- Username
- Saraa
- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Username
- Brian K.Brian K.
- User type
- NOCD Alumni
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hi Saraa, sorry to hear his asking if you want a break is flaring up your ROCD. Try to remember that no amount of worrying is going to change the future and playing what if games all day about staying or taking a break will never give an answer to your OCD that will satisfy as you know. Understood that he has been there since the start of your ROCD recovery, but since he knows about your ROCD, that is all the more reason why he should not be doing things that he knows would feed into your ROCD and doubt. Saying his flirting is just his personality is a cop-out on his part, especially since he knows how it makes you feel and your ROCD. I’ve been fed that line before, and given I also have some ROCD, I can definitely relate to how you feel. Back to your ROCD, try not to fall into the what if rabbit hole and try to tell yourself that no matter what happens with you two, you will be ok, and you deserve to be happy, truly happy and not just happy some part of the time, be it with him or someone else. Whatever you decide to do, best wishes and stay strong against your OCD as well as in trying to make as happy of a life as possible for you, because we only get one shot. Take care.
- Username
- Bananaclip Bananaclip
- Date posted
- 3y ago
In no way do you have to feel obligated to my advice but I think that if I were in your shoes I would have another conversation with it about him and express that it makes you extremely uncomfortable and that it hurts your feelings when he flirts with other girls I feel like there is a line that should not be crossed and his attention should be on you. You deserve quality time and it is important that you are honest and tell him your feelings and maybe depending on his answer I would see what choice you would like to take on taking a pause. You deserve to feel loved and confident in your relationship I hope I could be some help to you
- Username
- SaraaSaraa
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hi!! This comment helped me soooo much❤❤ thank you! I had a deep conversation with him (ended like at 3 am) where I told him everything (and cried a lot too). We spoke about our definitions of love etc. And I hope he understood the problem! He told that we could find a compromise, so I hope something change in the future!! You are right, I should put a line. (It's okay obviously talking to other girls, cheering for them etc. But not all that phisical, and most important I hate how if he always is the first asking and helping if they have a problem, because he is always near them! When it is not even doing this with me or his guys friends!! This make me feel sooo unimportant :( Thank you again!!
- Username
- JAMIEN0TAMYJAMIEN0TAMY
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I think you’re right. If he knows this hurts you, he shouldn’t be doing it! You deserve your partner’s full attention.
- Username
- SaraaSaraa
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thank you for your answer and your support💖 I don't want him to change his personal for me either! The problem is that we have 2 different love languages! And 2 definitions of "complicity"! For him complicity and having a strong bond means "thinking the same things, understand each other, having interests in common (we have all that)" For me complicity means "being the first to know what is in his mind, being the first asked by an opinion, searching alway my attentions, helping me with my problems; and wanting my help for his! (We don't have that)" His reasoning is "I already see you all week, when I see my friends, that I see less than you, I give more attentions to them!" But then he will give all the attentions to the girls..
- Username
- SaraaSaraa
- Date posted
- 3y ago
He also said that he is okay, if I want/need; to give me some time (as a pause) to let him know my decision tomorrow. And that now triggered my rocd soo bad, because I don't know what to do, and I'm ruminating too much. I started to ask myself "how would you feel if" and now I'm stuck. I know that we have been really good togheter, but I'm really really scared of being hurt again; and the thought "no he will never change, he isn't just the right one for you" is terrifying me :(
- Username
- Bookworm91Bookworm91
- Date posted
- 3y ago
no offense but I really don’t think he cares. At all. Or at least not nearly as much as you should. You need to leave. Just cut him entirely out of your life and never communicate with him again.
- Username
- SaraaSaraa
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Bookworm91 That's what I thought too, for a lot of time, but he stayed with me even when I was super depressed, he even start the journey with me for my rocd... I hate him sometimes; but I love him too! I can't just let him go, I really can't. Sometimes I want to, sometimes he show me that things can go better, and I'm happy with him. I would love being able of just saying goodbye to him... but I don't know If I want to and I can't:( and I also would hate saying goodbye to him! I'm a little in conflict with myself yes.
- Username
- Bookworm91Bookworm91
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Saraa So what? So what if he didn’t leave when you were depressed. I know it hurts to hear this but HE DOESNT CARE. Don’t know why but he doesn’t or wouldn’t do those things that really bother you. What you described is not a little thing. The flirting. But if you’re not going to let him go then you’re going to have to just deal with the pain. And that will be YOUR decision. He won’t change. He doesn’t care.
- Username
- SaraaSaraa
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Bookworm91 Do you all think that I'm doing a wrong thing by staying? I don't think he doesn't care; he would have just left me; or he wouldn't be here trying to find compromises or understanding rocd! Why would he stay; if he is not interested in makes thing better?
- Username
- Bookworm91Bookworm91
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Saraa There are some things that shouldn’t be compromised. Him flirting with other people is one of them. Why don’t you try being flirty with other people and saying “it’s just part of my personality” see how likes it. And no to be honest if he cared he’d have stopped it by now.
Related posts
- Username
- Ocd brain
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hi guys I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. I have struggled with ROCD for a long time now and it has been hard on my relationship. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half and 2 weeks ago he admitted to me that he finds other girls attractive. It seems innocent to me and I know it is normal to find beauty in other people even when in a relationship. I know it’s normal, but I still cannot stop worrying about it. I worry he may find these girls more attractive than me and will develop feelings for them. My boyfriend says he doesn’t find them more attractive and that he only wants to be with me, but I can’t stop these thoughts. I have tried ERP exercises, talked to my therapist and asked my partner for reassurance which only helps temporarily and then the constant worry and agonizing intrusive thoughts come back. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to worry about this anymore. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I just want to be able to accept this and move on.
- Username
- Saraa
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hi. I would love an opinion: Me and my bf, have a really similar personalities and intrest. We get along really well. The difference came out from the fact that I have an anxious attachment (= giving priority and attentions to express my love. I would love to spend all my days with him) but he is avoidant! (=super independent, prefers to do things alone, fears being "strict" in a relationship; have a lot of females friends, ready to take my place). I get really hurt by some behaviours of him, but that he do without giving them the same meaning that I see and that hurts me. He want to solve the problems. But all of that make me question myself: would be better finding someone more compatible with me (I mean, someone that gives to attentions and time spent togheter, the same importance that I give? I would prefer it, I don't want to keep being hurt... but I don't want to broke up with him either... what should I do?? Is that still rocd?
- Username
- dee012
- Date posted
- 1y ago
rocd help
me and my boyfriend have had periods where we fight a lot recently. Ever since then, a lot of people, strangers, coworkers, classmates, anytime, I am around them, I find them attractive, or find qualities about them that are attractive. I feel like maybe this happens because I am lacking something that my boyfriend is not giving me. I just don’t know what, I’m really sad because I really do love my boyfriend and I don’t want anyone else, but these thoughts are really hard to deal with. I also have coworkers that are males that I speak to at work, and I always get intrusive thoughts while I’m talking to them or after. I’m really scared. This means I’m a cheater, or about to cheat. A lot of things have happened to me and my boyfriend’s relationship, not cheating at all but you know there’s way more than that that can happen. I feel like a lot of things have happened that we need to discuss and it’s been weighing on me and causing these thoughts. I feel like maybe I have these thoughts about other people, but my OCD makes it more than what it is and gives me anxiety. Help :(
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