- Username
- cf05
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Thank you for your words of encouragement. I keep trying to remind myself that if I was really gay, the thoughts of being gay would not feel intrusive or cause anxiety. The idea that I could be gay makes me sick to my stomach because I never want to live my life that way, so I think that that in itself is a way of my OCD attacking something that I value, which is the future life I hope to have with a husband and kids. I think if I was actually gay, these thoughts would feel right.
Precisely ocd attacks our identities that’s why we feel so scared and alarmed. It takes what we value the most and turns it against us. just know you are ok and you will be. I hope that helps
This exact thing happened to me after finding out my little brother was gay. For whatever reason the fear and the intrusive thoughts happened you have to understand that all this is , is anxiety your brain right now is in fight or flight. You are reacting to the thing you are scared of. Once your anxiety subsides it will disappear I know that it is terrifying trust me I know first hand. But it will go away . In high times of stress and anxiety I bet you get intrusive thoughts that you can’t kick away. I say this because I have been dealing with intrusive thoughts since that incident and even though I healed from it years ago and unfortunately dealing with it now . I know that it will pass. These thoughts aren’t reality and they never will be. I want you to think about your first sexual memory or first encounter with some one I’m 100 percent sure it was with the opposite sex no matter what your brain try’s to tell you. That is your answer.
you give good advice. May I ask you if something is OCD? Because I haven’t had a sexual experience with a guy yet and it scares me that I made a face as I don’t but I would love to be with a guy one day
@Bookworm91 Are you a female or male? Age?
@Anonymous I’m scared of what you’re going to say now. Female and 30
@Bookworm91 I am not a therapist or psychologist but you are on this app for a reason if you were perfectly ok with what was happening to you, you wouldn’t seek help you know their is something wrong internally with whatever is going on in your head.if you wish to have a family and be married to a male one day then you have your answer stop letting your brain take over you are not your thoughts. Body And mind are two different things. I know it’s scary because you fear that they will become reality but they won’t. I have thought about every terrible thing possibly not of it came true. I still struggle with thoughts even today but I know I’ve been stressed recently and it will pass.
@Anonymous I’ll try to remember that. Probably bookmark this post as well as a reminder. I just don’t like the faces I make like if you saw my fish expressions you’d think I don’t wanna actually really like men so it’s like why am I making those expressions? But like I said I’ll try to remember what you said I hate the face as I keep fucking making I’m so sorry I just keep pulling faces over guys like I don’t like oh married I make a face like it is but it’s not ugly I would love to marry a guy one day. And I can’t stop thinking about and I’m scared I just condition myself to ‘ cause I’ve been obsessed about it even though it’s not pleasant I don’t want women’s anaanamy or structure I don’t like the way they stick out I want guys to come back so to speak in my head I want them. Sorry I didn’t mean to dump that on you.
I promise you it will go away the best thing you are doing is attempting to get help. I remember when it was happening to me I sought help and little by little I got myself back and they went away I even laughed at them . You will be able to be free of this.
You’re awesome
@Bookworm91 You wanna know how ridiculous this thing is? After my hocd left i was able to go to the pride parade with my brother and had zero issues no triggers no intrusive thoughts. That’s how I know this thing is bullshit it’s your brain scaring you and nothing else.
