- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
It sounds like the anxiety was getting the best of you. It happens all the time to us who have OCD. You thought about ending your relationship and that was it. The thought meant nothing. People think about breaking up with people all the time. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love him or want to be with him. It is natural. Have you discussed with him what OCD is like and how unwanted thoughts can become reality to you? Does he understand the need to confess and what that means?
- Date posted
- 3y
I learned that thoughts are just thoughts and urges are urges. Nothing more. It‘s normal. I learned it during my ERP… but what makes it different this time is that I literally started this conversation and it became reality. So at the end it WAS an action. So it became reality. This changes everything. I never felt so bad in my life. I feel like a liar since Saturday. I‘m at rock bottom 24/7. But usually he understands my OCD
- Date posted
- 3y
I’ve done the exact same thing. I actually did try to break up with my partner. I was pushing her away because I didn’t want to br hurt. It was self destructive. I didn’t want to break up, I just didn’t want to have my heart broken so I tried to break my own heart first. Sound familiar?
- Date posted
- 3y
THE EXACT SAME THINH!!! it is like a defensive mechanism for me!! I fear being hurt, so I start a lot of doubts. If he does/I found something that tells me "your doubts could be true" I start this defensive mechanism, by taking distance, more rocd; less feelings and break up urges!! The belief is "he can't hurt you, if you go away before!"... But it is actually wrong; for me and for him, because he should be the one that want to break up if he doesn't love me anymore, not me! It is his choice; not mine!!
- Date posted
- 3y
I‘m so sorry that you have gone through something similar but I‘m glad that you worked this out! I can‘t let it go, that my urge became a real action when I started this conversation. You know what I mean?! It feels not OCD at all 🥺
- Date posted
- 3y
Oh god, this used to happen to me soo often 2 month ago! I know it is really hard, because of the anxiety, the sadness and also the guilty feelings. But DON'T confess. DO NOT! it will only make things worse: for you, because you would act a compulsion =rassicuration seeking + more doubts will follow. And for your bf, that in the worst case would be devastated and starts doubting about your relationship too, and in the best he will be only annoyed. So nothing good! :( talking from experience: don't confess, it will only lead to more fights and break up! Thoughts doesn't mean nothing. Litterally everyone in they're life at some point think about I'd he should leave or not his bf. It DOESN'T MEANS that you don't love him or something else. (For me was that I didn't always miss him when we were apart; and the wrong belief was:" you think that you would enjoy today even without him?= you don't love him enough!" WRONG. Think positive!! You are living a really good ERP EXPERIENCE!! Try to not answer your doubts (remember: more answers= more doubts, because you have to find proof that answers are true, than that your proof are true and so on!!). Allow yourself to feel anxious, without wanting to change it. Do something else! Like some hobby, or sports! It could be something simple! Like drawing, singing, watching a series, reading! Things will be better. You got this!! GO GIRL!!
- Date posted
- 3y
thank you so much for your words! I really appreciate them 🥺 So now I feel better! But I’m still so anxious because my thoughts became actions when I started this conversation, so it feels like I really did a mistake 😪
- Date posted
- 3y
@Jaxiju You're welcome!! One day you will learn to understand by yourself your rocd doubts, and they will not bother you anymore! Don't worry. It's okay to make mistakes sometimes! Take the advice for the next time! :)
- Date posted
- 3y
@eoid UHHH right! One thing that really helped me when I felt like that, was writing down doubts! Or better, writing the questions, and posticipate the answer to a decided hour! Like "now I written this question! At 10 pm I will answer it"
- Date posted
- 3y
I agree with this for the most part, but I found it really helpful to tell my boyfriend about my rocd and what it makes me think. It was very hard to do and it was in a moment of clarity. But I think it's a little different because I told him so he can understand me better and understand why I sometimes isolate myself, not to satisfy a "confession" type compulsion. I think talking to him and being clear about your ocd could be helpful so that he understands how it affects you and why ocd thoughts aren't a reflection of how you ACTUALLY feel. I was terrified to talk to my boyfriend about it but he was very understanding!
