Does anyone have false memory/real event OCD around the fear of being abused as a child? I know logically I wasn’t, but I recently had a random memory pop up from childhood, that my brain started thinking about and worrying that maybe I was abused. It has now turned into an absolutely horrible OCD obsession and I feel so alone. It consumes my mind 24/7. I KNOW the thought isn’t real, but I keep worrying what if I have repressed memories that I just forgot about? I never once have had the thought that I was abused. I have a wonderful relationship with this person and my biggest fear is believing this thought and ruining my life as well as there’s. It’s extremely scary

You are not alone. It’s pure torture. I had an innocent memory from childhood that at first, thought nothing of, then when it came back a few months later I started thinking “hmm I wonder what this could mean?” And then I started implanting the image of something worse that could have happened and have been obsessed ever since. It’s horrible. I’m so terrified I’ll believe this and accuse my family member of doing something I know deep down they didn’t do. I’m completely obsessed with it.

Does your brain try to tell you it’s not OCD and it must be true if you’re thinking it like mine does? Even though I have a history of ocd. I’ve gone through every “theme” of ocd so it’s wired into me.

@maggiemae712 I've never been diagnosed but I've done a lot of research and realized I've been dealing with it for 20 years. It actually started with these abuse thoughts and I had no idea thats what it was. But when I'm around this person, which is often, the thoughts plague me. I try to ignore them but I don't know how to properly ignore and fix the problem. I wish i had constructive help but I don't. I do my best by reminding myself that I KNOW nothing ever happened no matter what my brain is saying. I have no reason to think anything happened except that my brain won't let me stop obsessing. I'm sure there's a better way to deal with it though.

@Catastrophelane3 My mind always goes to the worst case scenario for every situation. Its awful.

@Catastrophelane3 Sorry. I hope that was clear. That I've never been formally diagnosed with OCD but I know that's what these thoughts that plague me have to be.

@Catastrophelane3 Over time, although the thoughts haven't slowed, the doubting of myself has decreased. The images plague me still.

@Catastrophelane3 - I never experienced it until a few days ago. I’ve been in talk therapy for a bit and my therapist is very “anxiety is because of trauma, let’s explore your childhood” based and I think that really has been setting of my ocd to look for the worst. It’s horrible. Up until now, I have never felt unsafe or unsure around this family member. I don’t even have a concrete “memory” of being abused, just the innocent thought that I started to fill the gaps with. I just hope this feeling can calm down so I can live my life again. I’ve read horror stories of people thinking they have repressed memories and then accusing someone of abuse, that was false, and then ruining their entire life. It’s my biggest fear as my family is my whole world.

How did you overcome it? What was your symptoms? Mines so bad it feels like torture..

Did your mind try to trick you that the memory/thought was real even though you knew deep down it was not?

I was hoping you could give some insight ❤️

@maggiemae712 Yes, I just live with the uncertainty and don’t let it impact my day to day activities

@Anonymous How though when it feels so real?

It's funny you say that about therapy. When I started having these abusive nightmares, I told a friend about it, so obviously not a therapist, but he suggested maybe I was abused and that thought has been in my mind since. Did you tell your therapist about it?

@Catastrophelane3 - Yes. I told my therapist after I started having the thoughts and she honestly made it worse. She told me that “memories don’t lie and to trust my gut and it could be suppressed memories” which triggered it to get way worse

@maggiemae712 Huh. I think if you were clear to her that it was not true, that it didn't happen, she should be open to explore that. Especially knowing you have OCD

@Catastrophelane3 - I was pretty clear. I told her I know this never happened. I didn’t even have an actual thought that I was abused. But she said she’s a “traum a informed therapist” and takes those thoughts very seriously. Which I get. But I also have had severe ocd in the past (not treated by her) and the worst thing to say to someone with ocd is to believe thoughts.

@maggiemae712 That sucks. I feel your pain. Its a constant battle that I wish we could rid ourselves of.

@Catastrophelane3 - We aren’t alone. Even if it feels like it. It’s hard because I haven’t found much info on this form of ocd. Just the false memories of doing something harmful, not having harmful things done to you.

@maggiemae712 I've been having a hard time finding in depth info myself. Most stuff I read talks about compulsions and either briefly discusses false memories and intrusive thoughts or completely ignores its existence.

@Catastrophelane3 - There’s a video I found on YouTube that has been helpful. I’ll send it.

@Catastrophelane3 - https://youtu.be/ITiB2v3mZlo

@maggiemae712 - She talks about exactly what I’ve been going through.