I am dealing with transgender OCD and I can relate to a lot of this. Checking/testing your emotional or physical responses, scanning your past for "evidence," "what if" ruminations, these are classic compulsions. I've been having some trouble the last few days giving in to them. I am going to try to recommit with sitting with the uncertainty. Also, the feeling that you are using OCD to "cover up" or "deny" something is very common with both SO-OCD and TOCD I think. I just want to let you know that you are not alone.
Thankyou this means a lot:)) all of this is hard and torturous and to have people who understand is a blessing in the hard times
The second part is similar to something that happened to me and actually was the start of my SOOCD
The second part?!?
Could you explain what are you talking about ?and explain better
@Brave through #2 you said a friend mentioned you not having a boyfriend and that it must mean you’re a lesbian as a joke. The same thing happened to me but it was what started my SOCOD
@cc97 Yeah I understand mine started after i watched a show and then because i had experiences i was like what if it is like that
@cc97 I don’t know what to do and can’t help but feel i am the only person who is suffering through all this and going through all of it
@Brave through I wish I could help but I’m currently struggling too. Just know you’re not alone even if it feels like you’re the only one dealing or experiencing these things
@cc97 I appreciate it thankyou 🥺
@Brave through also OCD will find any way to convince u that it isnt OCD. It will use everything and everything against you
@cc97 I know when people tell me all this i feel there hope even if its for that one mili second i do and that feeling is nice before i am thrown back to feeling all things again
@Brave through Yes I agree
@cc97 Just reading your comment made me feel good for one second before i start doubting it okay what if its not that altogether what if its you and its always been like this what if it isn’t ocd cause it feels so real and all of that its a vicious cycle i am tired and i want to get better
So, the advice I can give you from this post is that this sounds like a lot of rumination. You're trying to solve the anxiety and find answers into why you are having these thoughts. What if the thoughts are just meaningless? Why do you need answers in your sexuality? Maybe you do like girls or guys or whoever. You just don't know and society has put it in your head that you have to have an answer. luckily you don't! you don't have to know. i would give acceptance that you will date who you want to. write worst case scenarios: what if you went out on a date with a guy and realized you like women. what if you went on a date with a woman and realized it wasn't what you wanted. how bad would the anxiety really be in these cases? maybe even watch movies involving people questioning their sexuality, or write down what you think it would be like to "come out" to your parents. you need to lean into the anxiety that these thoughts are causing instead of solving it.
Everything said makes sense but my mind still questions as to why all the probabilities you just stated feel like if that’s supposed to happen i should know about it?!? Do i ?!? And just not accept it….
With these thoughts i always feel so numb like idk how to explain its like I don’t even question their origin which I don’t understand people are so okay with all this and but then why am i stuck in this vicious cycle where now guys I actually liked and wanted something to do with i have lost my attraction for them also and treat that as a proof.
@Brave through Compulsions will always try to win. You need to remind yourself that when they try to, that you know intuitively that you can handle the obsessions and they are meaningless.
But the constant questioning as to are they really meaningless? I get flashes here and there what does that mean for both the genders but i can never make sense of the same one and then i notice guys but then if i also notice guys the way i notice girls and these flashes are they a part of some hidden desire that I don’t understand or is it actually ocd doing this to me i don’t understand….
I see you’re coming back to find answers hours later after posting. This is a compulsion. You are still trying to find answers within your thoughts. You can sit with the anxiety and not ruminate on the subject. You got this!
The questions are indeed meaningless and useless. OCD lives of doubt and questions, it will never provide answers. It does not lead anywhere to try to get answers, it only exhausts us. But it is also OCD to check, to compare and to analyze our feelings and reactions to reach some clarity. Thatswhy therapy focuses on living with uncertainty. That seems to only way to calm us down and to stop that part of our brain to destroy ourselves. I do get all that and I am still doubting, questioning, analyzing and thinking. but I try, as often as I can, to break the cycle and to just go on living. Does not work often enough yet.