- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I have ROCD and obsess about that question constantly. I have an unrealistic vision of what love should be. I expect it to be 100% all the time and thats just not reality and if its anything other than 100% it must mean that somethings wrong and i dont love her. Even what things are perfect, i question my feelings. I know its stupid, I just cant stop. I do believe you can train your brain and ive been obsessing about this for so long that it has just become part of my normal everyday.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I think I have an unrealistic vision too! If I’m not 100% infatuated at least 90% of the time then I don’t love them but I also know infatuation isn’t love. You can be infatuated with someone but not care about them and love them as a person. I think I’ve trained my brain as I’ve been stuck obsessing about this since August and now it’s like a solid neuropathway in my brain so it’s like I truly believe my thoughts. I do this with every theme it seems but this feels the most real :(
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I completely agree. I’ve had all kinds of themes in the past but this one is the most upsetting. I’ve been dealing with rocd for 7-8 years now. I have more recently been trying to have a different relationship with my thoughts. Since ocd attaches to what is most important to you, I’ve been trying to spin it into a positive. Like these thought are here because I do care and I do love her and I can’t stand to think of life without her. It helps sometimes.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I know I need to look at the positives, it’s a matter of retraining my brain to see the positives as I always see the negatives first
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I've been going through rocd for 4 years through out two different relationships now. My biggest thought is that rocd doesn't exist and I am just in denial. What themes have you had in the past?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I’m worried that ROCD or relationship anxiety doesn’t exist and I’m anxious because I know the relationship is wrong. I’m worried I’m anxious because I want to leave but I just can’t bring myself to leave for whatever reason. I’m in this weird sort of depressed state at the moment where I’m not interested in talking to anyone, I’m not interested in texting my boyfriend back or even my friends and I just want to be by myself and when I’m with my boyfriend it feels so disconnected and off. Last night I convinced myself that the relationship is naturally starting to end itself, this was simply because my boyfriend was quiet as he was tired. I’m worried ROCD is one big lie and I’m living an even bigger lie
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Ironically I didn't start doubting it until I was diagnosed lol. I think we have a lot of good reason to go about it as it is
- Date posted
- 3y ago
That’s so interesting! I’m not diagnosed, I’ve just done some research and found that OCD fits what I’ve experienced and how I’ve felt since I was about 15. Literally messaged a friend last year and said “I always have to have an obsession” and never thought about OCD. A therapist said what I was experiencing was at least anxiety but don’t think she knew enough about OCD to diagnose it. I think we should both assume it’s ROCD. One day our themes may change or we may recover which will show us one way or another. I think we have to live in the grey area and accept that the uncertainty that we may or may not love them, it may or may not be ROCD
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I completely agree. I once heard that doubt is unfavorable, but certainty is absurd
- Date posted
- 3y ago
That is almost exactly the thought process that I have. It eats me up. If you were to pull yourself out of your feelings for a little while and take a good look at yourself objectively, what's more likely, that you would see a person who is living a lie and destined for pain and failure or a person who is tormented by their own anxiety and mental loops? What do you think a psychologist would think after talking with you for a while? Rather then what it feels like right now, what makes the most sense?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Honestly, I don’t even know. When it first started last year it felt like every other anxiety theme I’ve had. In his company I felt amazing and so happy but when I was alone I’d analyse how I was feeling. I recognised that I was doing my usual anxiety fuelled activities of seeking reassurance from family, Googling and searching forums. I was so sure that if I got rid of the anxiety and the overthinking I’d be happy with him forever. Now I’m not so confident and I feel like I’m the person a who’s living a lie rather than diagnosable as OCD by a psychologist. But, having said that, I felt so incredibly anxious reading your comment. It always made sense to go about this as if it was OCD or anxiety but as time has gone on I’ve become so wrapped up in the narrative of “I’m not in love”. Kind of similar to when I convinced myself I had different cancers, multiple sclerosis etc. when I was in a relationship aged 16, I was so in love and the next day I had the thought “I don’t love him anymore” which wasn’t true as I eventually got over it. I’m still trying to cling onto it being OCD for now as I think I’d regret breaking up with my current boyfriend for a long long time. I notice myself getting stuck on “I just NEED to know one way or another” which is something I experienced with health anxiety. I’m sorry I’ve rambled on for ages
- Date posted
- 3y ago
If this is something you've thought about before and came to the conclusion of the latter, maybe "figuring it out" truly isn't the answer, does going about this as OCD make enough sense to you to give it an honest shot?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
It's ok, you have stuff on your mind it's ok to get it out. Well I'll tell you what, from what you're saying, to me your relationship concerns seem to mirror you prior health ones. I can't say for sure whether rocd is even real or that either of us have it. But if ROCD does it exist, I have little to no doubt that we have it.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thanks for letting me rant! For now we can just assume it’s ROCD and that one day we’ll get over it, OCD is known as the doubting disease so it makes sense that it would make us doubt it’s ROCD.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
What have been some of your other themes?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Death, relationship, health, I think maybe harm at one point but I was young and I can’t remember it well and then sexual orientation has been wanting to start up recently. Relationships and health have been the two biggest ones. What about you?
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Just realtionships. It started with a prior relationship and carried into my current one. It's been almost 4 years. It started when I had been doing acid with my past girlfriend and there was a long playing while I was looking at her. It was sallies ong from nightmare before Christmas and when she says "you are not the one" it started to spin in my head. It was actually about a year and a half after that that rocd really started heavy. June 21st 2018 exactly lol. Which is one of the reasons I wondered if ROCD was real considering I had never had any other themes which seem more likely to actually be an OCD
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I’m not an expert but I think you can have OCD and have just one theme, some people are just more prone to a particular theme or anxiety around a specific theme
- Date posted
- 3y ago
You can, you know, just another reason to create doubt though lol. It often gets worse for me when I have being life events coming up and my wife is due in 29 days
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Yeah I understand how that may create doubt! Big life events are known to aggregate OCD and with a baby on the way it’s not surprising you’re anxious. Congratulations!
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thank you very much.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Good luck to you too with your battles.z
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w ago
I've gotten diagnosed with OCD and I'm in therapy. But I'm worried that I don't have OCD/that I got misdiagnosed. And recently I'm worried that I've just gotten myself into a habit of thinking of dirty minded or just plain old terrible things after I see/hear certain things because I feel like I need to prove I have OCD or else I'm faking(sometimes this goes away). Or that I'm just mimicking symptoms of ocd to cope with real problems I may have and that im just really deep into denial. I don't know...I'm just so tired. I mean, what if I really am what I think I am and this is my brains only way of coping? I don't even really feel anything towards most of the thoughts anymore either I just know they go against my values and I don't want them. I don't know if that's because I'm so mentally exhausted, I just don't care, or that the thoughts are true and I'm comfortable with them.
- Date posted
- 19w ago
That’s kinda my question. All my thoughts feel so realistic and so now I doubt if they are ocd and if I just can’t make my mind up about something and I’m using ocd as an excuse or something idc I feel like this post is word vomit.
- Date posted
- 13w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
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