- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
It sounds like the anxiety was getting the best of you. It happens all the time to us who have OCD. You thought about ending your relationship and that was it. The thought meant nothing. People think about breaking up with people all the time. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love him or want to be with him. It is natural. Have you discussed with him what OCD is like and how unwanted thoughts can become reality to you? Does he understand the need to confess and what that means?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I learned that thoughts are just thoughts and urges are urges. Nothing more. It‘s normal. I learned it during my ERP… but what makes it different this time is that I literally started this conversation and it became reality. So at the end it WAS an action. So it became reality. This changes everything. I never felt so bad in my life. I feel like a liar since Saturday. I‘m at rock bottom 24/7. But usually he understands my OCD
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I’ve done the exact same thing. I actually did try to break up with my partner. I was pushing her away because I didn’t want to br hurt. It was self destructive. I didn’t want to break up, I just didn’t want to have my heart broken so I tried to break my own heart first. Sound familiar?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
THE EXACT SAME THINH!!! it is like a defensive mechanism for me!! I fear being hurt, so I start a lot of doubts. If he does/I found something that tells me "your doubts could be true" I start this defensive mechanism, by taking distance, more rocd; less feelings and break up urges!! The belief is "he can't hurt you, if you go away before!"... But it is actually wrong; for me and for him, because he should be the one that want to break up if he doesn't love me anymore, not me! It is his choice; not mine!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I‘m so sorry that you have gone through something similar but I‘m glad that you worked this out! I can‘t let it go, that my urge became a real action when I started this conversation. You know what I mean?! It feels not OCD at all 🥺
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Oh god, this used to happen to me soo often 2 month ago! I know it is really hard, because of the anxiety, the sadness and also the guilty feelings. But DON'T confess. DO NOT! it will only make things worse: for you, because you would act a compulsion =rassicuration seeking + more doubts will follow. And for your bf, that in the worst case would be devastated and starts doubting about your relationship too, and in the best he will be only annoyed. So nothing good! :( talking from experience: don't confess, it will only lead to more fights and break up! Thoughts doesn't mean nothing. Litterally everyone in they're life at some point think about I'd he should leave or not his bf. It DOESN'T MEANS that you don't love him or something else. (For me was that I didn't always miss him when we were apart; and the wrong belief was:" you think that you would enjoy today even without him?= you don't love him enough!" WRONG. Think positive!! You are living a really good ERP EXPERIENCE!! Try to not answer your doubts (remember: more answers= more doubts, because you have to find proof that answers are true, than that your proof are true and so on!!). Allow yourself to feel anxious, without wanting to change it. Do something else! Like some hobby, or sports! It could be something simple! Like drawing, singing, watching a series, reading! Things will be better. You got this!! GO GIRL!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
thank you so much for your words! I really appreciate them 🥺 So now I feel better! But I’m still so anxious because my thoughts became actions when I started this conversation, so it feels like I really did a mistake 😪
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Jaxiju You're welcome!! One day you will learn to understand by yourself your rocd doubts, and they will not bother you anymore! Don't worry. It's okay to make mistakes sometimes! Take the advice for the next time! :)
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@eoid UHHH right! One thing that really helped me when I felt like that, was writing down doubts! Or better, writing the questions, and posticipate the answer to a decided hour! Like "now I written this question! At 10 pm I will answer it"
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I agree with this for the most part, but I found it really helpful to tell my boyfriend about my rocd and what it makes me think. It was very hard to do and it was in a moment of clarity. But I think it's a little different because I told him so he can understand me better and understand why I sometimes isolate myself, not to satisfy a "confession" type compulsion. I think talking to him and being clear about your ocd could be helpful so that he understands how it affects you and why ocd thoughts aren't a reflection of how you ACTUALLY feel. I was terrified to talk to my boyfriend about it but he was very understanding!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@dandelion2002 Can I ask you how you would phrase it or explain it to him? Because it‘s such a balancing act between explaining him how OCD works and making him doubt and making him feel insecure in our relationship
