- Username
- polkzer
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Mine is a bit of a different presentation. It is somewhat episodic or it waxes and wanes. I had my first episode when I was 7 and convinced that I was contaminated with poison and that I subsequently was going to die and kill all of my family. That lasted for a few months until my avoidance behaviors stopped. I didn’t have another episode until I was 12 and became convinced that I was possessed by a demon and going to kill my family. That one was really intense but lasted a shorter period of time. Then I experienced mild levels of depression and significant generalized anxiety throughout high school until I had a terrible episode of ROCD after a traumatic experience when I was 18. Since then I have had significantly higher levels of anxiety with some compulsive behaviors and avoidance and also have been going to therapy. It wasn’t until two years later after that I was diagnosed by my psychologist with OCD (which was just a month ago) as I had a bad episode this summer that incapacitated me for a while and I’m working through at the moment but I am doing better at the moment. I wish you all of the best with your journey!!!
I cant imagine having to deal with such a difficult OCD thought at just the age of 7. I respect your resilience and hope that you're able to overcome OCD in the future. Best of Luck!
My OCD was subclinical as a child. My OCD at that time was contamination based. I think my parents had chalked it up to being a personality thing or me being sensitive, but as a child I genuinely remember being afraid of getting contaminated by germs and dirt. Cleaning my room was a nightmare and I would often feel tingly after cleaning. Like I would legitimately feel like I was contaminated and I would have to wash until the tingles went away. My OCD didn’t become clinical until I was 14 though. That’s when I got SO OCD and it was very severe. At 15 I started having general sexual OCD. 16 I got scrupulousity and real event. Now, 19 going on 20, I just struggle with all of them except contamination. When I was 15, I saw someone who was completely unqualified in diagnosing and treating OCD. They dismissed me and didn’t give me help, but I ended up going back to them during my senior year of high school. I had begged my mom to let me see an OCD specialist but she refused to believe me so she took me back to someone who couldn’t even treat me. They did talk therapy which doesn’t help OCD. I did get medication, but I really needed therapy. I like to think ages 16-17 I had mild-moderate OCD. At age 18, it became severe again. I ended up having to get my own therapist through NOCD after my spike. I was doing well, but recently I’ve been doing bad again. Between being in college, dealing with family problems, having complications with medication, and now only doing therapy once a month, it’s been horrible. Two months ago my OCD would’ve been mild maybe even subclinical. Now it’s moderate.
Argh Its always so saddening to hear to someone deal with Incompetent therapists. Im so sorry that you had to go through that, without the support of a parent nonetheless . Balancing this situation is commendable, I actually dropped out. I hope that what your experiencing is the worst of it and that nothing but tranquility awaits you. P.S Ponyo is an amazing movie
Mine started when I was around 8. I was so scared because I had awful thoughts about stabbing myself, my parents, or even strangling my baby brother. I also worried about calling my dad swear words that randomly came to my mind. I had no idea it was OCS. Many years later, I got a boyfriend. Everything was perfect and amazing and I couldn't believe how lucky I was to find such an amazing guy who fit me perfectly. A few weeks into my relationship, all hell broke loose. I started worrying about everything. That I was gonna hurt him, murder him, or leave him....just like the thoughts I've had as a little eight year old. I started doing more research, panicking on if I was going insane. Then I found out about hard ocd and relationship ocd. It escalated super quickly from 0-a million in a span of days and started affecting my daily life. More ocd themes popped up like sexual ocd, sexual orientation ocd, and a few more. After a few weeks of constant thoughts and stress and anxiety, I got officially diagnosed with ocd of many different themes at an OCD center. Thankfully, my boyfriend understands my condition and doesn't get mad or anything with stuff I think. He's so understanding and he tries his best to help support me as I try and get through this tough time. I'm gonna get ERP soon hopefully so this nightmare can be over!!
*OCD *harm
My story is kind of complicated. I had my first intrusive thought at the age of 8. There are some themes that I have had for many years. Some last for weeks or even months. I am 45 years. Up until about 3 months ago, OCD wasn't even on my radar. I thought OCD was just handwashing and being neat and organized. I never had either. But in July, I heard a podcast. The host was interviewing a woman who has OCD. I was shocked to realize that I had many of the same thoughts as the guest. I threw myself into researching OCD to convince myself I didn't have it. But it had the opposite effect. Once, I knew what to look for, I recognized various themes over the course of my life. But I started to doubt I really had it. So much so that when I had my 90 min assessment, I was convinced my counselor would tell me I didn't meet the criteria for OCD. Instead, I got a diagnosis. I threw myself into ERP. I made rapid progress. Honestly, ERP is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Some of the exposures I did were brutal. But it works. I am well on my way to recovery. My OCD is starting to fade into the background. My only regret is not starting treatment sooner. But I believed everyone struggled the way I did. I had no idea that what I was experiencing wasn't normal. Just prior to starting treatment, I was at a very low point. I felt hopeless and like nothing would ever change. Before I knew I had OCD, I did about 10 years of talk therapy. I would go weekly for up to 2 years. I never made any progress. I did everything I was supposed. I would eventually get frustrated and quit. Even switching counselors didn't help. I felt worse at the end than I did at the beginning. Its like I was trying to put together a puzzle. But a lot of the pieces were missing. I had a few pieces that kind of fit together. Once I added the OCD pieces, everything started clicking and the puzzle was finally completely. It looked completely different than I thought it would. But it all fit together. I have made more progress in 3 months with my NOCD therapist than I did in years of regular therapy. Its amazing the difference applying the correct treatment to the correct problem can make.
