- Username
- NT24
- Date posted
- 3y ago
This might sound weird but for a long time growing up I never though I was attractive or pretty. Many of my friends dated and I didn’t until college so I felt like I wasn’t pretty enough. Now I’m 22 and I’m just out of college so I like when really attractive guys find me pretty. I know it sounds weird. So in a way I like when I get looked at or complimented cause I never had that for years. But then I feel guilty about feeling that way
It’s been a struggle. Tbh idek if it’s a crush or just anxiety that’s making me think I have a crush on that person lol. I guess it helps to realize if your in a long term committed relationship at some point you are going to notice other people’s beauty/attractiveness especially since you’ve been with them for so long. Crushes/finding others attractive is totally normal because we’re human. But since anxiety/OCD creeps onto these emotions it will cause the unwanted thoughts and make a huge mess over something so natural and innocent. I’ve been trying to accept the thoughts “maybe or maybe not” to practice uncertainty when they pop up & just spending more time with my bf & trying to grow our relationship
Trying to push the thoughts away def only makes it worse though that’s for sure & def avoid googling at all costs because I googled any question you could think of under the sun & had multiple panic attacks that made the entire situation worse
literally same we are the same person haha I’m 22 and didn’t start dating until my current boyfriend (I was 19). I think a lot of this stems from getting attention too because I was never liked in high school that way either.
I feel like I have to confess something to my boyfriend but I didn’t even do anything
Well I actually met a new guy yesterday at a smoothie place (cashier) and he was talking to me for a while and I latched onto it again :/, like obsessively thinking about him
This is the worst theme I have ever had. I feel like I can’t even look at anyone. I can’t seem to shake this and I feel so terrible and Guilty
@PotatoChip21 The relationship I am in is my first one and it has been long term so I’m wondering if this stems from curiousity towards what else is out there or what it is like to be with other people even though I know I have someone great which is why it’s so annoyjng
@PotatoChip21 Obviously every relationship and ocd is different but I have now been in 3 long term relationships and one hookup and I still have that obsessive thought. So honestly I think it has nothing to do with number of partners and more to do with obsessive thinking and ocd
@PotatoChip21 Hey how are you doing?
Same !!!! LITERALLY SAME. It’s so annoying Bc I’m with the best bf ever and wouldn’t ever cheat but yet I have this other person in my head that won’t go away bc I’m so bothered and anxious about it & get the thoughts like “u want to be with them” “u like them” “u need to leave ur bf” etc and it’s so frustrating
How do u handle it
I've been having this same problem!!! I've started a new job and there are so many attractive men there. One of them was just decently nice to me cause it was my bday and I felt so infatuated that day. I felt terrible. I was on my period and cried all over my bf, but I didn't tell him about the guys at work. I didn't start dating til I was 20 and have had a low self esteem. So I strongly relate to you. You are not alone at all.
Do you feel that when an attractive guy likes you or even thinks you’re pretty, you instantly obsess over them? That’s how I get. I can’t stop thinking about it
Yes I’ve always enjoyed attention and people liking me for me but the minute someone shows any interest in me I freak out and obsess over it like I did something or said something wrong to make them think I like them that way and my brain creates so many what if questions I basically drive myself insane
so now I get anxiety when literally any guy talks to me Bc I think I’m going to develop feelings for them when the feelings are just a result of the anxiety
Hey, how is everything going for you with this obsession ?
Hbu?
Hey! Honestly better than I have been haha, I still get the same thoughts but I’ve tried to stop my compulsions. The rumination seems impossible for me to get rid of though once I start obsessing. Hbu??
