Why does it keep feeling better/right for me to leave my wonderful relationship? It feels more wrong and it hurts more at the thought of staying. I keep hearing in my brain I’m just with him bc I don’t want to be alone, but these thoughts and feelings are driving me crazy. I want to cocoon and be alone but of course I want to stay in this relationship. It’s like my brain doesn’t want to be convinced that I love him or want to stay with him. It’s like it only wants us to be alone so we’re no longer stressed about this stuff. I hate that’s how exhausted I am with all this shit😞any tips/help?

I’ve been ruminating non-stop over the last several months about whether I’m in the right relationship, so much so that I find myself evaluating every moment that I spend with my partner and how it “could” have been better. It’s challenging because the relationship does have a bunch of issues that need to be worked through, and my partner tends to be avoidant person (probably because she grew up in an overprotective environment combined with no previous experience with relationships). Having to coach her every step of the way feels overwhelming when I myself am struggling to bear the weight of my anxious/depressive thoughts. Our relationship started right about when COVID was picking up, which makes me wonder whether the relationship is the root cause of my anxiety, or if my anxiety is making me view my otherwise okay relationship negatively. Some days I feel like breaking up would make me feel much better, other days I feel like this may be as good as it gets. Doesn’t every relationship comes with its issues? What if I’m not going to be any happier off seeing someone else either? I also have a deep-rooted fear that if I give up on this relationship I will be left alone, unlovable, and miserable for the rest of my life. I tend to be super critical of myself for most things (and that has served me well on the career front) but I can’t help but wonder if I’m inadvertently being picky about my partner’s qualities. At this point, the conflict in my head is raging so hard that I don’t care about the outcome of my relationship – I just want to feel at peace with myself and secure in the decision I arrive at.

I feel horrible. I feel like I treat my boyfriend as if I don't care for him or our relationship, like its something new and foreign as if we haven't been together for 3+ years. I walk past a guy and pick up on his looks then feel like a cheater. And when I consider my own boyfriend, I try to rationalize my thoughts, reassure myself of my feelings for my boyfriend, all the while feeling completely and utterly disconnected not only from him and our relationship but from myself. I feel like the voice and thoughts and feelings I have a lot of times aren't me. I feel like I'm trying to fit in wherever I go. I feel stuck, tired, and drained. I'm depressed and then I'm anxious, always low with a few highs and not the good kind. My head hurts, my body hurts, everything hurts, but especially the guilty I carry for feeling like I'm wasting my own time and life and my partners time. I feel like I'm convincing myself that I like him, that I care for him, but somehow my mind always tells me he's my forever and I want him to be but it doesn't FEEL like that inside me and it's so hard dealing with 2 opposing thoughts of that level. I am so lost. I don't know what to do. Every day, I feel the much more like I'm out of touch from our relationship. It's been years and I'm still like this, and it makes me wonder whether this ocd shit is all in my head and really I'm just running from something I don't want to accept. But I don't want it to be like that, but it just doesn't make any sense. Even saying that the ocd is making me second guess myself feels like a lie. I am so fucking lost.

I just have this overwhelming feeling at the moment that ‘this isn’t right’ and ‘you don’t really love him’ etc. It’s not even a million intrusive thoughts, just a feeling. I have broken up with majority of my ex’s in the past, so I fear that this feeling is the same one I have had before ending things with someone. I stupidly went back over messages to a friend when I knew I was going to end a previous relationship and in those messages I was saying ‘it just doesn’t feel right I need to end it’. And I did and I felt relieved after. But I don’t want to end it, I love my partner deeply. He is my best friend and we have a great relationship. Any help out there would be great right now if anyone can relate.