- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
It sounds like the anxiety was getting the best of you. It happens all the time to us who have OCD. You thought about ending your relationship and that was it. The thought meant nothing. People think about breaking up with people all the time. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love him or want to be with him. It is natural. Have you discussed with him what OCD is like and how unwanted thoughts can become reality to you? Does he understand the need to confess and what that means?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I learned that thoughts are just thoughts and urges are urges. Nothing more. It‘s normal. I learned it during my ERP… but what makes it different this time is that I literally started this conversation and it became reality. So at the end it WAS an action. So it became reality. This changes everything. I never felt so bad in my life. I feel like a liar since Saturday. I‘m at rock bottom 24/7. But usually he understands my OCD
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I’ve done the exact same thing. I actually did try to break up with my partner. I was pushing her away because I didn’t want to br hurt. It was self destructive. I didn’t want to break up, I just didn’t want to have my heart broken so I tried to break my own heart first. Sound familiar?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
THE EXACT SAME THINH!!! it is like a defensive mechanism for me!! I fear being hurt, so I start a lot of doubts. If he does/I found something that tells me "your doubts could be true" I start this defensive mechanism, by taking distance, more rocd; less feelings and break up urges!! The belief is "he can't hurt you, if you go away before!"... But it is actually wrong; for me and for him, because he should be the one that want to break up if he doesn't love me anymore, not me! It is his choice; not mine!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I‘m so sorry that you have gone through something similar but I‘m glad that you worked this out! I can‘t let it go, that my urge became a real action when I started this conversation. You know what I mean?! It feels not OCD at all 🥺
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Oh god, this used to happen to me soo often 2 month ago! I know it is really hard, because of the anxiety, the sadness and also the guilty feelings. But DON'T confess. DO NOT! it will only make things worse: for you, because you would act a compulsion =rassicuration seeking + more doubts will follow. And for your bf, that in the worst case would be devastated and starts doubting about your relationship too, and in the best he will be only annoyed. So nothing good! :( talking from experience: don't confess, it will only lead to more fights and break up! Thoughts doesn't mean nothing. Litterally everyone in they're life at some point think about I'd he should leave or not his bf. It DOESN'T MEANS that you don't love him or something else. (For me was that I didn't always miss him when we were apart; and the wrong belief was:" you think that you would enjoy today even without him?= you don't love him enough!" WRONG. Think positive!! You are living a really good ERP EXPERIENCE!! Try to not answer your doubts (remember: more answers= more doubts, because you have to find proof that answers are true, than that your proof are true and so on!!). Allow yourself to feel anxious, without wanting to change it. Do something else! Like some hobby, or sports! It could be something simple! Like drawing, singing, watching a series, reading! Things will be better. You got this!! GO GIRL!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
thank you so much for your words! I really appreciate them 🥺 So now I feel better! But I’m still so anxious because my thoughts became actions when I started this conversation, so it feels like I really did a mistake 😪
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Jaxiju You're welcome!! One day you will learn to understand by yourself your rocd doubts, and they will not bother you anymore! Don't worry. It's okay to make mistakes sometimes! Take the advice for the next time! :)
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@eoid UHHH right! One thing that really helped me when I felt like that, was writing down doubts! Or better, writing the questions, and posticipate the answer to a decided hour! Like "now I written this question! At 10 pm I will answer it"
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I agree with this for the most part, but I found it really helpful to tell my boyfriend about my rocd and what it makes me think. It was very hard to do and it was in a moment of clarity. But I think it's a little different because I told him so he can understand me better and understand why I sometimes isolate myself, not to satisfy a "confession" type compulsion. I think talking to him and being clear about your ocd could be helpful so that he understands how it affects you and why ocd thoughts aren't a reflection of how you ACTUALLY feel. I was terrified to talk to my boyfriend about it but he was very understanding!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@dandelion2002 Can I ask you how you would phrase it or explain it to him? Because it‘s such a balancing act between explaining him how OCD works and making him doubt and making him feel insecure in our relationship
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Jaxiju Yeah, that's what really scares me too. I felt extremely guilty for having the thoughts and still do which makes it seem so impossible. Maybe talk to him about other ocd themes you've had or other people's themes, and explain how ocd can make you think something really illogical that isn't a reflection of how you ACTUALLY feel. I used pedophilia ocd as an example and explained to him how ocd can make you think the worst possible scenario is true. Being a pedophile sounds like the worst thing you could be, which is why some people fixate on it so much(I'm not a mental health specialist ofc this is just how I personally have come to understand it). With that in mind, the rocd made more sense to him. It makes you think of the most awful thing that you DON'T want to be thinking about. It made me feel really understood when my boyfriend said he researched ocd to try to understand how I feel, and we ended up scrolling through ocd memes together lol. Again, this was in a clarity moment when I wasn't actively having overwhelming thoughts so it was a lot easier then but it's something to think about! Sorry this was so long-winded btw and I'm cheering for you :)!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@dandelion2002 thank you so so much for your advice ! The thing is that he already understands my OCD thoughts and hownit works, because I explained it to him often throughout the last year.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Your standards for your own behaviour are very high! You’re a human being. And a bloody good one. Everyone has that urge in happy relationships from time to time. Often it’s just a sign that you need to talk and recalibrate. Sometimes we have to weigh up your values with one another. The truth is that you love him and you’re with him. You can talk to him about doubts, compulsions, but don’t let yourself beat yourself up or self destruct. This isn’t about him. And Ocd takes many forms. Just because it is new, doesn’t mean it’s not ocd.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I really appreciate your advice and your wise words, so first of all, thank you so so much!! It‘s absolutely not about him and I had this urge just because of my anxiety and me missing my family and familiar surrounding… but I‘m still so confused because I STARTED this conversation so it feels like I already made a decision and there is no comback, you understand?!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Does he know you have OCD? If so, does he understand how it works?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
