Okay so i have a lot to say and i know if even one of you reads this i wont feel alone… pls read if you can i would be grateful 1. So i have soocd and I don’t know if I believe it. Somedays i am good don’t feel like i have it at all and then there are days when i am miserable. 2. While i was with a friend recently she said in a very joking way that you have never really had a bf just accept it you’re a lesbian and that put me in a spot i smiles and took it as a joke but it got me thinking she could be right I haven’t liked a guy in so long what could that mean?!? I didn’t have a problem with her saying it and I don’t know what to think of it but with every thought after that i have gone back to this and thought what if this was right… 3. So people i see on the internet getting to know what they really were later in life what if that happens with me?!! What if I actually get whatever realisation it is later what would i do then and if i am thinking of this possibility then there might be some truth in it?!? For me to even think of it in the first place.. 4. I read a comment on this platform that with soocd you just never think of coming out and I didn’t too but then i had this anxiety strike when i felt like i was going to tell my mom or my friends about it but i felt like why would i ?!? Would i be lying if i do?!? What if i am not?!? It felt too real and is that some sign cause that’s opposite of what one with soocd would do… 5. A question which constantly is there is just cause we haven’t been put in a situation like that we don’t know it what if we are and we like it and then what?!? All of this would mean a lie… 6. Friends who are straight and have kissed the same sex feel no anxiety nothing are okay with it what if our anxiety with these thoughts means they actually are true cause why else would we be so bothered with them what could be the reason it could be true but just us being scared because people without this are easy going and which just like in a way proves that we are scared and that’s why we are so bothered…. 7. My past same sex childhood experiences haven’t been a help either what if i was always a bi and now just transforming into a like completely liking the same sex and why was that easy for me to write… what if i never liked guys and all that was fake… what am i supposed to do 8. Sometimes i feel i fake all of it like i saw a girl with a septum piercing and short hair and i was like looking at her and staring and idk if it was my soocd telling me she’s cute would be my type?!? But why would i even think that in the first place…. And then it was like i wanted it to be fake so i just kept reminding myself of thinking about it forcefully so its like soocd and not denial and why would i do that why did that feel so real and so fake at the same time.. its so messed up.. 9. A video on reel o saw of this girl in an all girls school and her parents sent her to stay away from boys but jokes on then cause she is not straight and i was like what if i was put in that position and there are people with soocd who think we never do that but then why do i think i would and would i be okay with it or is it my soocd making me feel so but it should make me feel the opposite.. like i should try to run away from it… 10. And like i said why would i keep noticing when it should be trigger and i should avoid it or switch it off like I don’t understand what am I supposed to to…even when i pray that i am over all of this i feel its always so fake do i even want it to be will I accept this in the near future what do i do… Lastly i just don’t know what to do or where to go from here i always feel like i am faking this and using soocd as a mode of escapism. Sometimes i think I don’t have it altogether cause the feeling of all these feelings being are so real and denial I don’t know what to trust..I don’t know if you guys will relate to me but if you do ig you’re not alone…

Ok... I was doing good until a few weeks ago. I really was making a lot of progress until a few weeks ago. Backdoor spikes turned up and ocd came back with full force. Or at least I think it's ocd... I hope it is. My theme is hocd, by the way. I try to not give the thoughts much attention, but they're making me mad. It feels so real, and when I see coming out stories it just adds up, as if I should come out too. It terrifies me, every day I think about wanting to die, to not wake up, to cease existing. It's been so draining, and so lonely. I don't want to be in the closet, I don't want to have romantic relationships with women. And ocd makes me question why that: because of my morals? What if your sexuality goes deeper than your morals and you're just denying you like women? Maybe you should try it out, you'd like it. This scares me so. much. And the thing is: I watch same sex porn. It turns me on. I've seen on the internet many women actually watch same sex porn, but ocd makes me question if my case isn't different from other women. All the time I'm worried that I'll just lose control and kiss any woman that's by my side. I haven't had any experience with men either, as I'm reserved and a hopeless romantic (high expectations). I've liked men before, though, and I still have many crushes today. Ocd tries to convince me this is just a cover up. This is just destroying my life. This is daily torture, I can't imagine myself living with this forever. What am I supposed to tell my eventual boyfriend, my husband? How am I supposed to have children in this state of mind? What if some day I just snap out of this and actually realize I'm gay? What if this question is actually me already admitting that I am in fact gay? Honestly, it's too much. This was quite hard to write, and I tried to include here as much as possible of my insecurities. If you read till here I'm grateful. Just wanted to say that I DON'T have anything against gay people, even though they're making me very anxious since this all started, which adds up to my endless collection of intrusive thoughts (it makes me think I'm in denial because of some prejudice).

Hi guys, I hope you're all doing well! I have a question to ask you! I have had SOOCD for a pretty long time now. So when I compare it to how it first started I rememeber that I was like " this is not me" or "what is this", I could'nt even imagine myself in a sexual situation with a women without saying "not for me no way" and everytime I used to see lgbtq+ couples on social media I used to get soo triggered and just scroll down. However fast forward 6 years, the thoughts bother me less, its like I actually like them, if I imagine any scenarios it feels "real" and I volontarly look up lgbtq+ couples which gives me a sense of peace? ( my therapist said that it was a complusion and a way of telling myself if it ever happens I'll be okay but im not so sure of her analysis). Looking at what I just wrote, I know that some of you are gonna say its the backdoor spike etc... but it just feel like I was in denial and year after year Im finally "accepting my true self?". Which scares me a lot because im in a relationship with my bf of 6 years whom I love ( as a friend or as a bf? idk at this point) and I dont want to throw everything away!!! or if I dont, Im sacred to realise in 3 years that Im actually into girls and have wasted 9 years of this guy's life juste because I was "scared". I dont know if any of you have had this for soo long to get to this point.... It doesnt help that I saw a tiktok of a bi girl saying that when she used to date guys she was in total control of her emotions and it was nice and confortable, but when she started dating girls she literally felt "honored to be able to share her life with her gf and to touch her and to be with her and can't believe that her gf chose her and just feels like she literrally cant breath around her from the love she feels". totally triggered.

Is there anyone here who has struggled with SO-OCD for a very long time? or as long as they could remember? I see a lot of post of people saying "yes, I always knew I was straight and it came suddently out of nowhere" or "yes I was always boy crazy and one morning I woke up and had these thoughts". However, I have had these thoughts for as long as I could remembrer (maybe since I was 8 or 10 years old) and I am 26 today! Which makes me feel like 1) my OCD is fake and its just denial and I'm just too afraid 2) I feel so alone. My therapist actually dignosed me with SOOCD 6 years ago but I just always feel like there is something not right... I also have been with my bf for 6 years and I love him but again it always felt like something was missing... and at the same time I cant imagine life without him and I love cuddling/being close to him... I know that there are a lot of people on the spectrum, I'm just scared that I'm living a lie and will deceive everyone and will come out later in life (like Sophia Bush or Chrishell Stause) when I have kids and I'm gonna ruin everyone's life... Like my mind is telling me now is better than after, come on do it!