- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
So, the advice I can give you from this post is that this sounds like a lot of rumination. You're trying to solve the anxiety and find answers into why you are having these thoughts. What if the thoughts are just meaningless? Why do you need answers in your sexuality? Maybe you do like girls or guys or whoever. You just don't know and society has put it in your head that you have to have an answer. luckily you don't! you don't have to know. i would give acceptance that you will date who you want to. write worst case scenarios: what if you went out on a date with a guy and realized you like women. what if you went on a date with a woman and realized it wasn't what you wanted. how bad would the anxiety really be in these cases? maybe even watch movies involving people questioning their sexuality, or write down what you think it would be like to "come out" to your parents. you need to lean into the anxiety that these thoughts are causing instead of solving it.
- Date posted
- 3y
Everything said makes sense but my mind still questions as to why all the probabilities you just stated feel like if that’s supposed to happen i should know about it?!? Do i ?!? And just not accept it….
- Date posted
- 3y
With these thoughts i always feel so numb like idk how to explain its like I don’t even question their origin which I don’t understand people are so okay with all this and but then why am i stuck in this vicious cycle where now guys I actually liked and wanted something to do with i have lost my attraction for them also and treat that as a proof.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@Brave through Compulsions will always try to win. You need to remind yourself that when they try to, that you know intuitively that you can handle the obsessions and they are meaningless.
- Date posted
- 3y
But the constant questioning as to are they really meaningless? I get flashes here and there what does that mean for both the genders but i can never make sense of the same one and then i notice guys but then if i also notice guys the way i notice girls and these flashes are they a part of some hidden desire that I don’t understand or is it actually ocd doing this to me i don’t understand….
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I see you’re coming back to find answers hours later after posting. This is a compulsion. You are still trying to find answers within your thoughts. You can sit with the anxiety and not ruminate on the subject. You got this!
- Date posted
- 3y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 3y
No i have never had that and because I question everything i question that too but i have never and I don’t think i will ever want that but I doubt stuff so much I don’t know what to do how to do it and my experiences with guys haven’t been the best cause the ones i have wanted i have never really got those guys idk what to do and i am thankful of you for just reading and replying to this
- Date posted
- 3y
I am dealing with transgender OCD and I can relate to a lot of this. Checking/testing your emotional or physical responses, scanning your past for "evidence," "what if" ruminations, these are classic compulsions. I've been having some trouble the last few days giving in to them. I am going to try to recommit with sitting with the uncertainty. Also, the feeling that you are using OCD to "cover up" or "deny" something is very common with both SO-OCD and TOCD I think. I just want to let you know that you are not alone.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thankyou this means a lot:)) all of this is hard and torturous and to have people who understand is a blessing in the hard times
- Date posted
- 3y
The second part is similar to something that happened to me and actually was the start of my SOOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
The second part?!?
- Date posted
- 3y
Could you explain what are you talking about ?and explain better
- Date posted
- 3y
@Brave through #2 you said a friend mentioned you not having a boyfriend and that it must mean you’re a lesbian as a joke. The same thing happened to me but it was what started my SOCOD
- Date posted
- 3y
@cc97 *SOOCD
- Date posted
- 3y
@cc97 Yeah I understand mine started after i watched a show and then because i had experiences i was like what if it is like that
- Date posted
- 3y
@cc97 I don’t know what to do and can’t help but feel i am the only person who is suffering through all this and going through all of it
- Date posted
- 3y
@Brave through I wish I could help but I’m currently struggling too. Just know you’re not alone even if it feels like you’re the only one dealing or experiencing these things
- Date posted
- 3y
@cc97 I appreciate it thankyou 🥺
- Date posted
- 3y
@Brave through also OCD will find any way to convince u that it isnt OCD. It will use everything and everything against you
- Date posted
- 3y
@cc97 I know when people tell me all this i feel there hope even if its for that one mili second i do and that feeling is nice before i am thrown back to feeling all things again
- Date posted
- 3y
@Brave through Yes I agree
- Date posted
- 3y
@cc97 Just reading your comment made me feel good for one second before i start doubting it okay what if its not that altogether what if its you and its always been like this what if it isn’t ocd cause it feels so real and all of that its a vicious cycle i am tired and i want to get better
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
- Date posted
- 12w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
- Date posted
- 8w
TW: SO-OCD. I have been a part of the NOCD community for around 4 years now. I am seeing more and more posts, but I am very rarely seeing people actually commenting, reposting and engaging back. I think I have always had obsessive thoughts, but never knew it was a thing until around 5 years ago. I believe my first theme was Harm OCD, when my little brother was first born in 2007. I used to scream at night as I was so worried he was going to be kidnapped, or he may d*e. I would avoid sleeping at friends house's, my dad's (as my parents had split) as I thought if I wasn't there to protect him then something bad would happen. My mum said she would wake up and I would be asleep net to his cot in the morning (I was only 10 at the time). Fast forward to 2017, where me and my high school boyfriend split up, I convinced myself I may be gay as I no longer wanted to have sex with him (almost found it a chore). I was 16/17. We split up and I lived my 'single' life. Spent my time dating males etc and then myself and my ex got back together in 2018. My intrusive thoughts took a turn for the worst in lockdown, when again may libido decreased significantly, and I didn't feel and ;urge' with my boyfriend sStill current partner). I remember one day, bursting into tears, had a panic attack and cried for hours with the most excruciating anxiety chest pains. I told him and my mum about my thoughts. They are both incredibly supportive and my mu actually told me that she had these thoughts too when she was round 19 and still does now (I also didn't know that COD can be inherited). After about 18 months of the worst mental health, significant weight loss, social thoughts and almost ending my relationship, I started to see light at the end of the tunnel. 2022, things started to get better. My partner and I were in the best place we could have EVER been! Sex life was AMAZING (quality of quantity I mean) and I honestly thought, this was the end. March 2024 I fell pregnant. Again, I had a great pregnancy, sec life was great, was so excited for our future. I have never been one to be bothered about marriage, but kept having this lovely vision of us getting married and our little girl walking down the aisle. Baby girls born in November 2024 and BAM, SO-OCD and ROCD have kicked in. I am now questioning my sexuality again, if I am in the right relationship, am I just 'settling'?, does he deserve me?, am I in denial?, what if we get married and then it turns out I am gay?, I don't want him to propose as I am scared etc. Just relentless every single day. I even question, if any of the conversations I have had with family and friends where they have related to me, were even real or if I made them up for my own comfort, so that I do't feel alone?! I am constantly reviewing past events, as I worry that I wanted to explore my sexuality in university, as I remember having an amazing friendship with a lesbian (who was, I am not afraid to admit, very 'handsome'), and we did flirt, as she did with everyone!! But we never took it any further, it never crossed my mind! I almost don't even get the 'anxiety/'sick' feeling anymore because I am SO used to the thoughts. I don't have an urge to act on my thoughts, but they are also no longer debilitating for me. I just feel exhausted with them. They are ALWAYS there. I have gone down the rabbit hole of avoiding meeting new women friends incase 'I find them attractive', if there is a same sex couple on a program I watch, I automatically avoid. I compare my relationship to others. I saw an insta reel yesterday of a women in her 30's that said 'when you're lay in bed with your husband, searching 'Am I Gay' questionnaires and you decide to divorce and follow your heart' and it was a page dedicated to her helping other mid life adults cope with coming out as gay! It really really really triggered me. I am just exhausted. If anybody else wants to share there story, comment below. It doesn't have to be the same sub types, but just an opportunity to vent!
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