Hey guys so i wanted to see if this could possibly be ocd or maybe something else idk lol and im not trying to like get reassurance km just curious cuz i’ve never thought about this until now. So my whole life especially recently since i’ve moved to college, i always analyze whether or not i fit in with people. I’ve always been pretty hard on myself my whole life aboit feeling different than my friends or just feeling like i don’t understand how everyone can just be themselves so easily and not anxious or how i think people are just more likable than me. i don’t know if that makes any sense, but i feel like i’ll hang out with a group of girls and then afterwords i’ll be like why do i feel like i wasn’t the same as them or why do i feel like they’re better than me etc. just constantly trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and why im different then them. I think that may have been ocd itself or maybe not im not sure. recently i’ve been struggling with trans ocd and my mind often likes to think back to that and how my whole life i’ve kinda worried about how i felt different than all the other girls . it scares me cuz it makes me think that maybe i really am not a girl and i just haven’t realized it until now. but now im realizing that those worries from my whole life might have just been ocd to begin with. idk if any of this makes any sense and im just rambling on and on but im just curious to see what u guys think

Hi hannah, I can definitely relate. My ocd has always made me have a poor opinion of myself, constantly wondering why I felt different and didn’t fit in and doubting everything I do and am to the nth degree, because that’s just what the OCD bully likes to do. I have always been super hard on myself and even harder to forgive myself even when everyone else had. I have always felt like I was being judged and everyone was watching me to see what I’d do wrong next and I would often not do things I wanted to or act a certain way because of this fear and doubt that I was somehow a bad person or different and ruminating why I just couldn’t be “normal” and just do what I wanted like it seemed everyone else did. To me, it sounds like your OCD bully is trying to use your memories of doubt (that it caused) to double down on your doubt from trans OCD. Try to not ruminate on your memories of doubt from the past, that won’t make that past doubt go away and will most likely only make it stronger or possibly distort it into being more of a false memory the more you think about those events and doubt them further with each visit. Yes, I know that is always much easier said than done, especially by an outsider. This one will be tough, but I would also try to tell your intrusive thoughts about doubting whether you have ever really been a girl “so what if that is or isn’t true? What does it matter? At the end of the day I am still me and you (OCD) can’t diminish who I am or all that I’ve done in my life, no matter how much you want me to dwell in doubt and anxiety and give you an answer, so I’m not playing your game…not today…” and try to just let that question go and move on to something else in your day….something that makes you happy. Because even if you did give the bully an answer it won’t like it and will just make you doubt the answer it gave you anyway, so try to starve it and make it wither and blow into the background as best you can. Not sure if that helps or not, but stay strong against your OCD bully, best wishes and take care.

I believe you have to learn to love yourself . I use to do the same thing . I always compared myself and looked down on myself because I constantly compared and didn’t truly love myself . You have to build your self esteem and get validation from your self . Self worth and self love is so important . A lot of people I know love themselves , so they’re not dealing with this matter . Everyone is different . Love yourself , take care of yourself and believe in yourself !

I think a lot of my feeling "off" around other people growing up was OCD-related, but now my OCD grabs on to it and tries to say it's because I was "really" a trans woman among cis men.

I have felt, the exact. Same. Way. I swear this could be word for word what I just yesterday discussed with my therapist(I’m also dealing with transocd, and always kind of felt like I didn’t fit in either). I definitely recommend bringing this up with your therapist if you have one, mine gave me some kind of enlightening things to think about