Worse thing about ROCD is the guilt in knowing your partner deserves so much better than someone constantly in doubt about things. That's the real torture for me.

My boyfriend would disagree. I want you to show yourself compassion, like you would to someone suffering cancer or a broken arm. Your battle in your head is just as tough. Know that this isn't your fault, and that this is something you are working on. Celebrate small victories, and know you are great. It is really tough to hear it sometimes. You didn't ask for this, and know that the healing isn't a straight line, but if you have someone who loves and stands besides you through this doubting disease that you are with someone who chooses you. Love is a choice ❤. Stay strong please reach out if you need a friend. You are wonderful don't doubt that, and your partner sees it too.

I understand this so much I think this everyday and it is my own personal hell. However, my best friend told me something that has really helped me begin to shift my perspective. She said that I can not decide what he deserves. Even though I feel guilty and not good enough that is my perspective of myself and him. However, as he is his own person he is the only one who gets a say in what he deserves and for me to say he deserves better than me is unfair to both myself and him. To try and say he deserves better is a mistrust of his self assessment. If your partner loves you and feels worthy of your love that is enough even if you don't feel like it is.

I just found out that the soul crushing feelings towards him I've had for 10 years was OCD. I knew I had other manifestations like over checking appliances, hit and run ocd etc. I didn't know a whole lot about OCD and always associated it with checking things. I can look back on my childhood now and see I've had many themes not even knowing what it was. To be honest I haven't told him about this yet and I know it's been a strain on the relationship because he can tell something was wrong. Honestly sometimes I even wanted to take my life before telling him something like this because I don't want to cause him any pain. He is my whole world and he deserves so much. I've been living with guilt forever. Knowing that it is OCD makes it a little better but It's like I can't forgive myself. What a terrible thing that attached to what you love so much. Any advice on how to tell?