I was seeing a therapist about the thoughts and she was so disrespectful to me, basically told me “maybe you’re just bored with your boyfriend and want to sleep around” or soemthing along those lines. & she was like “maybe that’s your subconscious telling you that” like who says that to someone that has obsessive unwanted thoughts!!! Never going back to her haha
@PotatoChip21 Did you see a therapist through NOCD
@NT24 No it was just a talk therapist, I can’t afford NOCD
@PotatoChip21 So I saw the guy that made my relationship ocd bad, and I was friendly with him (just talking) and now I’m freaking out that it was flirting and cheating cause I looked it up. But I’m like is this ocd or no
@NT24 Whenever I think about someone that isn’t my boyfriend I get so anxious about it because I see it as cheating & not okay. I also did not know it was very common to be attracted and have Cryshes on other people in LTRs. But it is very normal. I just didn’t see it that way for a long time. Trying to change that. Accept that you find this guy attractive. Accept the thoughts of picturing yourself with them etc. it’s all normal. By seeing it as not normal that is what is feeding the thoughts and anxiety. That’s the difference btwn a normal relationship and a relationship with someone that has OCD. We see these thoughts as not normal
@PotatoChip21 The trigger for my OCD was a coworker who was attractive & I kept ruminating about if I had a crush or not so I was thinking about it all the time trying to “figure it out” but because I didn’t want a crush so I kept checking my feelings & checking to see if I was thinking about them. In your situation, I wouldn’t freak out!! Just see it as normal. It’s not cheating to talk to other people.
@PotatoChip21 It’s just that I’m obsessing over him now and it’s making me feel bad
@NT24 yeah I understand that. I like to think we’re obsessing over the fear of thinking their attractive rather than them as an actual person because we don’t like the thoughts and thinking about them. If that makes sense. If we wanted to think aboht them we would like the thoughts. That’s how I try to think of it
Fun new obsession! I worked under a TA who I thought was super hot. I was happily committed to my now husband, but at the time I still harbored a lot of attraction toward this man, to the point of occasionally fantasizing about him. I felt awful about it then and I feel bad about it now. I’m trying to rack my brain and make sure nothing inappropriate ever happened, I can remember hoping he thought I looked good and wanting him to think I was funny but I never did anything besides my work when I was with him. I’m convinced this makes me a bad person or even worse, that I’m destined to cheat on my husband. Other instances happened when I was drunk, never to the point of cheating thank god, but flirtations with other men. This hasn’t happened since I was a freshman in college as I stopped heavily drinking and realized how much I needed to work to be the best version of myself. I constantly feel guilty, like I need to atone for what happened. This is almost worse than the crippling HOCD I’ve been fighting. Please help❤️ and thanks if you made it this far lol
Does anyone ever wonder if they ever emotionally cheated ? Sometimes I feel like I have In the beginning of the relationship but I’m not too sure or maybe I just in denial and don’t want to admit it . I’ve told my partner about this awhile back . He didn’t know emotionally cheating was a thing and he doesn’t believe in it and told me to let it go so I guess I should let it go . I would say why I question if I emotionally cheated but that’s extra stuff to type . whenever I’m around other males I get feeling like I want them and they feel so real . I honestly don’t truly know what emotionally cheating is but I have a guess and I’m scared to look it up . I guess I’ll say why I feel the way I do . So there was this twitch streamer I had a on and off crush on . I started watching him when I was 18 and his was like 25 . And lived in a different state . It was a unrealistic crush now that a look back at it bc I wouldn’t never happened but I still had a crush on him. When me and my boyfriend first started dating . We were playing a game online and I decided to stream bc I sometimes like to stream and I was looking for that person I used to have a crush on to join the stream and say hi . I sometimes wonder did I still have a crush on him . Was I emotionally cheating . Again, I’ve told my boyfriend all about this . He felt some type of way bc he didn’t know but he didn’t think it was a big deal . But my boyfriend does have cheating ocd . But it’s the type of cheating ocd where he thinks I’m cheating. But it’s like physical type of cheat .Ike when he’s away at work that’s when his thoughts get bad . Bc he thinks I’m sleeping with someone . I never had sex with anyone ever besides him . When he talks to me about his cheating ocd it triggers mine lol. I guess I should let all this go idk.
Has anyone ever had an intrusive thought that they have a crush on someone else while they’re in a relationship? I had an intrusive thought about one of my co-workers who is female. I don’t believe I am even gay but for a moment I had a small panic attack that I had a crush on her. I know I love my boyfriend and want to be with him but now I feel like I betrayed him by thinking about someone else like that even though it was an accident. I know I can’t say anything to him about it because I’m pretty sure the crush isn’t real and it would just make things weird between him and I. Anyone have any suggestions or can relate to this?
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