EM77

Date posted: 3y

Does anyone else ever ask themselves if they love their partner and sometimes the answer is no and sometimes the answer is yes? Is asking myself this a compulsion if most of the time I don’t get the answer I want? Also, in an Awaken into Love video, she suggested that if you tell yourself something for long enough you’ll believe it so I’m wondering if I’ve obsessed so long over whether or not I love my boyfriend that I truly believe I don’t love him.

Relationship OCD

Jigjon99

Date posted: 3y

I have ROCD and obsess about that question constantly. I have an unrealistic vision of what love should be. I expect it to be 100% all the time and thats just not reality and if its anything other than 100% it must mean that somethings wrong and i dont love her. Even what things are perfect, i question my feelings. I know its stupid, I just cant stop. I do believe you can train your brain and ive been obsessing about this for so long that it has just become part of my normal everyday.

EM77

Date posted: 3y

I think I have an unrealistic vision too! If I’m not 100% infatuated at least 90% of the time then I don’t love them but I also know infatuation isn’t love. You can be infatuated with someone but not care about them and love them as a person. I think I’ve trained my brain as I’ve been stuck obsessing about this since August and now it’s like a solid neuropathway in my brain so it’s like I truly believe my thoughts. I do this with every theme it seems but this feels the most real :(

Jigjon99

Date posted: 3y

I completely agree. I’ve had all kinds of themes in the past but this one is the most upsetting. I’ve been dealing with rocd for 7-8 years now. I have more recently been trying to have a different relationship with my thoughts. Since ocd attaches to what is most important to you, I’ve been trying to spin it into a positive. Like these thought are here because I do care and I do love her and I can’t stand to think of life without her. It helps sometimes.

EM77

Date posted: 3y

I know I need to look at the positives, it’s a matter of retraining my brain to see the positives as I always see the negatives first

JLG323

Date posted: 3y

I've been going through rocd for 4 years through out two different relationships now. My biggest thought is that rocd doesn't exist and I am just in denial. What themes have you had in the past?

EM77

Date posted: 3y

I’m worried that ROCD or relationship anxiety doesn’t exist and I’m anxious because I know the relationship is wrong. I’m worried I’m anxious because I want to leave but I just can’t bring myself to leave for whatever reason. I’m in this weird sort of depressed state at the moment where I’m not interested in talking to anyone, I’m not interested in texting my boyfriend back or even my friends and I just want to be by myself and when I’m with my boyfriend it feels so disconnected and off. Last night I convinced myself that the relationship is naturally starting to end itself, this was simply because my boyfriend was quiet as he was tired. I’m worried ROCD is one big lie and I’m living an even bigger lie

JLG323

Date posted: 3y

Ironically I didn't start doubting it until I was diagnosed lol. I think we have a lot of good reason to go about it as it is

EM77

Date posted: 3y

That’s so interesting! I’m not diagnosed, I’ve just done some research and found that OCD fits what I’ve experienced and how I’ve felt since I was about 15. Literally messaged a friend last year and said “I always have to have an obsession” and never thought about OCD. A therapist said what I was experiencing was at least anxiety but don’t think she knew enough about OCD to diagnose it. I think we should both assume it’s ROCD. One day our themes may change or we may recover which will show us one way or another. I think we have to live in the grey area and accept that the uncertainty that we may or may not love them, it may or may not be ROCD

JLG323

Date posted: 3y

I completely agree. I once heard that doubt is unfavorable, but certainty is absurd

JLG323

Date posted: 3y

That is almost exactly the thought process that I have. It eats me up. If you were to pull yourself out of your feelings for a little while and take a good look at yourself objectively, what's more likely, that you would see a person who is living a lie and destined for pain and failure or a person who is tormented by their own anxiety and mental loops? What do you think a psychologist would think after talking with you for a while? Rather then what it feels like right now, what makes the most sense?

EM77

Date posted: 3y

Honestly, I don’t even know. When it first started last year it felt like every other anxiety theme I’ve had. In his company I felt amazing and so happy but when I was alone I’d analyse how I was feeling. I recognised that I was doing my usual anxiety fuelled activities of seeking reassurance from family, Googling and searching forums. I was so sure that if I got rid of the anxiety and the overthinking I’d be happy with him forever. Now I’m not so confident and I feel like I’m the person a who’s living a lie rather than diagnosable as OCD by a psychologist. But, having said that, I felt so incredibly anxious reading your comment. It always made sense to go about this as if it was OCD or anxiety but as time has gone on I’ve become so wrapped up in the narrative of “I’m not in love”. Kind of similar to when I convinced myself I had different cancers, multiple sclerosis etc. when I was in a relationship aged 16, I was so in love and the next day I had the thought “I don’t love him anymore” which wasn’t true as I eventually got over it. I’m still trying to cling onto it being OCD for now as I think I’d regret breaking up with my current boyfriend for a long long time. I notice myself getting stuck on “I just NEED to know one way or another” which is something I experienced with health anxiety. I’m sorry I’ve rambled on for ages

JLG323

Date posted: 3y

If this is something you've thought about before and came to the conclusion of the latter, maybe "figuring it out" truly isn't the answer, does going about this as OCD make enough sense to you to give it an honest shot?

