I think bout ppl who have chosen to take there life cause of the pain they were feeling from watever they were going threw and it’s sad that they hurt so horribly that the only way to get peace was to not be alive anymore they could’ve gotten help and gotten better but it’s so hard to get help even this app doesn’t accept my insurance and I’m already on ssi cause of my ocd I make 533 a month it costs 100 something dollars a visit wit these online therapists I can’t afford that so wat reason is it that I can’t get better I need help I need someone to help me and I’m being denied cause I’m so sick I had to get on ssi and can’t afford help that I get Medicaid and noone accepts it and these online things don’t accept it I can barely get out of bed let alone go to doctors appointments and then go to therapy appointments once a week I can’t even wash my own hair cause the repetiveness is just to exhausting wat does it take to be equal to others that can afford it I no if I could get help virtually and just get to the point of being able to leave to go to appointments I could do that but it’s money and insurance that’s stopping me from getting better I’m already suffering enough I don’t want to jump threw hoops to go to these appointments when everything can be done tele health and all in 1 appointment in 1 day if this is the way it’s going to be then wats stopping me from leaveing and not being here anymore I just want this 1 thing this 1 thing could change my life and make me better I need medication I need a doctor and a therapist I need a mental hospital to stay in to get this help and I can’t get it cause of money and insurance so I basically can’t get better then this fucking app and all these doctors out there and hospitals out there that have denied me fuck y’all do better someone needs to do something wat will it take to get help.

Everyday just gets worse and worse and there’s no way to escape the cycle. This constant feeling of dread and guilt I can’t stand it. I have no one to talk to about any of this because I have a fear of them thinking of me different and I don’t like putting my problems on people it just makes me feel like I want attention or something like even when I’m writing this paragraph. I’m stuck in a constant loop. Constant aggressive thoughts and compulsions. I’m 18 and I don’t know about any of my insurance or anything so I can’t get a therapist on here and I really don’t wanna talk to my mom about any of this. I dread having to wake up everyone morning and continue with this shit all day every day. I hate complaining but I just can’t stand this. I don’t know what to do. I’m slowly losing every inch of my mind.

TW: suicidal Constantly fixated on the fact of helping people. I’m always doing compulsions like checking social medias to see if people need help etc, it’s exhausting cause I’m so sad I’m unable to help everyone. I just don’t know what to do and if I’m being entirely honest it’s making me not wanna be here anymore. I’m afraid that if i walk away from my phone for even 5 minutes someone will be in need and in danger and I want be there to help therefore it’s my fault etc. how can i cope with this? Obviously I want to help people but I wanna do it in different ways

Today my mom broke down crying because of how much stress she feels having to take care of me, she said I can’t do anything in terms of being able to take care of myself and she’s right I can’t, she breaks down constantly because of me, I don’t know what to do, it’s been like this for years, part of me feels like the only way to save her is to kill myself, I don’t want to die, but it feels like the only way to set her free, I don’t think anyone but her would miss me anyways, I feel utterly hopeless. I’m not going to do anything to myself the voices are just SCREAMING that I need to. I can’t work, I can’t go to school, I’m trying desperately to get therapy, I don’t know what else to do, I wish I was a child again and I felt like I had a chance to be okay. I love my mom so much and she loves me and I’m killing her, I’m actually killing her, with how fuckinh worthless and pathetic I am, it’s too much, I miss being a kid.