cf05

Date posted: 3y ago

Has anyone else with SOOCD found themselves mentally reviewing literally every interaction they’ve ever had with the sex that their OCD is telling them they are attracted to rather than the want they want and know themselves to be attracted to?? I am a straight female and ever since my OCD flared up about two months ago I have spent every minute of every day ruminating over past experiences and my mind has convinced me that I was attracted to virtually every female figure in my life, even though I have never actually acted on any of these presumptions. Likewise, my brain is pushing away all of the actual memories I have of being in love with past boyfriends and having crushes on guys. Now, when I see a girl anywhere I freak out and automatically assume I’m attracted to them, even though the thought of being gay makes me sick to my stomach and is never something that I want to act on. And also, when I see any guy that I find attractive, I will acknowledge that I find them attractive but it’s like my mind is telling me I’m faking it because I must actually like women. These thoughts are so incredibly painful because I feel like my attraction to men is fading away even though I only ever want to be with men in the future. I feel like I’m numb to everything and it’s making the anxiety soso much worse. Anyone who can relate or provide any advice would be greatly appreciated.

cf05

Date posted: 3y ago

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I keep trying to remind myself that if I was really gay, the thoughts of being gay would not feel intrusive or cause anxiety. The idea that I could be gay makes me sick to my stomach because I never want to live my life that way, so I think that that in itself is a way of my OCD attacking something that I value, which is the future life I hope to have with a husband and kids. I think if I was actually gay, these thoughts would feel right.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

Precisely ocd attacks our identities that’s why we feel so scared and alarmed. It takes what we value the most and turns it against us. just know you are ok and you will be. I hope that helps

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

This exact thing happened to me after finding out my little brother was gay. For whatever reason the fear and the intrusive thoughts happened you have to understand that all this is , is anxiety your brain right now is in fight or flight. You are reacting to the thing you are scared of. Once your anxiety subsides it will disappear I know that it is terrifying trust me I know first hand. But it will go away . In high times of stress and anxiety I bet you get intrusive thoughts that you can’t kick away. I say this because I have been dealing with intrusive thoughts since that incident and even though I healed from it years ago and unfortunately dealing with it now . I know that it will pass. These thoughts aren’t reality and they never will be. I want you to think about your first sexual memory or first encounter with some one I’m 100 percent sure it was with the opposite sex no matter what your brain try’s to tell you. That is your answer.

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y ago

you give good advice. May I ask you if something is OCD? Because I haven’t had a sexual experience with a guy yet and it scares me that I made a face as I don’t but I would love to be with a guy one day

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

@Bookworm91 Are you a female or male? Age?

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y ago

@Anonymous I’m scared of what you’re going to say now. Female and 30

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

@Bookworm91 I am not a therapist or psychologist but you are on this app for a reason if you were perfectly ok with what was happening to you, you wouldn’t seek help you know their is something wrong internally with whatever is going on in your head.if you wish to have a family and be married to a male one day then you have your answer stop letting your brain take over you are not your thoughts. Body And mind are two different things. I know it’s scary because you fear that they will become reality but they won’t. I have thought about every terrible thing possibly not of it came true. I still struggle with thoughts even today but I know I’ve been stressed recently and it will pass.

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y ago

@Anonymous I’ll try to remember that. Probably bookmark this post as well as a reminder. I just don’t like the faces I make like if you saw my fish expressions you’d think I don’t wanna actually really like men so it’s like why am I making those expressions? But like I said I’ll try to remember what you said I hate the face as I keep fucking making I’m so sorry I just keep pulling faces over guys like I don’t like oh married I make a face like it is but it’s not ugly I would love to marry a guy one day. And I can’t stop thinking about and I’m scared I just condition myself to ‘ cause I’ve been obsessed about it even though it’s not pleasant I don’t want women’s anaanamy or structure I don’t like the way they stick out I want guys to come back so to speak in my head I want them. Sorry I didn’t mean to dump that on you.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

I promise you it will go away the best thing you are doing is attempting to get help. I remember when it was happening to me I sought help and little by little I got myself back and they went away I even laughed at them . You will be able to be free of this.

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y ago

You’re awesome

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

@Bookworm91 You wanna know how ridiculous this thing is? After my hocd left i was able to go to the pride parade with my brother and had zero issues no triggers no intrusive thoughts. That’s how I know this thing is bullshit it’s your brain scaring you and nothing else.

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y ago

I’m really scared now because I was just terrified of what people think and I’m scared it’s not but then I acted like literally I just now said with my heart craves my heart does not want to be anything other than OCD and that freaks me up because my I’m scared why would my heart act like that I don’t want it to be anything else I want man I want all this to be OCD and why would I mention my heart when my heart‘s not into this shit. My hearts not into women it’s not gay it’s not into this shit so why would I say oh it does I’m scared I don’t crave a different answer I hope it’s all OCD I’m not gay I’m so freaking sorry. I hate being so needy and bugging people

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y ago

You aren’t gay remember you aren’t your thoughts.. treat it like this “ as your self if you think of turning into a bear “ you can’t it’s just a thought. Let it pass

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y ago

I’m sorry you’re going through that. I understand what you’re talking about and it sucks

Elliesmith

Date posted: 13w ago

Is this a symptom of soocd

I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?

Mt2019

Date posted: 11w ago

Question about HOCD

Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please

violettag6

Date posted: 7w ago

so-ocd

So I identify as a lesbian and I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful girl. But i’m stressing that I have crushes on boys I go to school with. I get anxious around them, which I think I mistake for excitement. I obsess over it in my head which confuses me a lot. Idk I also never think about them sexually or romantically but I think about them often which is scaring me. Any advice?

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