JLG323

Date posted: 3y

It's ok, you have stuff on your mind it's ok to get it out. Well I'll tell you what, from what you're saying, to me your relationship concerns seem to mirror you prior health ones. I can't say for sure whether rocd is even real or that either of us have it. But if ROCD does it exist, I have little to no doubt that we have it.

EM77

Date posted: 3y

Thanks for letting me rant! For now we can just assume it’s ROCD and that one day we’ll get over it, OCD is known as the doubting disease so it makes sense that it would make us doubt it’s ROCD.

JLG323

Date posted: 3y

What have been some of your other themes?

EM77

Date posted: 3y

Death, relationship, health, I think maybe harm at one point but I was young and I can’t remember it well and then sexual orientation has been wanting to start up recently. Relationships and health have been the two biggest ones. What about you?

JLG323

Date posted: 3y

Just realtionships. It started with a prior relationship and carried into my current one. It's been almost 4 years. It started when I had been doing acid with my past girlfriend and there was a long playing while I was looking at her. It was sallies ong from nightmare before Christmas and when she says "you are not the one" it started to spin in my head. It was actually about a year and a half after that that rocd really started heavy. June 21st 2018 exactly lol. Which is one of the reasons I wondered if ROCD was real considering I had never had any other themes which seem more likely to actually be an OCD

EM77

Date posted: 3y

I’m not an expert but I think you can have OCD and have just one theme, some people are just more prone to a particular theme or anxiety around a specific theme

JLG323

Date posted: 3y

You can, you know, just another reason to create doubt though lol. It often gets worse for me when I have being life events coming up and my wife is due in 29 days

EM77

Date posted: 3y

Yeah I understand how that may create doubt! Big life events are known to aggregate OCD and with a baby on the way it’s not surprising you’re anxious. Congratulations!

JLG323

Date posted: 3y

Thank you very much.

JLG323

Date posted: 3y

Good luck to you too with your battles.z

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 25w

Companionship vs love

Does anyone else worry and obsess over whether they desire companionship w their partner or if they actually love them? This is a fairly new obsession for me and before this I was so sure and willing to move toward, but now with this I’m feeling like this is my truth.. that I just want companionship with him and I’m not actually in love with him :( and this hurts man I don’t want just companionship I want him for him and I want to grow with him and have a deep meaningful relationship but the feelings ocd gives me feels like that’s a lie and I don’t actually love him deeply, but it’s so weird because I don’t experience that feeling of knowing deep down that it’s true the way I do with soocd. With soocd now I know deep down being with a woman isn’t what I want, and I don’t feel that certainty now with feeling like I don’t love my bf, but it feels like there’s no other option and all this trouble I’m going through to be happy with him is proof I don’t love him

Mariabae

Date posted: 22w

i feel so bad

I feel so lost. My boyfriend tries so hard to help me, but nothing seems to work. Every time he reassures me, my mind finds another doubt. He asks me, “So you’ve been questioning if you love me for almost 2 years?” and instead of feeling comforted, my mind jumps to “Maybe I just can’t accept that I don’t love him.” I keep telling him every thought that comes to my mind, hoping for relief, but it never lasts. I feel anxious, disconnected, and stuck in this endless cycle. He tells me that if I truly didn’t love him, I wouldn’t care so much about these thoughts. But still, my brain won’t stop questioning everything. I don’t understand why I feel this way. Why does it feel like I’m forcing something? Why do I feel like I can’t just know how I feel? I want to feel okay. I want to be present with him without analyzing every moment. But no matter what I do, my mind keeps telling me “What if you don’t love him?” I feel like I’m stuck between wanting clarity and being terrified of what that clarity might mean. It feels so real, and I hate it. I don’t know what to do.

LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 19w

Pure o

Getting myself into a spiral trying to figure out if I actually am in love with my boyfriend. Have I just been pretending? How do I know I ACTUALLY love him and not just the idea of him or his love and affection? It just feels like this pressing and intense question lately. I know I can’t solve it by ruminating bc I have been in the same themes for almost 2 years and have never gotten closer to “figuring them out”. Just so hard to stop trying to figure out if I actually love him or not today.

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