- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey! Yeah, this is something that I've been through too. I don't want to give too much reassurance, except to say: this is a very common experience in ROCD, and it makes perfect sense. Ending our relationships would, our mind believes, settle the uncertainty and relieve the fear. That does not mean we actively want to end the relationship for any reason other than out of a compulsive desire to bring an end to the fear and suffering. When these thoughts come, try to answer them with "Maybe, maybe not." and carry on as usual. It will be difficult at first, but as your mind habituates to the fears, it will become easier.
- Date posted
- 3y
I like to remind myself that love is a choice and not a feeling. Love is making the choice to stay with someone, for that person. We rocd people are fighting internal battles for our partners, and that's also a form of love. But love is never a feeling.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for your insight as well! I tried reminding myself that or at least the part of my brain that is so exhausted and ready to toss in the towel, but that part wasn’t wanting to listen. How do you handle the parts of you that are tired of listening and being told logic?
- Date posted
- 3y
@crc_1394 It's hard to say, some days I just cry for hours, some days I'm able to toss it away. I've been doing ERP a lot these days so it does help. I just know whenever I'm thinking about leaving my boyfriend I get a "throwing up" sensation that comes with it. So I have a clear signal and usually retrieve to my room and let the thoughts come in until they leave. I'm letting myself feel everything. I'm allowing myself a lot of breaks because it's too much too handle tho. So it's also ok to take time to do nothing and just lay down and avoid thoughts sometimes. It's just really hard in the beginning, because it feels like never ending pain and it makes you want to give up so badly. I also have a anxious-avoidant attachment, so I get it. But running away won't help with guilt and pain, so might as well get used to the thoughts to the point where they mean nothing. Also, I got into mindfulness lately and it's really soothing. Maybe look into podcast or books for mindfulness. Good luck ⭐️
- Date posted
- 3y
@raziarago Hey since you’re anxious avoidant, is there any private way we can talk? I’d like to pick your brain about your healing process :)
- Date posted
- 3y
@crc_1394 Sure! I've deleted all social media but I still have discord if that's something you use? Not sure I want to share my email or # here lol
- Date posted
- 3y
@raziarago Awesome! I could get discord :)
- Date posted
- 3y
@crc_1394 Here's my user number #9666 and my name on it is thiamin
- Date posted
- 3y
@raziarago so search for thiamin#9666
- Date posted
- 3y
@raziarago Awesome thank you!
- Date posted
- 3y
@crc_1394 https://discord.gg/tTKYm59r here's a link for a chat if it's easier
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you so much @Jay1421. I really appreciate the insight. I have been feeling more inclined to just leave than ever because I’m so exhausted. It all just feels right to leave. But I know it’s out of fear and exhaustion and like you said, to end the suffering. Not to mention my attachment style is anxious-avoidant so that naturally adds to the drama. But I’m trying to stay strong and stay. I know I wouldn’t be a failure or bad if I left but I really don’t want to do that at all. That isn’t what I’ve been working hard for, for so damn long. Thanks again :)
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w
I’m in such a dark place right now. No matter what I do with my boyfriend — kissing, hugging, cuddling, talking — I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. And every time, my brain says: “That’s it. It’s the truth. You don’t love him anymore.” I keep thinking I’m forcing myself to act like I still like him just because I can’t accept the truth — that maybe I fell out of love and don’t want to admit it. When he calls me beautiful, when he’s kind to me, when he holds me… I feel numb. And that numbness makes me feel like a stranger in my own life. Like I’m faking everything. Like I’m lying to him and to myself. It feels too real. I used to have moments — even during intrusive thoughts — where I would relax in his arms and feel safe and reminded that this is ROCD. But now… even those moments feel gone. Like the thoughts aren’t lies anymore — they feel like the truth. And I don’t know what to do with that. My therapist made things worse. She told me things that made me believe I’ve mentally “decided” I have to be with him, and that I’m wrong for thinking it’s bad to walk away. Now I feel like I’ve built my entire relationship on an idea that I should stay, not that I want to. I feel like I’ve changed. I remember moments of deep love, warmth, and closeness… but now I can’t feel them anymore. And all I hear in my head is “you’re different now. It’s over.” I’m exhausted. I feel like I’ve hit a wall. I’m not even crying anymore — I’m just… empty. What if this is the truth I’ve been avoiding all along? What if I just can’t accept that I stopped loving him? What if this relationship is no longer right, and I’m just pretending? This is the worst it’s ever been. I’ve never felt this far gone before.
- Date posted
- 16w
my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd
- Date posted
- 14w
I know it’s long but plz read :( have been having really bad ocd about my relationship and my partner and it has gotten worse and worse over the span of like about nine months I’d say. I do acknowledge there are flaws and legit issues about him and the relationship like there are with anyone but I also know ocd has clouded my judgement and perception by analyzing everything and compulsions. For a while I kept feeling this need to get out which I know was ocd. I was really scared to spend the weekend with him because I thought I would just be annoyed and irritated cause it’s been that way for a while but he also was going through a period of high stress so maybe I was resenting him for that and I also wasn’t communicating how I should have been when I was upset because I’ve done that too much in the past. This weekend I was told in therapy to just be in the moment and not have to worry about trying to answer the question of do I love him or should I break up. It did help but It’s weird cause this weekend ended up better but I also was kind of numb? Like I was enjoying myself but didn’t feel what I always have felt in the past? Anyway, I am really anxious because i feel like if I loved him I would be supportive of when his parents compliment him or when he does well at something when instead all I think of are that I’m not happy or annoyed because of things he does that upset me or make me mad and it’s like that’s the only way my brain wants to see him as a person. Or when he is upset it feels like I don’t care like I used to because I think of how he doesn’t deserve this when he does this or he shouldn’t have this when he is like this etc. Why does my brain automatically go there? That’s horrible! I feel like I should be excited for him, rooting for him. But it also feels like I do care for him? But my thoughts keep changing. I am afraid I only am with him because I love that he loves me and how he treats me. This makes me feel selfish cause I can’t do that. I notice I still like when he cuddles me and is sweet to me and does fun things watching movies etc. And that’s not how it used to feeel which scares me because I don’t want to be without him. I also love his parents am I only with him cause of how his parents treat me? I feel so selfish and like I have to tell him and break up with him cause it’s the right thing to do. I never used to feel like this. I’m scared. Is it possible I’m just I’ve been mad and resenting how it’s been cause he’s been stressed mix with my ocd? My therapist said relationships can go through phases. Can I fall back in love with him again? I feel like I have to try to start with someone else like this is too far gone. I don’t want to stay in something where I don’t feel toward him the way I want to but I really don’t want to leave him. I feel like such an awful person cause he doesn’t deserve this and is so caring and loving despite everything the major thing that bugs me is how he gets irritable a lot which is an imperfection that makes me get anxious and question him😭 trying not to read into this and just follow what the therapist said but this is scaring me because I feel like if I loved him I wouldn’t think like this or feel like this.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond