My brain can’t stop trying to figure out my sexuality and it’s horrible. I can find both men and women attractive so thought I might be bi, but then I don’t often want sex with my boyfriend so I’m worried I could be a lesbian. I can identify with bi or asexual quite happily but thinking about being a lesbian fills me with so much dread and anxiety. On Saturday I had the best day with my boyfriend. I felt so in love for most of the day which was a triumph considering I’ve had ROCD for the whole of the relationship. There was a time I looked at him and I honestly could’ve cried because I loved him that much. Surely I wouldn’t feel like that if I was a lesbian? I’ve always had crushes on boys growing up, but they were always romantic ones. When I thought of love growing up it was always romantic, I always felt a little alienated because I wasn’t interested in sex and sexual acts. Now, I enjoy sexual things with my boyfriend but he has to work to get me in the mood. I’m worried this means I’m not sexually attracted to him and what this means. But the love I feel sometimes is so intense and fills me with happiness. My mind can’t rest until I’ve figured it out

Same as you … I have some difficulty with sex so it’s try to take that as a proof like but I find him beautiful and I love his body and everything … i don’t know if that means I’m a lesbian but I don’t want to be because even if I say that I would have crush on boy I think… I jsute want to have a family with my boyfriend and live a beautiful life with him .. If you want to talk I’m here

Thank you for responding! I know I love my boyfriend in more than just a platonic friend way because I’ve felt the way I did on Saturday for my friends. I feel like lesbian isn’t the right label for me, it just doesn’t fit. I love cuddling, hugging, holding hands and kisses but don’t really like going further much. I do it to please him though and then sometimes I find I have a good time. We talked about getting engaged in the future and I was so happy, I’m just so confused

i think sexuality and sexual orientation can be 2 separate things- here’s what i mean. sexuality can mean who you’re attracted to, yes, but usually the word is intended to describe our relationship with sex itself. orientation more so does a better job at describing the people we experience romantic and/or sexual feelings for! the reason i make this distinction is because your sexuality may be a little more reserved. you may take longer to get turned on, you may be more interested in emotional and romantic connection than physical right away. and i’d say there’s wayyy more people in that boat than purely physical connection or intimacy coming first. sexuality has nothing to do with orientation. the way you experience sex and sexual attraction is a separate idea from sexual orientation. just because you value romance and mental/emotional connection more than sexual, doesn’t make you a lesbian or really any sexual orientation. your sexual orientation makes you that. i’m sorry, this wasn’t as ocd focused but i hope this helped slightly :) best of luck and most importantly— keep leaning into uncertainty!

This is really helpful thank you :)

Oh my goodness reading this it could of been me. I relate so much to this. Growing up I’ve never had a crush on a girl, but whenever I see lesbians together I feel in some way turned on or uncomfortable? I’ve always been with guys in relationship but always had ROCD. My current relationship is the best, and I do love him. When I’m not with him I want to see him then when I am it’s like I’m just testing myself? I feel like I’m leading him on or being dishonest. Since my OCD has been getting progressively worse I have been on medications which has also killed my sex drive soooo much. This pushes my fears more. We speak about a future together, I feel excited the idea of moving in together, looking after him and our space sounds amazing. But I don’t know if I’m just in denial? What if I lead him on for longer just to come out when I’m older? I’ve always been someone that’s much more attracted to guys personalities, I’ve had lots of crushes that have been sexual but they’re usually based on someone I’ve got to know. I love my boyfriends personality that’s what’s drawn me to him, I find him attractive of course but I’m not someone who’s turned on by a mans naked body? I never had topless boy band posters round my room when I was a teenager 🤣 but then I probably find the body of a naked woman more sexual? I don’t think this makes me a lesbian, but I’m scared I’m just in the closet Sorry for rambling!!! I’m sorry you’re going through this too but hold onto those moments of love and clarity, I get them too and they’re the only thing that keeps me going. ❤️