I went over to a friends house, in which we played cards against humanity. I’ve always tried to play benign cards but I just feel horrible that I participated in the game. What kind of person am I?! I feel I don’t deserve to live a good life after this. I feel sick.

Context is key in my opinion. Within the context of Cards against humanity, it's comedy. Now, comedy is super subjective and if you don't enjoy that kind of comedy and it makes you uncomfortable, that's different. With OCD it's hard because you want to make sure you're not avoiding triggering subjects and feeding those obsessions (I was also like this about some kinds of jokes)

You can use this experience to support your view as an advocate. You could say "I've been in social situations where I've heard others making jokes about _______ and I know the pain this could cause someone. We need to educate people about _______ " and so on. Anxiety can take over and provide no room for alternative thinking!

Thank you! I wish the same for you! OCD really attacks what's most important to us!

Hey I'm sorry you're feeling this way! Can you help me understand a little more about what your thinking/feeling?

It's just a game. I love it but I also have a dark sense of humor. It's not for everyone.

Hi @doubts123, you mean what is the game? Or how my night went down in regard to the game?

Sorry I didn't know the nature of cards against humanity. Now I understand why you were having these thoughts. It seems like obsessive thinking took this an ran with it to blow things out of proportion and make you feel bad.

Yes. I’ve gone to dinner at this friends house, I should know by now that this is the only game they bring out. Still the content of the cards give me pause. I feel it affected me greatly because someone was making fun of a population I advocate for, like it just made me feel really bad. I just wish had never been played at the dinner, or I felt I should have just gone home.

Now I feel I can’t be an advocate even though I wasn’t engaging in the joke or that I’m just a really bad person.

@lucius, sorry not ignoring you. I just hope my consequent messages explain my worry.

That’s true. Thank you for pointing that out. Yeah my anxiety and thoughts tend to jump to I’m just the worst and I might as well be socially outcast for the rest of my life. Not to mention a horrid representative for those I care about. I don’t see others the same. My therapist says I demonize myself often. But I can’t see past the fog of this so it feels so true to me

I totally understand this and deal with similar things. I don't know for me if it's OCD, social anxiety, CPTSD or what. I'm extremely hard on myself also and regular mistakes feel life ending or that I'm just terrible and deserve nothing. I get scared if I'm less hard on myself then I'll turn into a narcissist that doesn't care about anyone. It's weird how we are so hard on ourselves but don't feel this about others. I'm sending you lots of support!!

Hi @doubt123, I appreciate your support. I am hoping you find peace on this balance between acceptance of uncertainty and deciphering your own processes as well ? @lucius thank you for explaining. My OCD has been circling around my current field I’m in ever since beginning of last year. My brain keeps testing me to see if I’m qualified in any shape or form to be this type of advocate. It tends to pick up on the smallest things and then my brain becomes obsessive as if it’s going to fix the “problem” it’s observed.

That’s for sure!