I haven’t found anything online/ met anyone with OCD like mine. I’ve always had it, my mum suffered with it too and committed suicide two and a half years ago. Throughout my life I’ve seemed to suffer with all of the various types of OCD but the one bothering me the most at the moment seems to be not talked about. I have to wear specific clothes and underwear, wash, apply certain make up products before I go out socialising. All in the fear that if I don’t people won’t find me attractive, it now takes me up to five hours to get ready before going out. The main issue is, if I don’t do these compulsions people actually don’t find me attractive, no one talks to me etc. I know it sounds so vain and I remember the exact point it started and why I’m so bothered by people thinking I’m good looking. It’s widely accepted that by not completing a ritual the terrible thing won’t happen, but for me it does. It’s a similar story for me if I don’t do certain things e.g check the doors, oven etc I will miss my alarm, every time I don’t do these rituals I miss my alarm! It’s a bloody catch 22 for me!

I think the biggest thing to realize is sometimes you can try to connect 2 unrelated things to make them seem related. Even if things seem to be affected by compulsions, you have to realize that this is just your mind shaping that to be the case. Remember: just because you do something and something happens doesn't mean the two things are related. You also have to remember that likely you have done the compulsions more anyway, so you get used to the results of those but have more heightened notice of what happens when you don't do them. I would say continue resisting them (which will be tough, just try doing so in a gradual way) and then you can have a better look at results.

As far as your obsessions about your appearance goes, I would say to seek the advice of others. Sometimes it helps to know what others think as well, of course others that are friends or family. Maybe you actually do look really good when you only spend a few minutes getting ready. Remember too that when talking to new people, confidence can play a factor. If you think you look nice, you're more confident and will likely be more able to talk to others. If you don't think you do, then you won't be able to do so as easily. I'm a guy and don't really have the same things as you, but just know that you're beautiful without having to spend so much time putting on clothes and makeup. Ask your friends and family for advice and have some faith in yourself, and you'll find that people will appreciate you. If they can't find you attractive, then let them go find someone else and move on from there. Also: that's sad about your mom. If you ever feel that way yourself or feel like you're unattrative, please reach out for help as soon as possible, with close friends/family, post here, or seek out professional help by calling 1-800-273-8255 as soon as possible. Hope I was able to give some good insight, have a good day, value yourself and your beauty, and go for it!

Reading that helped me so much @CUFan, thank you. I’m so sorry about your mom as well. You are always stronger than you know! Tap into that when you forget❤️

Honestly, when I downloaded this app I felt so completely lost and I thought right I’ll try one more thing. I’ve read every book, every article and nothing seems to help. I live in the UK so have to wait 6 months before I can start CBT, and can’t afford to go privately at the moment. All of your comments honestly, have made me feel so much better, just knowing that someone can understand me. Thank you!

Have you read any books on ocd yet?