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Jaxiju Yeah, that's what really scares me too. I felt extremely guilty for having the thoughts and still do which makes it seem so impossible. Maybe talk to him about other ocd themes you've had or other people's themes, and explain how ocd can make you think something really illogical that isn't a reflection of how you ACTUALLY feel. I used pedophilia ocd as an example and explained to him how ocd can make you think the worst possible scenario is true. Being a pedophile sounds like the worst thing you could be, which is why some people fixate on it so much(I'm not a mental health specialist ofc this is just how I personally have come to understand it). With that in mind, the rocd made more sense to him. It makes you think of the most awful thing that you DON'T want to be thinking about. It made me feel really understood when my boyfriend said he researched ocd to try to understand how I feel, and we ended up scrolling through ocd memes together lol. Again, this was in a clarity moment when I wasn't actively having overwhelming thoughts so it was a lot easier then but it's something to think about! Sorry this was so long-winded btw and I'm cheering for you :)!!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@dandelion2002 thank you so so much for your advice ! The thing is that he already understands my OCD thoughts and hownit works, because I explained it to him often throughout the last year.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Your standards for your own behaviour are very high! You’re a human being. And a bloody good one. Everyone has that urge in happy relationships from time to time. Often it’s just a sign that you need to talk and recalibrate. Sometimes we have to weigh up your values with one another. The truth is that you love him and you’re with him. You can talk to him about doubts, compulsions, but don’t let yourself beat yourself up or self destruct. This isn’t about him. And Ocd takes many forms. Just because it is new, doesn’t mean it’s not ocd.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I really appreciate your advice and your wise words, so first of all, thank you so so much!! It‘s absolutely not about him and I had this urge just because of my anxiety and me missing my family and familiar surrounding… but I‘m still so confused because I STARTED this conversation so it feels like I already made a decision and there is no comback, you understand?!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Does he know you have OCD? If so, does he understand how it works?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
he knows that I have OCD… but idk if I should confess to him that I wanted to break up on Saturday. I feel like I won‘t ever be able to let this go. I wanna vomit :/
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w ago
i couldn't take this anymore. maybe i'll just let ocd win this time. it's too hard to not have a clear conscience everytime i'm with my bf cuz my mind is telling me i'm unfaithful and don't deserve to be happy. i feel like i'll never get better anymore. i already told myself many times to stop attracting attention from other people especially to people i'm having false attraction to. but i did it again yesterday, right after i smiled a little extra in front of that girl i might be attracted to i could feel the massive anxiety in my chest. already decided last week that i might be actually attracted to her so it's best to fully avoid her. i avoided her with the best i could, but we're in the same classroom and i saw her in my peripheral vision looking at us (my bf and i) whispered to myself not to make any mistake i'll regret, but then i felt like i lose control and laugh a little extra. i searched micro cheating and it says there "trying to impress someone you're attracted to" and now i want to break up with my bf. the guilt is too strong. i couldn't sleep at night.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 16w ago
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 12w ago
I'm 18, and been in a relationship with my man for nearly 2 years. I started living with him around 2 months ago, and all I do is think about if he's cheating. We were long distance for a year and a half of our relationship, maybe seeing eachother once every month or two. I decided to move in with him, and ever since all I can think about is if he's cheating or watching porn. When he's in another room I think he's doing something wrong, I have to check on him every ten minutes to ease my anxiety. I didn't have this problem before moving in. Granted he has talked to some girls on his phone, even having his ex on his phone (didn't do anything bad) and he is porn addicted though he is getting better for me. It's gotten so bad I want to leave him. A couple days ago I broke up with him and it absolutely broke my heart, I couldn't bare it so I gave him a month to show me he can do better, and for me to work on myself. If I'm still unhappy with us I'm going to leave. I love this boy more than anything. I'm scared to be without him, this is my first real relationship. At this point I refuse to even sleep until he is sleeping. I don't want to start over, I don't want to leave him, but I really can't take this pain it's causing me. It's all I think about. I've convinced myself so many times that he's cheating, but I know he wouldn't. I question whether it's anxiety or intuition. Maybe I just know deep down he really is cheating and I just don't want to believe it. I don't know. I don't think he would do that, but at the same time he's really into women. I hate that he looks at other girls in a sexual way, it bothers me so much, and we talk about it often, but with it being an addiction it's difficult. He has gotten a lot better since we have talked about it. He understands I have an issue and is usually happy to talk about it over and over and promise me over and over that he's not cheating. He allows me to have his phone whenever I want and everything, I have no reason to think he's cheating, but I can't get over it. It's not fair to him either. How do I deal with this? How do I stop hurting so much?
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