- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 6y
Context is key in my opinion. Within the context of Cards against humanity, it's comedy. Now, comedy is super subjective and if you don't enjoy that kind of comedy and it makes you uncomfortable, that's different. With OCD it's hard because you want to make sure you're not avoiding triggering subjects and feeding those obsessions (I was also like this about some kinds of jokes)
You can use this experience to support your view as an advocate. You could say "I've been in social situations where I've heard others making jokes about _______ and I know the pain this could cause someone. We need to educate people about _______ " and so on. Anxiety can take over and provide no room for alternative thinking!
Thank you! I wish the same for you! OCD really attacks what's most important to us!
Hey I'm sorry you're feeling this way! Can you help me understand a little more about what your thinking/feeling?
It's just a game. I love it but I also have a dark sense of humor. It's not for everyone.
Hi @doubts123, you mean what is the game? Or how my night went down in regard to the game?
Sorry I didn't know the nature of cards against humanity. Now I understand why you were having these thoughts. It seems like obsessive thinking took this an ran with it to blow things out of proportion and make you feel bad.
Yes. I’ve gone to dinner at this friends house, I should know by now that this is the only game they bring out. Still the content of the cards give me pause. I feel it affected me greatly because someone was making fun of a population I advocate for, like it just made me feel really bad. I just wish had never been played at the dinner, or I felt I should have just gone home.
Now I feel I can’t be an advocate even though I wasn’t engaging in the joke or that I’m just a really bad person.
@lucius, sorry not ignoring you. I just hope my consequent messages explain my worry.
That’s true. Thank you for pointing that out. Yeah my anxiety and thoughts tend to jump to I’m just the worst and I might as well be socially outcast for the rest of my life. Not to mention a horrid representative for those I care about. I don’t see others the same. My therapist says I demonize myself often. But I can’t see past the fog of this so it feels so true to me
I totally understand this and deal with similar things. I don't know for me if it's OCD, social anxiety, CPTSD or what. I'm extremely hard on myself also and regular mistakes feel life ending or that I'm just terrible and deserve nothing. I get scared if I'm less hard on myself then I'll turn into a narcissist that doesn't care about anyone. It's weird how we are so hard on ourselves but don't feel this about others. I'm sending you lots of support!!
Hi @doubt123, I appreciate your support. I am hoping you find peace on this balance between acceptance of uncertainty and deciphering your own processes as well ? @lucius thank you for explaining. My OCD has been circling around my current field I’m in ever since beginning of last year. My brain keeps testing me to see if I’m qualified in any shape or form to be this type of advocate. It tends to pick up on the smallest things and then my brain becomes obsessive as if it’s going to fix the “problem” it’s observed.
That’s for sure!
I feel like a really terrible person right now, I keep replaying this, and no matter what I can’t remember what happened, it’s like my brain is purposely not letting me think about it. Without wasting any more time, I’ll get into it. Basically, I was at Walmart, and looking at cards with My Dad, I saw anime ones, took pictures of them for my sister, even ones that were anime kids, because I did my best to ignore it, so I looked at a Hunter x Hunter card, I stared at the black haired kid, being all like “ I’m glad I’m not having any thoughts about this, I’m glad I’m having normal thoughts and not thinking anything” I felt happy, then as soon as I looked at killua (white haired kid), everything collapsed. I don’t know what happened, my brain won’t let me remember. But I’ll give bits and pieces. I think that I had false attraction, and something in my head, said “oh, I wouldn’t mind being attracted.” “He is attractive, and I’m attracted to him.” “I remember a girl thinking he is attractive and he is” “ It’s not wrong to be attracted” “ I don’t care about his age” .. something along the lines of that, and now I’m panicking super hard, because I’m worried if I said those things, I feel like I ruined my life that I’m a pe//do and deserve nothing, idk what to do, I feel terrible… I remember when I was having the intrusive thoughts, I was panicking and was worrying, but it kept playing out, and I kept hearing things talk, it was drawn out too long, that now I feel convinced that I was saying those things, I tested it too, and I can confirm that I didn’t say that, but why am I still not convinced? I know I wouldn’t say those things, I was hoping the complete opposite would happen. My brain kept making me feel like it wasn’t wrong and it was okay. Maybe that’s why I’m so convinced I did that. I’m just spiraling super bad right now, I don’t know what to do or what to think, I don’t know if I said that or not… even if I did test it, I genuinely just feel like I said it, and I wanted it, because I still feel uncertain, I still feel like I said it, part of me just wants to be like oh I did and so I can move on, not because I agree with it, I just don’t know what else to do… I’m really scared.
I look back at various past events in my life where I said or did things that I feel really guilty, disgusted, and ashamed about. I replay them in my head for hours. I feel anxious about crossing paths with people that I've hurt or upset in the past or who perceive me badly, to the point that I will avoid going out in public as much as possible. I go out for work, errands, appointments, and occasionally to eat (even though those all give me a lot of anxiety), but I avoid community events where people might recognize me and I tend to isolate myself. The only people I see regularly are my boyfriend, my parents, and my coworkers. I live in a small community and I'm worried about people confronting me publicly and proving what a bad person I must be.
I’m a 23 y/o female who has recently entered a phase of obsessive thoughts of mistakes I’ve made, ranging from events that happened over a decade ago when and I was a kid up to things that happened recently. I feel so much debilitating guilt I can’t do anything or function. I especially feel bad for this one instance. I have always had extremely low self esteem, and I often seek attention and validation especially from men. I like being liked. I find myself trying to act or look cute, or even act somewhat like a pick-me, so that I feel liked. I feel like I may even do this with girls too, but especially guys. I just really like attention, and I’ve been in a stagnant 6 year relationship where I don’t really feel desirable, and I’m very lonely. A few months ago I started playing a game where I met a large group of people and we would all play together everyday. One of the people in particular was a 15/16 year old guy who flirted with me a lot, and I kept my distance because he was so young, and I felt kinda weird talking to someone younger than me, but we would still talk sometimes because we were apart of the same discord group, and I have a problem being stern and confrontational so I didn’t want to be mean or make things awkward in the friend group. Although it made me uncomfortable that he was so young and that I’m nearly a whole decade older than him, and I did make it clear that I was dating someone and I was way too old for him and I would tell him to stop, I wasn’t very stern and I was very lighthearted about it and I even found myself liking the attention I got from him. I was flattered. I liked that he liked me so much even though I knew he was a teenager and I feel like I was maybe even seeking attention from him like I did with the other guys in the group. And when I say seeking attention, I mean that I was acting cute so that I was liked and got attention. Is that considered flirting? Was I flirting with him? Does this make me disgusting? That I liked the attention I got even though he was teenager? That I acted cute around him as well as all the other guys so that he would like me? I feel disgusted with myself. Does this make me a predator? Doesn’t this make me disgusting that I liked attention I got from a teenager? To be fair, I like the attention I get from any guy. I just like feeling liked. But I feel like it makes me disgusting that even though I knew he was a teenager I still liked and was flattered by the attention and was possibly even seeking it out from him. My head is all messed up. I really feel like I’m having an identity crisis. I feel disgusted with myself to the point that I’m nauseous. I’m so ashamed. I’ve been crying nonstop for days on end and I feel truly hopeless. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life with this shame and that I’m convinced that makes me a predator or a sick person. I don’t know if I’m overthinking things or not. I just really need some relief because I feel like I’m losing my mind, but I want someone to be honest with me about my actions.
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