Thread
Brave through
11d ago
  • Sexual Orientation OCD

Okay so i have a lot to say and i know if even one of you reads this i wont feel alone… pls read if you can i would be grateful 1. So i have soocd and I don’t know if I believe it. Somedays i am good don’t feel like i have it at all and then there are days when i am miserable. 2. While i was with a friend recently she said in a very joking way that you have never really had a bf just accept it you’re a lesbian and that put me in a spot i smiles and took it as a joke but it got me thinking she could be right I haven’t liked a guy in so long what could that mean?!? I didn’t have a problem with her saying it and I don’t know what to think of it but with every thought after that i have gone back to this and thought what if this was right… 3. So people i see on the internet getting to know what they really were later in life what if that happens with me?!! What if I actually get whatever realisation it is later what would i do then and if i am thinking of this possibility then there might be some truth in it?!? For me to even think of it in the first place.. 4. I read a comment on this platform that with soocd you just never think of coming out and I didn’t too but then i had this anxiety strike when i felt like i was going to tell my mom or my friends about it but i felt like why would i ?!? Would i be lying if i do?!? What if i am not?!? It felt too real and is that some sign cause that’s opposite of what one with soocd would do… 5. A question which constantly is there is just cause we haven’t been put in a situation like that we don’t know it what if we are and we like it and then what?!? All of this would mean a lie… 6. Friends who are straight and have kissed the same sex feel no anxiety nothing are okay with it what if our anxiety with these thoughts means they actually are true cause why else would we be so bothered with them what could be the reason it could be true but just us being scared because people without this are easy going and which just like in a way proves that we are scared and that’s why we are so bothered…. 7. My past same sex childhood experiences haven’t been a help either what if i was always a bi and now just transforming into a like completely liking the same sex and why was that easy for me to write… what if i never liked guys and all that was fake… what am i supposed to do 8. Sometimes i feel i fake all of it like i saw a girl with a septum piercing and short hair and i was like looking at her and staring and idk if it was my soocd telling me she’s cute would be my type?!? But why would i even think that in the first place…. And then it was like i wanted it to be fake so i just kept reminding myself of thinking about it forcefully so its like soocd and not denial and why would i do that why did that feel so real and so fake at the same time.. its so messed up.. 9. A video on reel o saw of this girl in an all girls school and her parents sent her to stay away from boys but jokes on then cause she is not straight and i was like what if i was put in that position and there are people with soocd who think we never do that but then why do i think i would and would i be okay with it or is it my soocd making me feel so but it should make me feel the opposite.. like i should try to run away from it… 10. And like i said why would i keep noticing when it should be trigger and i should avoid it or switch it off like I don’t understand what am I supposed to to…even when i pray that i am over all of this i feel its always so fake do i even want it to be will I accept this in the near future what do i do… Lastly i just don’t know what to do or where to go from here i always feel like i am faking this and using soocd as a mode of escapism. Sometimes i think I don’t have it altogether cause the feeling of all these feelings being are so real and denial I don’t know what to trust..I don’t know if you guys will relate to me but if you do ig you’re not alone…

djh123
11d ago
I am dealing with transgender OCD and I can relate to a lot of this. Checking/testing your emotional or physical responses, scanning your past for "evidence," "what if" ruminations, these are classic compulsions. I've been having some trouble the last few days giving in to them. I am going to try to recommit with sitting with the uncertainty. Also, the feeling that you are using OCD to "cover up" or "deny" something is very common with both SO-OCD and TOCD I think. I just want to let you know that you are not alone.
Brave through
10d ago
Thankyou this means a lot:)) all of this is hard and torturous and to have people who understand is a blessing in the hard times
cc97
10d ago
The second part is similar to something that happened to me and actually was the start of my SOOCD
Brave through
10d ago
The second part?!?
Brave through
10d ago
Could you explain what are you talking about ?and explain better
cc97
10d ago
@Brave through #2 you said a friend mentioned you not having a boyfriend and that it must mean you’re a lesbian as a joke. The same thing happened to me but it was what started my SOCOD
cc97
10d ago
@cc97 *SOOCD
Brave through
10d ago
@cc97 Yeah I understand mine started after i watched a show and then because i had experiences i was like what if it is like that
Brave through
10d ago
@cc97 I don’t know what to do and can’t help but feel i am the only person who is suffering through all this and going through all of it
cc97
10d ago
@Brave through I wish I could help but I’m currently struggling too. Just know you’re not alone even if it feels like you’re the only one dealing or experiencing these things
Brave through
10d ago
@cc97 I appreciate it thankyou 🥺
cc97
10d ago
@Brave through also OCD will find any way to convince u that it isnt OCD. It will use everything and everything against you
Brave through
10d ago
@cc97 I know when people tell me all this i feel there hope even if its for that one mili second i do and that feeling is nice before i am thrown back to feeling all things again
cc97
10d ago
@Brave through Yes I agree
Brave through
10d ago
@cc97 Just reading your comment made me feel good for one second before i start doubting it okay what if its not that altogether what if its you and its always been like this what if it isn’t ocd cause it feels so real and all of that its a vicious cycle i am tired and i want to get better
Jesse Miller
8d ago
So, the advice I can give you from this post is that this sounds like a lot of rumination. You're trying to solve the anxiety and find answers into why you are having these thoughts. What if the thoughts are just meaningless? Why do you need answers in your sexuality? Maybe you do like girls or guys or whoever. You just don't know and society has put it in your head that you have to have an answer. luckily you don't! you don't have to know. i would give acceptance that you will date who you want to. write worst case scenarios: what if you went out on a date with a guy and realized you like women. what if you went on a date with a woman and realized it wasn't what you wanted. how bad would the anxiety really be in these cases? maybe even watch movies involving people questioning their sexuality, or write down what you think it would be like to "come out" to your parents. you need to lean into the anxiety that these thoughts are causing instead of solving it.
Brave through
8d ago
Everything said makes sense but my mind still questions as to why all the probabilities you just stated feel like if that’s supposed to happen i should know about it?!? Do i ?!? And just not accept it….
Brave through
8d ago
With these thoughts i always feel so numb like idk how to explain its like I don’t even question their origin which I don’t understand people are so okay with all this and but then why am i stuck in this vicious cycle where now guys I actually liked and wanted something to do with i have lost my attraction for them also and treat that as a proof.
Jesse Miller
8d ago
@Brave through Compulsions will always try to win. You need to remind yourself that when they try to, that you know intuitively that you can handle the obsessions and they are meaningless.
Brave through
8d ago
But the constant questioning as to are they really meaningless? I get flashes here and there what does that mean for both the genders but i can never make sense of the same one and then i notice guys but then if i also notice guys the way i notice girls and these flashes are they a part of some hidden desire that I don’t understand or is it actually ocd doing this to me i don’t understand….
Jesse Miller
8d ago
I see you’re coming back to find answers hours later after posting. This is a compulsion. You are still trying to find answers within your thoughts. You can sit with the anxiety and not ruminate on the subject. You got this!
Bimmi
8d ago
The questions are indeed meaningless and useless. OCD lives of doubt and questions, it will never provide answers. It does not lead anywhere to try to get answers, it only exhausts us. But it is also OCD to check, to compare and to analyze our feelings and reactions to reach some clarity. Thatswhy therapy focuses on living with uncertainty. That seems to only way to calm us down and to stop that part of our brain to destroy ourselves. I do get all that and I am still doubting, questioning, analyzing and thinking. but I try, as often as I can, to break the cycle and to just go on living. Does not work often enough yet.