When and how did you first discover you may have OCD? I'm beginning to think OCD is one of the most understudied, misunderstood mental health issues ever. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder about 6 years ago after I started suffering from panic attacks, but only just recently discovered my condition could be much more specific than that. I've been suffering from intrusive thoughts and complusions since I was a teenager with a variety of themes. And honestly this app and amazing community has opened my eyes to it. I'm curious if anyone else has had an experience like mine where they were just thrown into the general diagnosis category of just having anxiety and/or depression and is only just now coming to terms with having OCD? What has been your experience with the therapists on this app? I'm using another popular, pricey app for talk therapy at the moment, but so far 4 therapists have ghosted me on it so my confidence is feeling pretty shot. Has talk therapy and working with a therapist on here been successful for you?
i’m curious to see how OCD kicked in for other people. in retrospect, it’s easy for me to see times before i was diagnosed where i was obviously struggling with a theme. i’ve always been an anxious overthinker and i’d tell my friends offhandedly that my brain fixates on things for weeks at a time before it passes, but until the Big One, i was never so crippled with anxiety that it made me dysfunctional and completely disconnected. that was until my last theme hit, started by a friend who was making an innocent comment about my dating habits. it was like a bomb was set off in my brain. the anxiety was so acute i felt like vomiting. i was an insomniac for about three months. it was awful. when i stumbled across an article on OCD, i sobbed for finally having an explanation. and when i was diagnosed i told my therapist i think i lied (LMAO). so what about you guys? what was the theme that finally made you realize you had OCD and how old were you? looking back, did you recognize early signs or was it a sudden onset?
Did anyone looked back on their life and seen how OCD has manifested and changed throughout their life? I remember being a kid and being terrified of monsters well into being 13. My nighttime routine became more and more ritualistic and elaborate. The reassurance from my parents became useless and I remember having to sleep with my lights on and the radio going. Eventually that wasn't enough. Vivid disturbing images of monsters staring at me, ready to strike the second I wasn't paying attention. That urge to think of a monster otherwise I would be surprised by one. Growing up religious and being told you can sin against God in your head was the other thing I delt with. Having horrible blasphemous thoughts that had me crying out to God for forgiveness. Terrified I'd accidentally commit the unpardonable sin. Doing everything possible to assure myself God wouldn't cast me into hell to the brink of mental and physical exhaustion. Then as I got older I got I remember it switched to social aspects. The fear I'd roll my eyes during a heavy conversation with someone pouring their heart out to me. The fear I'd flip off my teacher in class. That I'd lose control and scream out a swear word or call a classmate a racial slur. I would go through the day reminding myself to press my lips together tight and keep my hands in my pockets as often as I could to reduce the risk of doing those terrible things. Then as I got older and began to understand I didn't just like guys and going through the motions of that while being Christian was hard. I'd remember being told time and time again that the "spirit of homosexuality" wouldn't be satisfied until I had committed every sexual deviancy and fill me with rage towards God. I was told it was only a matter of time until my attraction towards women would expand and I would soon be attracted to children. Then it would branch out to animals, babies and dead people. You can imagine what my OCD latched onto after being told all that when growing up. I remember feeling so out of place in my early years. If I were to describe myself in one word back then it would be: coward. No one I knew had the same "fear issues" I had. Everyone was afraid of the monster under their bed when they were 6, not till they were 13. Everyone got nervous in a dark room, but I was the one that couldn't tolerate it. Everyone around me would express their fear, but it didn't control them like mine did. I desperately wish I knew that this was OCD the whole time and could've gotten help for it back then instead of beating myself up for being a burden still afraid of the dark with horrible social anxiety. But now I know, I'm 21 and I now have so much mercy for myself. I wasn't a coward, I was just undiagnosed. If OCD wasn't just presented as germaphobia and perfectionism, maybe I could've been saved a lot of heart ache. Just wondered if anyone else had struggled with OCD as a kid like me and had the same strange experience understanding what they felt wasn't normal.
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