Hocd is pure hell. Everytime I try to “accept” my thoughts it feels like I’m truly gay. I’m not homophobic at all but being gay just doesn’t feel right to me. But my mind is saying that being gay is truly what I want. This is torture.

I’m in the same boat, the mornings are always harder because the first thing your mind wants to do is get to running. But what we really got to do is start building good habits-the more we follow the right protocol with these thoughts we start to build some consistency. Just know that it will take time, but I promise you that a day or two will go by and you will consciously perceive progress. Progress will be made, just be relieved knowing that you’re not alone and it’s plenty of us going through the same thing. If this was your reality it would’ve always been your reality my man-you can only run but so far from the truth. You knew since you were a young boy what you like what you don’t like, it may not be black and white across the board but you’ve always known. That is your DNA, that is what makes you you. You have to remember that. You don’t just transform into a person overnight. The issue with us with the specific set of OCD is that we’ve gotten so shocked by it that we’ve ruminated in it for days and now we’ve manifested it as reality. That’s why it won’t go away. We just have to switch gears now, the cool thing about the brain is all your innate desires come back to the forefront-let’s get back to living.

Ill put it to you like this, and this usually helps me get back to my baseline-if you like or love women you cannot be gay. Being gay means being exclusively attracted whether romantically or sexually to the same sex. If you fantasize about having sex with women or you often have in your life, and you enjoy it, you cannot be gay. If you desire to be with a woman, and to marry a woman someday, you cannot be gay. If when you think about sex or watch sex-if you are aroused by the opposite sex you cannot be gay. The solution is to embed these things in your brain. Don’t use it as reassurance just know it, study it, educate yourself. That way when the thoughts come back, identify it as a fear. Yes it’s threatening but if you just neglect it and let it go by the wayside, then you will see that the volume of it decreases. You will start to get more confident. You will have times when it’s harder, such as when you are around other males but you have to continue to educate yourself on who you have always been. You will be who you desire to be.

This is great advice! Thank you so much for real. It’s really hard at times especially in the mornings right when I wake up, the thoughts and anxiety get the to the highest points. I still get aroused by women but it doesn’t last long because gay intrusive thoughts enter my mind and the arousal goes out the window.

Do you have any tips I can do in the morning especially to make then at least a little more bearable?

Thanks for this

I’m still finding the best way to manage it myself but what I usually do is when I get that first thought I try to respond the right way to it right there, because that sets the tone for the day. Then it may be another hour before I get another thought. But I can feel myself making progress because it used to be something I would deal with everyday all day. Now it’s everyday half the day. The other thing that helps me is I will turn the tv on and put on sports center or something, because it’s a lot of males and I will try to use that as a way to get back to normal mode of thinking. Then I’ll try to watch some YouTube videos. It helps me because a lot of times it’s people on tv that I’ve seen a thousand times and never had any intrusive thoughts-so that lets me know I’m going through something. Also, get in a habit of just making small talk with any males you see in passing or during the day. Expect the intrusive thought to come and just ignore it shrug it off and continue the convo-watch how it kinda goes away and then you won’t even think about it until the Convo is over. I can clearly tell when my anxiety sets in-I feel like a zap of energy and a clear sexual repression. Not to be too graphic but it’s like I can feel my nuts shrinking and then I lose my appetite, I get a headache, and then I have to go to the bathroom. It’s more than apparent that this makes you real uncomfortable, so when you start to feel that start meditating these positive things I told you before.

While I understand where AFord15 is coming from, plenty of people are attracted to both men and women. It’s called bisexuality or pansexuality.