Got to a point where I’m just miserable all the time. I can’t let go of these ‘false memories’. I don’t know how?! It’s got better that I was, but I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this.

I find that trying to let go of a thought is impossible for me so I accept the thought as being there and go get busy doing something else and soon it’s not bothering me anymore. I know that sounds simple but the more I worry about a thought going away the worse it gets.

I try that :/ I feel like I ruminate and think about it all the time. Even when I don’t realise. It’s affecting everything and I can’t focus on anything properly ?

I’m sorry...I know it’s hard. Some days are worse then others. When I’m tired or down those days I ruminate a lot worse(or notice my rumination more). Try to give yourself some love today. Know people here understand what your going though.

Stop trying to let go of the false memories let them come and go you won’t live the rest of your life like this remember that!

It’s hard ? Been stuck on this one for 3 months. And it’s about something that happened 2 years ago?!

Lewis, I’m sorry you are still struggling Are you on medication? I feel that it has really helped me. Are you getting enough sleep? Ocd thrives on low sleep. You need at least 8 hours Are you eating too much sugar or caffeine? Sometimes when I’m struggling I look at those things and realize that there are several factors at play for the reason ocd is hitting me hard

I’m on medication, sleep at least 8 hours. I do have some sugar but no caffeine I don’t even know if it’s possible to get over this. Thank you

It’s possible dude I promise! I’m in a much better place than I was three years ago! And my false memory is that I actually abused a child! Don’t give up

I’m happy to hear that. Did it happen 3 years ago? Or did you start dealing with it 3 years ago? (Like you remembered it)

Three years when I was 19 I was undergoing a lot of stress in nursing school, and my ocd actually began as harm, I thought I killed someone through a med error in clinicals, the anxiety was killing me, I would literally shake at night and then it subsided some and then the thought popped into my head “what if you touched this child” (a family friends child) that I used to be around some when I was 14 or 15 (I’m 22 now) I literally believed I did this because I thought, how can I think this if it’s not true. My mom dragged me to the doctor because I was so depressed/ emotional and I sat in the doctors office believing I was a P. But the medication (lexapro) helped a ton. And I googled what if I think I’m a P and I found a bunch on POCD and I started to think that maybe I wasn’t crazy. It got better but looking back I still was doing mental compulsions just the anxiety was gone I got off meds and it came back really really bad it was this past year I reached out to therapy and got a diagnosis and doing ERP also on zoloft. Acceptance (ACT) has helped more than anything Meds also really help me

Lewis did my response go through?

Sorry, I only just saw this notification! That sounds terrible, I’m sorry you have to go through that. Thank you for your help I’ve had a better day today, just haven’t been thinking/ruminating too much I start ERP on Monday :)

No worries. If I can make it you can too! Reach out anytime if you need some support

Thank you! What method did you use with ERP? I’ve heard some people record it and have it to play back over?

So far my therapist has had me saying aloud my fears like “all my memories are true” “I molested “and say the child’s name” But we are working up to a script and that is when I will record myself saying it and listen to it repeatedly

Ah right ok. Do you find that helps? I hope it does. I can barely feel any positive emotions :/

At first it was really hard to get through. Especially saying the persons name just set me off crying and emotional. I had a few bad dreams at first but I got through it. Now my anxiety ratings are low during the exposure. I’m able to say ok ocd it’s true, during the exposure and allow my brain to sit through it without ruminating, reassuring. It’s getting easier but I am nervous about doing the script. I’m finally doing things I enjoy again, like going to the gym, time with friends and family etc. I still have triggering times at work and still doing a few compulsions (I work with kids) But don’t compare your recovery to mine, every one is different and remember recovery is not linear, it’s a marathon not a sprint :)

Thank you that helps! I just want to know it works, I feel anxiety all day every day anyway. Also feel guilty all the time and can’t enjoy things really in the moment. Feel guilty and that I don’t deserve to be happy so it won’t let me

I’m so sorry Lewis :( I’ve been there. I quit eating when I was in the dumps of it. I couldn’t do suicide because I couldn’t do that to my family so I just stopped eating/ living. My meds helped the most with that and that guilt feeling. It sounds like your meds aren’t working. How long have you been on them? You may need to switch to another one if you are still feeling that way. So Monday will be the first session with your therapist?

What medication are you on? That sounds horrible ? I was there in January. Didn’t want to eat, couldn’t do anything So things have got a lot better. But I am constantly watching things thinking “I don’t deserve to be happy or look forward to things” Well we have had 2 sessions before introducing and like explaining everything.

Zoloft! I used to be on lexapro which worked fine but I got married and didn’t like the sexual side effects so I got off it... along came second relapse :) zoloft has done me well tho. Glad it’s some better. I still think those things sometimes too. My therapist calls it the “backdoor spike” when I think those things I tell ocd “well maybe I don’t deserve to be happy but I’m still going to try my best anyways” and it tends to quiet down. Bring ocd along for the ride. It will figure out that you are the boss, not it. Gotcha. I hope that he/she will guide you through the ERP successfully. The best thing my therapist has taught me is cognitive defusion or simply observing the thoughts not entangling in them. Accepting the thoughts and show self forgiveness to yourself helps too :)