- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey! Yeah, this is something that I've been through too. I don't want to give too much reassurance, except to say: this is a very common experience in ROCD, and it makes perfect sense. Ending our relationships would, our mind believes, settle the uncertainty and relieve the fear. That does not mean we actively want to end the relationship for any reason other than out of a compulsive desire to bring an end to the fear and suffering. When these thoughts come, try to answer them with "Maybe, maybe not." and carry on as usual. It will be difficult at first, but as your mind habituates to the fears, it will become easier.
- Date posted
- 3y
I like to remind myself that love is a choice and not a feeling. Love is making the choice to stay with someone, for that person. We rocd people are fighting internal battles for our partners, and that's also a form of love. But love is never a feeling.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for your insight as well! I tried reminding myself that or at least the part of my brain that is so exhausted and ready to toss in the towel, but that part wasn’t wanting to listen. How do you handle the parts of you that are tired of listening and being told logic?
- Date posted
- 3y
@crc_1394 It's hard to say, some days I just cry for hours, some days I'm able to toss it away. I've been doing ERP a lot these days so it does help. I just know whenever I'm thinking about leaving my boyfriend I get a "throwing up" sensation that comes with it. So I have a clear signal and usually retrieve to my room and let the thoughts come in until they leave. I'm letting myself feel everything. I'm allowing myself a lot of breaks because it's too much too handle tho. So it's also ok to take time to do nothing and just lay down and avoid thoughts sometimes. It's just really hard in the beginning, because it feels like never ending pain and it makes you want to give up so badly. I also have a anxious-avoidant attachment, so I get it. But running away won't help with guilt and pain, so might as well get used to the thoughts to the point where they mean nothing. Also, I got into mindfulness lately and it's really soothing. Maybe look into podcast or books for mindfulness. Good luck ⭐️
- Date posted
- 3y
@raziarago Hey since you’re anxious avoidant, is there any private way we can talk? I’d like to pick your brain about your healing process :)
- Date posted
- 3y
@crc_1394 Sure! I've deleted all social media but I still have discord if that's something you use? Not sure I want to share my email or # here lol
- Date posted
- 3y
@raziarago Awesome! I could get discord :)
- Date posted
- 3y
@crc_1394 Here's my user number #9666 and my name on it is thiamin
- Date posted
- 3y
@raziarago so search for thiamin#9666
- Date posted
- 3y
@raziarago Awesome thank you!
- Date posted
- 3y
@crc_1394 https://discord.gg/tTKYm59r here's a link for a chat if it's easier
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you so much @Jay1421. I really appreciate the insight. I have been feeling more inclined to just leave than ever because I’m so exhausted. It all just feels right to leave. But I know it’s out of fear and exhaustion and like you said, to end the suffering. Not to mention my attachment style is anxious-avoidant so that naturally adds to the drama. But I’m trying to stay strong and stay. I know I wouldn’t be a failure or bad if I left but I really don’t want to do that at all. That isn’t what I’ve been working hard for, for so damn long. Thanks again :)
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
How do you guys get past the anxiety? I feel like my thoughts are the only thing that control my mind. So often I feel like I should just leave my partner even tho I love them so much because I just feel like these thoughts are too much. I over analyze everything. I feel so stuck and defeated. I just want to be normal. I feel so toxic for the thoughts that I have
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 13w
for me it’s getting to the point where i don’t feel in love with my boyfriend anymore. i’m trying to keep myself from compulsing since my compulsions are all mental. it’s like the thoughts consume my mind every second of every day and i can’t catch a break. it’s like i want to be with him so bad but my brain won’t allow me. any advice?
- Date posted
- 13w
I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?
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