- Date posted
- 3y
@dandelion2002 Can I ask you how you would phrase it or explain it to him? Because it‘s such a balancing act between explaining him how OCD works and making him doubt and making him feel insecure in our relationship
- Date posted
- 3y
@Jaxiju Yeah, that's what really scares me too. I felt extremely guilty for having the thoughts and still do which makes it seem so impossible. Maybe talk to him about other ocd themes you've had or other people's themes, and explain how ocd can make you think something really illogical that isn't a reflection of how you ACTUALLY feel. I used pedophilia ocd as an example and explained to him how ocd can make you think the worst possible scenario is true. Being a pedophile sounds like the worst thing you could be, which is why some people fixate on it so much(I'm not a mental health specialist ofc this is just how I personally have come to understand it). With that in mind, the rocd made more sense to him. It makes you think of the most awful thing that you DON'T want to be thinking about. It made me feel really understood when my boyfriend said he researched ocd to try to understand how I feel, and we ended up scrolling through ocd memes together lol. Again, this was in a clarity moment when I wasn't actively having overwhelming thoughts so it was a lot easier then but it's something to think about! Sorry this was so long-winded btw and I'm cheering for you :)!!
- Date posted
- 3y
@dandelion2002 thank you so so much for your advice ! The thing is that he already understands my OCD thoughts and hownit works, because I explained it to him often throughout the last year.
- Date posted
- 3y
Your standards for your own behaviour are very high! You’re a human being. And a bloody good one. Everyone has that urge in happy relationships from time to time. Often it’s just a sign that you need to talk and recalibrate. Sometimes we have to weigh up your values with one another. The truth is that you love him and you’re with him. You can talk to him about doubts, compulsions, but don’t let yourself beat yourself up or self destruct. This isn’t about him. And Ocd takes many forms. Just because it is new, doesn’t mean it’s not ocd.
- Date posted
- 3y
I really appreciate your advice and your wise words, so first of all, thank you so so much!! It‘s absolutely not about him and I had this urge just because of my anxiety and me missing my family and familiar surrounding… but I‘m still so confused because I STARTED this conversation so it feels like I already made a decision and there is no comback, you understand?!
- Date posted
- 3y
Does he know you have OCD? If so, does he understand how it works?
- Date posted
- 3y
he knows that I have OCD… but idk if I should confess to him that I wanted to break up on Saturday. I feel like I won‘t ever be able to let this go. I wanna vomit :/
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I’m having what I think is my first ROCD full episode. I’ve had doubting thoughts the entirety of my relationship. But in the last couple of days have been overwhelmed with and debilitated by anxiety and the feeling that I need to break up with my boyfriend. I don’t know if I have OCD officially but talking to therapists it seems that it is likely and I’m going to an OCD specialist next week to talk through my feelings but I feel completely helpless and hopeless at the moment and riddled with anxiety. I’m in a long distance relationship. I seem to have a waves throughout the day when I want to communicate with my boyfriend and tell him I love him etc. but the other 80% of my day is filled with anxiety and dread that I’m going to have to break up with him. I just want the anxiety to go away and to know if my thoughts are real thoughts or OCD thoughts. My biggest fear is that this isn’t an OCD episode and I do need to break up with him. I’m seeing him this weekend and I’m filled with dread about feeling disconnected and anxious and not in love.
- Date posted
- 18w
I told my boyfriend last night about all the times that I thought I “cheated” (I have ROCD) on him and he said that I didn’t but he still feels uncomfortable about it and I can tell he’s not answering me and he’s being really dry and his responses. He said it was fine but now I don’t know what to do because I know it’s not fine. I didn’t cheat on him, but I felt like I did and I told him that and I think it made him really uneasy. I just don’t wanna lose him and I’m scared because I had a dream about it and he got really mad and broke up with me. I didn’t want to tell him what I was going through in the first place, but it was eating at me so badly with the guilt I had to confess. I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I cannot lose him.
- Date posted
- 14w
hi! I broke a short period of doing well without compulsions because I got triggered again. Before this, I had about two calmer days where I didn’t spiral so much, but now everything feels worse. I’m scared that I don’t love my boyfriend as much as I used to, or that this relationship is making me feel stuck or sad. He’s a wonderful person, and I hate thinking this way. I smelled a perfume that used to make me feel calm and in love, and now it just makes me question everything. I spent hours last night searching Reddit, especially on r/ROCD, trying to see if someone is like me or if anyone has answers. I keep rereading posts, hoping I’ll feel certain about what I should do. But I just feel more confused. I keep thinking, “What if I heal and then realize I don’t love him?” or “What if I’m only staying because I feel safe with him or I’m used to him?” I feel numb sometimes, or like I’m pretending, and I hate it. I want to feel love and clarity again. I don’t know what’s real or what’s ROCD anymore. I just feel lost and afraid. I talk to hi. now and i feel so strange like i dont want to force myself i want to like him i dont understand what i feel i feel so weird in my chest
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