I’m really scared now because I was just terrified of what people think and I’m scared it’s not but then I acted like literally I just now said with my heart craves my heart does not want to be anything other than OCD and that freaks me up because my I’m scared why would my heart act like that I don’t want it to be anything else I want man I want all this to be OCD and why would I mention my heart when my heart‘s not into this shit. My hearts not into women it’s not gay it’s not into this shit so why would I say oh it does I’m scared I don’t crave a different answer I hope it’s all OCD I’m not gay I’m so freaking sorry. I hate being so needy and bugging people
You aren’t gay remember you aren’t your thoughts.. treat it like this “ as your self if you think of turning into a bear “ you can’t it’s just a thought. Let it pass
I’m sorry you’re going through that. I understand what you’re talking about and it sucks
It all started two months ago when I was making scenarios in my head to fall asleep.. i was imagining myself kissing a man and then it turned into a woman. The moment that happened, I opened my eyes and panicked.. it was complete panic, i started sweating, crying and I couldn’t function anymore. I started asking myself “am i gay”, “i have to come out to my boyfriend”, “i have to come out to everyone”, it was all within the span of 10 minutes… soooo overwhelming!! My mind acted as if I was gay, I lost my sense of identity, I couldn’t even trust myself anymore even when I reassured myself. It was such an awful cycle, to look at any person, a man to make sure i was straight, and a woman to make sure I wasn’t gay… i feel ashamed saying this. If i looked at a woman a certain way, like oh she’s pretty, my mind would say yes u see ur gay. After two months, I imagine any interest with a female stranger as a confirmation of being gay, I’m so nervous all the time, i start sweating and checking for groinal responses (the worst is when the response happens).. i cant afford a session with a therapist now, and i keep saying that i dont have OCD, im in denial, and that one day ill be gay. Can someone offer some insight on wether this sounds like OCD?
I have been heterosexual all my life and been exclusively attracted to women in all aspects. Although, admittedly that I find all people aesthetically attractive (regardless of gender), it was in my nature to complement them and admire them for who they are. I’m currently in a committed relationship with my girlfriend and have been happy up until the end of 2023. It wasn’t until the start of January where the normal things that I did made me question about my sexuality. I kept obsessing over it and overthinking about it up until the point that I kept asking for reassurance from my family and partner as well as none-stop researching about it. It has been taking up my time in school and I’m losing my sleep. My mind was telling me that I was bisexual or gay, but deep down it felt wrong like it wasn’t me. I was having thoughts and fantasies that would wake me up and feel repulsed. I am slowly staring to get numb and be emotionless. I also have been very anxious and have started to get attractions and arousals that I didn’t like. I’m also starting to lose attraction to my partner and there have been instances where the thoughts were so close to convincing me. I just want to be happy with my girlfriend and I don’t want to lose our relationship as well as our future. I don’t also want to lose my self. I have been getting false attractions, groinal responses, thoughts and images that are bothersome and makes me feel repulsed. It gets worse whenever I analyze my past. I don’t know what to do and I just want to cry.
My intrusive thoughts with my SO OCD have been flaring up horribly for the past couple weeks, I think due to stress. Today has been especially bad. I’ve been experiencing false attractions with every woman I’ve been seeing today and it’s making me feel so gross that I feel anxious and sick to my stomach and that I’m going to cry. I cannot shake all the feelings in the body that make it FEEL like I’m « attracted » to them even though I know deep down it’s all fake!! I don’t know if I’m dealing with it right. I’m trying my best to just ignore the thought but the minute it stops, my ocd convinces me that I am in denial because I was able to stop and then I can’t stop thinking about that this confirms im in denial and I freak out and the process starts all over again. I don’t know if I should respond to the thought or ignore it or if what I’m doing is denial or really SO OCD. I have been ruminating on it so much the past couple weeks and it’s starting to take a turn to where I don’t remember anything except my intrusive thoughts and feelings and I am having a hard time getting things done at work and showing up to things and being fully present. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong and I just want it to stop. If i was bi or gay or whatever, that’s fine!! I don’t care. But the thought of being with a woman when the fake attraction I feels makes me want to vomit makes me feel dread at the idea of dating a woman. Im currently dating a wonderful man who is a great fit for me and makes me incredibly happy. It feels like if im in denial and my intrusive thoughts are right, i will have to break up with him and that thought alone destroys me. I could go on about how I have only liked, loved and been attracted to men my entire life and have never wanted to be with a woman in any other way besides a friend but I feel like that will just make my anxiety worse. I have been dealing with SO OCD on and off since puberty but it got incredibly more severe the past couple years. Does anyone have any constructive advice about how to deal with the rumination? Should I ignore it? Should I sit with it and accept the fact that it might be true? Anything would help thank you!!
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