interaction and emotion to see if they’re “right.” 4. Confessing: • Telling your boyfriend or others about your thoughts to relieve guilt or doubt. 5. Avoidance: • Pulling back from conversations or interactions with my boyfriend due to anxiety. 6. Comparing: • Comparing your current feelings to how you used to feel at the beginning of the relationship. 7. Self-Criticism: • Judging yourself harshly and believing i am a terrible person. FEELING SO REAL I’m struggling with ROCD and it’s consuming me. My intrusive thoughts make me feel like I don’t love my boyfriend, that I’ve changed, or that I’m a terrible person. These thoughts make me feel numb, disconnected, and hopeless. My compulsions include constant reassurance-seeking, analyzing my feelings, researching online, and confessing my fears. It’s exhausting, and I’m desperate to feel like myself again. Does anyone relate to this? How do you cope?
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