- Username
- EM77
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Oh my goodness reading this it could of been me. I relate so much to this. Growing up I’ve never had a crush on a girl, but whenever I see lesbians together I feel in some way turned on or uncomfortable? I’ve always been with guys in relationship but always had ROCD. My current relationship is the best, and I do love him. When I’m not with him I want to see him then when I am it’s like I’m just testing myself? I feel like I’m leading him on or being dishonest. Since my OCD has been getting progressively worse I have been on medications which has also killed my sex drive soooo much. This pushes my fears more. We speak about a future together, I feel excited the idea of moving in together, looking after him and our space sounds amazing. But I don’t know if I’m just in denial? What if I lead him on for longer just to come out when I’m older? I’ve always been someone that’s much more attracted to guys personalities, I’ve had lots of crushes that have been sexual but they’re usually based on someone I’ve got to know. I love my boyfriends personality that’s what’s drawn me to him, I find him attractive of course but I’m not someone who’s turned on by a mans naked body? I never had topless boy band posters round my room when I was a teenager 🤣 but then I probably find the body of a naked woman more sexual? I don’t think this makes me a lesbian, but I’m scared I’m just in the closet Sorry for rambling!!! I’m sorry you’re going through this too but hold onto those moments of love and clarity, I get them too and they’re the only thing that keeps me going. ❤️
someone mentioned once too that like women are far more sexualized in our culture than men! so yes a naked man is sexual but not as erotic as a woman’s body purely cause of how our culture uses it. but anyways, i totally relate to you. like your experience is mine to a TEE. you aren’t alone. i just finished doing a flooding exposure for SO-OCD and i kept worrying i wasn’t anxious enough. if you don’t know, flooding is where you write down triggering words in increasing level of difficulty (for example, my least triggering or distressing word was “lesbian”) and you repeat them aloud in the face of anxiety. i was worried i didnt feel anxious enough, but pushed through!! you can do this.
i think sexuality and sexual orientation can be 2 separate things- here’s what i mean. sexuality can mean who you’re attracted to, yes, but usually the word is intended to describe our relationship with sex itself. orientation more so does a better job at describing the people we experience romantic and/or sexual feelings for! the reason i make this distinction is because your sexuality may be a little more reserved. you may take longer to get turned on, you may be more interested in emotional and romantic connection than physical right away. and i’d say there’s wayyy more people in that boat than purely physical connection or intimacy coming first. sexuality has nothing to do with orientation. the way you experience sex and sexual attraction is a separate idea from sexual orientation. just because you value romance and mental/emotional connection more than sexual, doesn’t make you a lesbian or really any sexual orientation. your sexual orientation makes you that. i’m sorry, this wasn’t as ocd focused but i hope this helped slightly :) best of luck and most importantly— keep leaning into uncertainty!
This is really helpful thank you :)
Same as you … I have some difficulty with sex so it’s try to take that as a proof like but I find him beautiful and I love his body and everything … i don’t know if that means I’m a lesbian but I don’t want to be because even if I say that I would have crush on boy I think… I jsute want to have a family with my boyfriend and live a beautiful life with him .. If you want to talk I’m here
Thank you for responding! I know I love my boyfriend in more than just a platonic friend way because I’ve felt the way I did on Saturday for my friends. I feel like lesbian isn’t the right label for me, it just doesn’t fit. I love cuddling, hugging, holding hands and kisses but don’t really like going further much. I do it to please him though and then sometimes I find I have a good time. We talked about getting engaged in the future and I was so happy, I’m just so confused
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Thinking about relationships makes me feel so bad. At this point both men and women trigger this obsession with trying to figure out what my sexuality is. I don’t really want to date anyone, I’ve been okay with this for over a year, and it’s not like I’ve been completely detached from the lgtbqia community. Like, I know lesbians and other wlw and for a long time I thought I was like bi (I think I’m honestly more aro than I realized), and I haven’t thought much, but ever since I realized I don’t want to share my future with anyone it’s like my brain is screeeeaming that this just means I’m a lesbian, when that’s never been a thought that crossed my mind. It’s definitely been better for me lately when I started cutting out compulsions and all that, but I’m still undiagnosed and I don’t know for sure what exactly is happening to me. If I was a lesbian I’d accept myself, but it’s the fact that it feels SO BAD when I think about it that makes me feel like I need to figure it out even more. Like is it anxiety because I don’t like it or anxiety because it’s like internalized homophobia? And it’s like omg I need to figure it out otherwise I’m just living a lie and I won’t ever be happy. I’ll get flashes of anxiety when I’m just watching a movie or a YouTube video about a boy band I like... and it throws things from the lesbian masterdoc in my face about how I had crushes on fictional characters and celebrities and how that’s something that lesbians do because it’s ‘safer’ to crush on unobtainable men. And it just feels bad bc I know I’ve had crushes on guys that were my friends too but I also have a lot of trauma and I wasn’t allowed to date growing up so that’s what I did to actually explore romance. When the anxiety spikes it makes me feel as if it was all a sign. What’s worse is that I started looking to aromanticism before I read the doc and there’s this bit about how some lesbians think they’re aro bc they don’t like men but never explore their attraction to women either and it’s like ahhhh what’s the truth. I don’t know anymore. Not thinking about it makes me antsy, & the second my anxiety spikes it’s hard to do anything during the rest of the day. I don’t want to think about falling in love and having relationships, I miss when I was just living life in the moment. I miss not thinking twice about when I found a guy attractive, or even a girl. Like it just makes my brain hurt so bad.
Hello, I’m 22F. I have always had crushes on men and have dated men. I never really CARED for sex much but I would still do it. I watch lesbian porn or anything that stimulates the girl more/ what I would enjoy. I fantasize about getting with a girl/ wanting to do things with a girl because of how good it would feel. However, I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for 2 years. Before him, I used to really like another guy. I can’t differentiate between whether I am lesbian, BI, or just straight with normal fantasies. I can’t think/ imagine myself in a relationship with a girl but I guess it wouldn’t be bad to get with a girl at the same time. Sex is just sex. However, I started having obsessive thoughts about my sexuality 2 years ago since then I’ve been diagnosed with health anxiety also. I don’t know, could it be that I’m just not that into my current boyfriend that it makes me question my sexuality? Is it it possible that he might not be so attractive to me that it makes me feel / think what if I am not straight? How can you differentiate between intrusive OCE or the reality / truth of something?? I don’t recall ever having a crush on a girl but I still see certain men and acknowledge how good looking they are and imagine being with them.
I am a woman in a long term relationship of over 5 years with a man who I genuinely love. I have identified as bisexual my whole adult life but I have only ever dated men (just by chance). For months I've been having obsessive thoughts about whether I am actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself- I keep going through temporary periods where I make peace with the worries but it always seems to come back with a vengance. This week the thoughts have been so constant that any quiet moment my brain immediately starts stressing over the possibility. My partner is aware of the thoughts (has has dealt with OCD as well and understands) but I still feel SO guilty because I am happy in my relationship and I don't know why I can't move past the thoughts. I logically know that I am attracted to men and that I find my partner attractive. But I get worried that maybe down the line that will change and things will only get more painful if we needed to separate. I feel like I'm so obsessed with ways things could end that I'm missing all the good that's actually in front of me and it feels so sad and isolating 💔
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