- Username
- BradOCD
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I just don’t get it. I never asked for this, I was so happy in my relationship, had so many plans for my partner and I to spend our lives together and now it just feels like I can’t/don’t want it. Because I keep thinking in this new way, I don’t like it. But it’s just well it’s just confusing, everyday just seems a little bit harder I feel like I’m holding on in a hurricane and some days I don’t even know what I’m holding onto anymore.
Brad, you're speaking to my soul!
i feel this but just with rocd :(
i understand, i used to suffer from this. it gets better and goes away eventually. no, you are not in the deepest denial. it’s just part of your brain trying to convince you’re something your not. or something you don’t want to act on. you’re not gay. like yeah you might think someone the same gender as you is attractive, doesn’t mean you’re attracted to them. deep down in your heart u know ur straight, it’s just your brain messing with you. try looking on Quora, it’s a good space for different types OCD and has ways to overcome this problem at home. hope this helps !
So looks like I’ve hit a wall I haven’t hit ever with this ocd. If you can even call it ocd. I genuinely feel confused. Idk what’s real or not. Idk what my mind or body wants. I feel so stressed out. My thoughts don’t give me anxiety anymore and sometimes it genuinely feels like I want it and I’m just hiding it. I don’t get it. I even lost attraction to this girl I was madly interested in. I don’t know what to do anymore really. I see any dude and my mind automatically starts thinking “you’re attracted to him” literally every single guy I see. I’m not even kidding. I really don’t get what’s going on with me. I haven’t been diagnosed yet because there are no ocd specialists in my area. My mom told me once she thinks she has ocd and my aunt as well. But their ocd seems more like the “traditional” type of ocd where you can actually see their compulsions. I think I struggled from Religious ocd a few years back. Also with my ex girlfriend there was a period where I struggled with ROCD I believe but got over it. Now Hocd has definitely been the worst and what makes it worse is that I actually had a gay experience but even after that I didn’t question my sexuality. I maybe would get the ocasional “you’re gay” thought but wouldn’t pay it attention and it just went away. But now it just can’t leave my head. This has been going on since February. I used to be crazy for women, don’t know what’s wrong with me. I even had sex with the girl I really like about 2 weeks ago and really enjoyed it! But now my attraction for her seemingly disappeared out of nowhere when this hocd bull starts acting up again. I’m so tired of this.
I seriously have never thought about girls until now. It just never crossed my mind. I never liked or had feelings for a girl. And now that I’m constantly questioning everything and picturing everything. It just feels like I like it. It scares me, would I be happy with a girl ?? I don’t want to be with a girl but I feels like I do want this. It’s so confusing. I can’t tell whether this is actually ocd or I’m genuinely attracted to the same sex. I hate this so much !!! It’s like I just completely lost myself and questioned it so much I’ve just become lesbian but some things just don’t make sense. Why would I catch feelings for other boys? Never girls. I don’t know anymore. I’m happy with my boyfriend. Without these thoughts I’d be so good and so much more happy. Now I just don’t fucking know and this hurts so damn bad that I can’t just rest not one day. This is so damn stressful and hurtful to question your identity every single day. Sometimes I seriously just feel like I’m lesbian but I can’t seem to settle on that because I just can’t be. I want to just die. I hate what my mind is doing to me. I hate I have to go through these thoughts alone. I hate everything. I just want to crawl in a hole and never see anyone. I just want to hug my boyfriend and have my thoughts erased. I’ve thought too much and too deep I can’t stop. I’m crying from sadness because I don’t know what’s real anymore and I never in a million years thought this is something I’d have to deal with.
Really struggling at the moment with sexuality OCD, getting to the point where I’m constantly on the verge of tears, I’m avoiding watching movies, Netflix series, scrolling through Instagram and tiktok. I’m 18 and everyone around me seems to be bi, but I’m so scared I’m not attracted to guys anymore. I want children and I have always wanted to be with a guy, now I can barely look at anyone and I can’t even think about being in a relationship. My brain is like ‘your lying to yourself’ ‘what if your gay’ etc. I can’t do anything anymore, I just want to hide and curl up. Anyone else feel like this.. I’m scared I’m in denial or something, I have never been formally diagnosed but I’ve had so many other themes, I’m scared it’s not ocd and I’m using it as an excuse.. I just want to go back to normal
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