he knows that I have OCD… but idk if I should confess to him that I wanted to break up on Saturday. I feel like I won‘t ever be able to let this go. I wanna vomit :/
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w ago
I'm really struggling atm w what I think is rocd. I know for an absolute fact that I love my boyfriend 100% with all my heart. I'm only 15 but I know that he's the person for me. We've been together for a year and a few months and I've been in love with him since I was 11. I'm almost 16. We've never had an argument, he's so incredibly supportive and he's very aware of the whole situation. I've been having horrible thoughts for about 6 months now that I'm not in love with him anymore. Obviously this upset me so so much but at the beginning I knew it wasn't real and I miss when my biggest issue was how to tell him and not upset him. Luckily I have the kindest most loving boy and he completely understood me and he is the only person who can fully comfort me. At the beginning I knew the thoughts weren't real but 6 months later and they're all i can think about I'm believing them and it's horrible. At one point about 3 months ago I came to the realisation that love is a choice, I loved being around him qnd kissing him and being his friend, and qt 15 that's basically all a relationship is. Since coming to that conclusion, and also telling myself that even if the thoughts were real and I really didn't love him anymore, then I would again because of who he is, and the sheer fact that I want to love him, the thoughts have changed into what if I dint like him and now I've convinced myself that I don't even like him and I don't want to love him again, and that's the worst part of it all because I believe it. He knows I believe them, and he's only 16 but he's handling it all so so we'll. He says that he knows that the thoughts aren't real, even if I don't know because he's got an outside perspective, but it's okay if I don't realise it because he'll wait for mw as long as I need. Some days I overthink so much I refuse to kiss him, and he's handled that so well, he'll always ask me if I want a kiss or a hug beforehand if I'm having q bad day, and he's gotten into the habit of watching Disney films with me ro help calm me. I don't understand why I don't think I want him in my life anymore. I miss feeling like i love him. I do have therapy, and she says that the thoughts aren't real qnd she knows this because of just the way I speak about him. My mum said she knows that they're not real, ans his mum says the same. For about 5 days last week the thoughts were gone. I felt like I loved my baby again. I was so so so happy because I loved him again and he was so proud of me. Then the thouhjts came back. I dint want this to be too long, im so sorry of you're still reading. Just any tips on how to love my baby again? I'll do anything except break up with him. I love being a part of his family qnd I miss how it was, but I'd much rather be so so sad ans scared all the timw with the thoughts then not have him at all. I've had very intrusive thoughts before but nowhere as bad as this. Maybe the intensity of the thoughts is mimicking the intensity of the love I have for him? I just want to love my jude again, my lovely boy :(
- Date posted
- 19w ago
Hi everyone, I’m struggling with what I believe is ROCD, but it feels so real and overwhelming that I don’t know what to trust anymore. I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences, hoping someone can relate and maybe help me feel a little less alone. Lately, I’ve been feeling completely disconnected and numb toward my boyfriend. I don’t know if I love him, and I’m constantly questioning my feelings. Sometimes when we’re together, I feel like I don’t want to talk to him, or I find him annoying, boring, or even cringe. Then, I feel immense guilt because he’s a loving and caring person who doesn’t deserve this. I have these intrusive thoughts that say: • “You don’t love him.” • “You’re just pretending.” • “You’re fed up with him.” • “You want someone else.” Sometimes, it doesn’t even come as a question like “What if?” — it comes as a statement, which makes it even scarier. And because I feel numb or indifferent when these thoughts come, it feels like they must be true. I’m also terrified that this isn’t ROCD, that maybe I’m not experiencing anxiety at all, and that these thoughts reflect how I truly feel. This fear is paralyzing and makes everything worse. I feel trapped, wondering if I’m just in denial and avoiding the truth. When I’m with him, I get caught in mental compulsions like: • Checking my feelings constantly to see if I feel love. • Comparing how I feel now to how I used to feel. • Seeking reassurance by thinking things like, “If I didn’t love him, would I feel this bad?” • Replaying memories to convince myself that I care about him. • Reading posts about ROCD to feel better, but the relief never lasts. I also feel like I’m ruining my relationship day by day. I get irritable and rude, and I know it hurts him, which makes me feel like a horrible person. I worry that I’m pushing him away and that one day he’ll give up on me, and it’ll be all my fault. Sometimes, I have moments where I feel happy to see him, and that confuses me even more. I recently saw him for a few minutes while I was out with my friends, and I felt joy seeing him. But when we’re together for longer, my mind gets flooded with doubts and fears again. I hate myself for feeling this way. I feel like I’m failing him, and failing myself. I’m scared that I’m in denial, that I don’t really love him, and that I’m forcing myself to be in this relationship. The numbness makes me feel like I don’t care, but deep down, I want to care. I want to love him, feel happy with him, and just be normal. But my thoughts keep telling me otherwise, and I feel trapped in this loop. If anyone has gone through something similar, or has any advice on how to manage these thoughts and compulsions, I’d be so grateful. I just want to know that I’m not alone, and that there’s a way through this. Thank you for reading. 💔
- Date posted
- 13w ago
My rocd is making me disconected from my boyfriend thinking he is cringe and that i dont know him or i dont like him for real, making me question the times i was happy thinking i was pretending and i was just thinking i am happy and in love but i wasnt… when i think abt my boyfriend i cant feel happiness… im scared. Yesterday we talked he said he is happy when we talked he sais how happy he is and that if i dont feel the same i should not panic (hw knows about my thoughts) i am so sad, i dont want to be like this forever, im scared
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