- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I have obsessive intrusive thoughts. They started last November and its completely changed my life in the worst way. I dont feel like myself anymore. I feel like a monster and a horrible mother. I have been trying to treat myself through exposure therapy and through ocd work books but I really think I need to start meds again. I was on paxil and I hated the side effects. I'm thinking of starting zoloft.
- Date posted
- 6y
I definitely have been there. I’m not feeling like myself at the moment either. You are not a monster or a horrible mother. Monsters don’t care if they are monsters our not. If you were a horrible mother you wouldn’t think twice or even care. The only reason those thoughts upset you is because you are afraid of being that person. It’s the opposite of you. It’s Just OCD doing what it does best and thats making you doubt yourself. Stay strong?
- Date posted
- 6y
I was just putting clothes on after taking my first shower after three days and I looked so sick, so skinny cause I haven’t eat bc of this too
- Date posted
- 6y
I definitely do the same. You are not your thoughts. You’re brain just produces them. Kind of like gas?. You don’t have control over it. It just happens. Don’t let it define you. You don’t stress over your random good thoughts and that’s only because they don’t cause you anxiety. You’re thoughts all have one thing in common.They are just thoughts. The only difference is the fear attached to the negative ones. Accept them and let them go. Easier said then done, trust me! I’m living it with you. Just don’t let your brain throw a tantrum. That’s all it’s doing.It’s just reminding you that you don’t like it and it wants you to give in so it can have its way and solve a problem that doesn’t even exists. Stay strong???
- Date posted
- 6y
I'm sorry.
- Date posted
- 6y
When I'm reading books about harm ocd I feel better like ok I'm not crazy! But what is so upsetting is that this all started when I was 34. It's not something I have been living with for years. I have always had anxiety and depression but never intrusive thoughts. I use to see myself as a loving person but now I try my hardest to convince myself that I'm not a closet psychopath even though in my heart I know that I'm not. I'm so conflicted.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Hey guys. I feel like no one will even reply to my post. I feel anxious af. I could barley eat a plate of soup. I feel so drained and fatigued and feel the anxiety in my stomach. I'm just so worried I don't even have harm ocd anymore. Its just... I grew up in a household where swatting people was normalized like if you did something really naughty. I never really questioned it and I grew up thinking it was an okay thing and would sometimes swat someone when they are being naughty growing up and even recently. I would never swat someone at full force or enough to make someone cry just more like a hard tap to get their attention but it feels automatic? And even then it's really really rare for me to do, i much rather talk sternly or tell someone. When i do swat its bc like if someone scared me I guess I hit their hand and say "THAT SCARED ME" and we both start laughing or if my older niece was roughhousing with her younger sister and the younger one gets hurt and the older one laughs, I swat the older one once or twice on her arm as a discipline and say "what is wrong with you??? Why are you laughing? You are much older than her! You could've seriously hurt her." And idk how but i never thought like how wrong this is?!... and I feel like sh/t like ocd keeps saying "well you have swatting impulses when someone is misbehaving or if someone scares or hits you, meaning if you get an impulse to do something really evil instead, you wouldnt be able to control yourself huh?" And I started to get so anxious and scared. Ive NEVER acted out on the harm ocd thoughts (nor do i even want to) ive been getting daily for 4 years even when they are misbehaving. But i get so scared like WHAT IF I get an impulse to do the evil thoughts? What if I lose control?! Is this a history of violence/ low impulse?! Does this mean i would act out on my fears?! I've never wanted to do these thoughts before but i get scared like what if I do one day? This whole day ive been ruminating and asking ai for reassurance. I feel terrible. I feel like a horrible person. I started to cry. I just cant anymore. I feel this weight on my chest. I feel so evil so irredeemable. I f/cking suck. I hate myself so much right now. I feel so much guilt and shame. Why am I still here anymore? Maybe i dont even have ocd and maybe i never did. This is just breaking my heart. I want to change and unlearn this swatting behavior as well for sure. :(
- Date posted
- 24w
Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢
- Date posted
- 24w
I can be way too hard on myself and beat myself up over the smallest slip up in regards to OCD. Sometimes it can feel like I'm gaslighting myself on what was "so blatantly and obviously a moral atrocity in thought and intent", when 95% of the time I'm not even sure what my own intent with dealing with these thoughts is or why I do what I do. It makes me feel like some shameless beast for "daring to even entertain the thought of something so VILE!!!" When I just get so confused and scared on moral issues, like my mind is pulled down a rabbit hole I can't escape until the tricks are done on me and it's too late, i've accepted such ideas I hate until that hate and trying to not give in convince me "it might not be that bad". It feels like anything, even the most mundane things can trigger this. This cycle happens mainly because I feel like there's "no way to escape committing more 'attrocities' in thought or compulsion anyway"...and these cycles become the basis for more of these incidents. there a way to stop this? There have been multiple times where I called myself the R word, and even knowing it's a slur I still called myself that because "I'm nothing if not deserving of such scorn". Any attempt to stop the madness makes it worse and it's like all this I talked about is so convincing I dare not question it until after the fact. Please help.
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