- Username
- Anescandon
- Date posted
- 2y ago
I can relate…I have two young children and have been suffering with harm intrusive thoughts since the end of august. It’s been torture. The disconnect I feel from God is truly awful, I’m slowly trying to build the relationship back up. But it’s so hard when I have little to no self worth.
It’s almost unbearable. I know there has to be a way forward. I know my brains fear center is on overdrive and so I am trying to do the things I can to help my body have the nutrition it needs to be able to build and form the neurotransmitters that my body needs to make in order for my brain to heal. I know there are major therapy lines of thought on how to change my thingking so that I can feel less like a horrible person and more like me again, I just haven’t found it yet.
@Anescandon I need to do better at the physical stuff. I’ve been eating junk and “feel good” foods. I used to be a lot more health conscious and worked out 5 days a week. I don’t remember the last time I did intentional physical activity. I’m sure it would help my brain if I did. But then I go back to feeling unworthy of even doing that.
@ashleyc95 I am by far not crushing it! My mother in law helps encourage me to eat better and today I choked down a super nasty but healthy salad even though I do not have an appetite these days. I have been watching feel good baking shows and trying to walk a lot. Some days are better than others for sure!
@Anescandon That’s wonderful that your mother in law is looking after you, though! Just remember you’re not alone. Keep up the fight. I’ll pray for you! 🤍🤍
@ashleyc95 Same to you!!! We have got this!!!!
I am so sorry. That sounds terrifying and awful. I just absolutely hate that for you. Hormones and med changes and stuff like that can make you feel like an entirely different person and that is one of the scariest things I’ve ever personally experienced. I hope you can find some compassion for yourself and what you’re going through. You are suffering from a medical condition that is entirely out of you control. Of course you can do some things to try to help, but ultimately you are suffering because of changes on a chemical level. Give yourself some space to relax and heal from what is happening in your body. You aren’t bad or wrong for your recovery. If things get to be too much, your doctor should act immediately to help you get back to a stable level. Your kiddos are blessed to have a parent that thinks deeply about the world and their effect on it. They will benefit so much more from seeing their parent be a human being who gets sick but who reaches out for help because they know their worth and there is nothing that they can’t work on.
Please go look at @obsessivelyeverafter on Instagram. It is very helpful!!! Give yourself grace. This is really really fucking hard and you are doing so so well. You ARE NOT your thoughts and your thoughts DO NOT define you!! Your thoughts are not within your control and that’s a large part of why OCD is so crippling. I’m so so so sorry you have to go through this but you will get though it and you are not alone 💕💕💕
In 2020 I had an episode of psychosis because my ocd was so severe. I can’t/couldn’t pick apart intrusive thoughts from reality and I didn’t understand what was happening to me at the time. I live with so much guilt over what I did during psychosis and while I understand my “reasonings” for things, how I was pushed over the edge, I live with the constant fear of judgement and condemnation from those I love if they ever found out. I am on the way to get medicated again, and I’m starting sessions with NOCD again. But I feel like… I’m breaking apart here. I look in the mirror and I realize that there isn’t any running from who I am. There isn’t a magical cure to make me someone else, I will always have to live with this shame of even being in psychosis in the first place. I believe in God but it’s hard to even sit with myself. I’m safe, I’m just severely depressed. I’m looking for hope and it seems like everyday this disorder just gets a little stronger. It’s slowly chipping away at me. I want to get my life back, have a job, a healthy relationship, but I’m so ashamed and sad… guilty for having lost reality like I did. I’m not looking for reassurance, but encouragement. Am I the only one?
I got diagnosed with OCD a few months ago after getting plagued with intrusive thoughts last November. It’s been present in my life since I was younger but didn’t become truly debilitating until last November. I’ve been in therapy since May, and I started an SSRI. I’m a Christian, and I’ve struggled a lot with my faith since this started. I’ve had a hard time with ERP because I fear it’s not going to help and actually make things worse. I have also had a lot of emotional turmoil from family trauma and marriage issues. I’ve become so hopeless and numb and desensitized that I don’t know how to continue forward. I don’t feel like I’m able to talk to anyone about it because it’s taboo, so I feel like a fraud and like I don’t deserve to do things I enjoy or hang out with people I love. I do want to get better but I also have a fear that I don’t actually want to. I feel like my whole life is ruined and that I’ll never enjoy living again.
I have had ocd my whole life… recently for the last year my ocd developed into harm ocd. Four years prior to meeting my husband, I was in an abusive relationship that left me with PTSD and trauma. I have had fears of hurting my husband for almost a year now. My ocd shows me images of me stabbing him or suffocating him. I have tried exposure therapy with an OCD therapist but recently she recommended that I try medication. I went to my PCP and tried Fluvoxamine with bad side effects of anxiety and paranoia (I am off of this now for at least two weeks). Now my ocd has “evolved” as I call it. I’m afraid of my husband poisoning my food, afraid of hurting my animals and the people I love and even now random strangers… all I feel everyday is fear and anxiety over doing something wrong. Today, my PCP called crisis on me as I expressed to him what I also did to my therapists (I’m transitioning to a weekly therapy instead of monthly with a new service) and I was placed in an in patient facility for a few hours before the psychiatrists discharged me. I still don’t know how to process this situation and have been on edge since returning home. I had ocd thoughts again tonight being worried about giving into the harm ocd thoughts and am now in a hotel room in order to feel safe (the OPPOSITE of what I should be doing, I know). Moral of the story is… I have gone through a lot in the past month and it has left me more broken and hurt then before I was on medication. Sorry for the novel to read but hopefully one day I will find relief.
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