- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes, I have it, and yes you can recover. Don’t seek assurance. It never works, at least not for long. OCD does not respond to logic either, you cannot rationalize it away. If we could, none of us would be here! You have to sit with the discomfort and the uncertainly. I have numerous themes of OCD but have managed to live with it, at a very tolerable level, successfully and happily. I’ve had periods of remission lasting years. And I’ve had times so bad that I thought nothing would ever be the same. The reality is that we change, we envolve. We grow. We can’t go back, so we have to go forward. You can take this bad thing, and these bad thoughts, and with work and patience you can use it to become stronger. I’m a firm believer that if you can handle OCD (any subtype), you can handle anything. Real-event OCD included in this. Listen to your counselor, trust the program, allow yourself to get comfortable being uncomfortable. You don’t need the assurance, and there’s nothing to prove. Your husband should be there, good times and bad to help you, but you are right. He’s not a tool for reassurance. I think it’s important to tell my wife when I’m not feeling well with OCD, but I force myself not to seek assurance from her. I don’t want her to think there’s an external problem, but I am cautious not to use her as a source of assurance. ERP is the answer for certain. You can do this.
- Date posted
- 3y
I was trying to find someone with this issue!!!!! All the thoughts I get are about my amazing wonderful boyfriend. Whether that be on the imperfections he has which makes my ocd make me think he's not attractive, the fact that I could leave him in the future, hurting him....it's so overwhelming and hard. He's the only one who can reassure me on these. I always have the urge to tell him these and I know I shouldn't since it's a compulsion. It's so so so hard especially when it's OCD's fault...cause I can't just flat out tell him him imperfections out of nowhere just because ocd made me think that. That would make him feel bad cause he has some self esteem issues. Gah it's so so hard to deal with these thought I cry so much thinking about them
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Definitely don’t use him for reassurance. It only helps at first and later does nothing. ERP is the only way to go. Always resist that compulsion. You can do it
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you both so much for your replies. It’s so comforting knowing that there are others that truly understand. I would gladly swap my “theme” for another type of ocd. My husband is such a good man and yet I get so upset by these thoughts and images. He understands ocd, as I’ve learnt all about it he’s learnt too but he insists that if I truly trusted him ( I do) that I wouldn’t allow these thoughts to consume me but it feels like I have no choice. We both know that reassurance isn’t the answer but the desire to get it just overwhelms me at times. At the moment I’m having to sit with feeling constantly like I’m burying my head in the sand and ignoring something important. I just keep wanting to tell him this thought and have him reassurance me that it’s all rubbish and just ocd lies. In reality I know that’s a temporary solution that will perpetuate the problem. And it’s not helping his mental health either. It’s so unfair on him. I’m in UK and had CBT therapy some time ago which hasn’t really helped, just helped me understand what’s going on. Can I ask how you have applied ERP to this theme. I don’t think I could do the “ maybe it’s true” thing, I’d start to believe it even more!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I suffer with a constant worry of what if I’ve cheated. You name it I’ve thought I’ve done it. I’m quite flirty at nature and also insecure. Sometimes hand in hand I don’t think they balance each other out as the constant need for attention to validate myself can backfire. Although I have the best partner ever and she makes me feel nothing less than beautiful I still crave validation from others. That being said someone I used to work with left over half a year ago and when they worked at my current place of work we were very close. Text everyday, phone calls you name it. However looking back I was extra flirty as I wanted him to fancy me. I wanted the power to turn him down to make myself feel better. Awful I know. Now all I can think about is what if I’ve done something. What if I kissed him. What if I’ve slept with him etc. I’ve kept our whole conversations from the minute I got his personal number. I constantly search key words to see if my intrusive thoughts are real. I can except the uncertainty my therapist tells me about as if I have done the worst and cheated I would loose my partner and our 10 year relationship. I love her so much she is my life but I can’t stop thinking what if I’ve cheated. Does anyone else suffer with the same theme? If so how do you cope?
- Date posted
- 17w
I am at a very difficult spot in my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, and I have a history of cheating that for years we’ve been trying to work through. To me, it makes a lot of sense that my OCD has attached itself to this and for the last few years I’ve experienced intrusive sexual thoughts of others and relationship ocd. I have been open to him about the content of my thoughts and now, with a proper diagnosis of an anxiety disorder, I am able to reframe them and work through them with ERP so that my brain will *hopefully* get bored and stop sending them. But, things have not been easy. As a result of this and everything in our past, he has become anxious about all the scenarios where I could be having sexualized thoughts about other people. To him, if I am thinking something utterly different than what I am telling him or acting like to him, he can’t fully trust it. And of course, I can imagine how difficult it is to know your life partner is sexualizing others in her brain and to be able find a way to dismiss them as unthreatening, especially when past mistakes say otherwise. Is there anyone that has gone through this with a partner? And other than repeatedly explaining the egodystonic nature of my thoughts and providing reassurance, what are some things you did that helped them? Any advice helps! Thank you
- Date posted
- 12w
Hi everyone, I’ve already been diagnosed with OCD, and I strongly suspect that I’ve developed a ROCD pattern. I wanted to share a specific situation that just won’t leave me alone – even though it’s objectively been cleared up. I’m in a relationship with a man who is, by nature, a very transparent, honest, and loyal person. Rationally, I know I can trust him. Recently, he got a phone call while I was with him. I asked him to check who it was. He hesitated briefly and then checked kind of slowly – the number wasn’t saved. To me, the whole thing just felt a bit strange. It didn’t seem like “open behavior,” even though he told me afterward that he simply didn’t have the energy to deal with it, since he had generally had a bad day. The problem is: Even after this explanation – which makes sense – the thoughts won’t go away. I keep replaying the situation in my head, analyzing his reaction, wondering if that hesitation meant something – even though I know he didn’t do anything wrong. I feel like I need to bring it up again to feel at ease. But I also know that would only bring temporary relief, and then the cycle would start all over again. It feels just like other OCD loops – only this time, it’s centered around my relationship. Have any of you experienced something like this? How do you stop yourself from falling into the reassurance trap over and over again? I don’t want to overwhelm or hurt my partner unnecessarily – I just want to learn how to manage this inner tension better. did it sound like ocd?? Rocd?? Thanks for reading. It really helps to know I’m not alone. (edited)
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond