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- 3y
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with rocd, if i break up with my boyfriend would it happen in the next relationship ? has anybody actually experienced what happens after you break up?
with rocd, if i break up with my boyfriend would it happen in the next relationship ? has anybody actually experienced what happens after you break up?
Most likely. OCD attacks the things you care about the most.
Hey, I’ve had ocd in all my relationships. Particularly SO OCD / ROCD. I still have this now with my boyfriend who is lovely. I had a previous long relationship with a boyfriend who I really loved too but experienced ROCD, however when I broke up with him it wasn’t actually bad and I knew it was right. OCD doesn’t make sense and is so difficult to come to, but when we really feel that way and know things need to be ended it’s a completely different feeling! I’ve been reluctant to get into relationships because I’m waiting for the ROCD to start even tho it usually does after the first date 🤣 but we need to push through and try our best to fight it head on! This isn’t to say I don’t still struggle I really really do but breaking up with your boyfriend isn’t the answer it’s just pushing OCDs influence! ❤️
if i really wanted to break up with him would i cry every time we talk about it and feel so anxious about it? like i get in this panicked mode
i’m just trying to figure out if it’s my ocd or my real thoughts. he’s my best friend and i love him and a month ago i saw myself marrying him and now i wake up every morning anxious
Hey yes I broke up with my boyfriend 1.5 years ago and definitely struggled through it. I asked myself a million times if I was doing the “right” thing. In the end, you’ll never know, but when I looked at the facts (I made an extensive list (lol probably a compulsion)), I knew it was a choice that made sense for me. Focus on facts not feelings and you will be okay:) I am a way more grounded and happy person now thst im without him!
was he a bad boyfriend? my boyfriend would have no reasons to break up except for a feeling in my anxiety. or something stupid like is his nose too big
@bananapancakes Ohhh then that’s totally different, I didn’t understand that was your situation! He wasn’t like HORRIBLE or anything, but I realized I didn’t love him, enjoy being around him, and he was stifling my growth. He was passive and didn’t act on his words. So yeah, he was in that “bad” category. It took me a while to realize all this stuff because I convinced myself it wasn’t a big deal! But then I realized it did matter and I had to end it to get better. So my OCD kind of did the opposite, it told me to get back together with him even though the facts said it wasn’t good and even my feelings said it wasn’t good either! But that is NOT the same as just because his butt was big or he didn’t shave as much as I wanted him to. Those are things OCD is trying to get you with and give you anxiety about! Not the same as actually feeling or knowing the facts and not being able to go through with it because of fear! Don’t listen to those voices of anxiety and fear if that’s all they are!
Honestly I’m exactly the same I get urges to break up with him all the time. I still find ocd soooo difficult to navigate I deal with thinking I’m a lesbian, leading him on, wasting his time etc every day. But I am navigating it, It sounds like you’re in an OCD spike please don’t try and figure out where these thoughts come from and just try to sit with them. This is the only way it’ll pass. Maybe write them down face them see them for what they are!
i totally get you. i’ve have the same thing. do you think it would be the bad choice to break up with him?
@bananapancakes Personally yea, I think that’s letting OCD win. For me, my boyfriend is the best person so he’s worth dealing with OCD for, it’ll only happen in the next relationship you get into (probably). At the same time it’s entirely up to you. If he is worth it then deffo keep going, but speak to him about it if you haven’t already. I showed my boyfriend this site and sent him some resources because OCD is so hard to understand if you don’t have it! If you would rather focus on yourself that’s totally ok too, but don’t react with impulse! I get thoughts that life would be easier without a boyfriend but right now I’ve made the decision to try and be present and appreciate the love I receive and TRY my best to give back x
Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love, however if you are living with Relationship OCD (ROCD) this can be a very triggering day. Relationship OCD is essentially, the fear of being in the wrong relationship, not truly loving your partner, or not being loved by your partner. This makes you doubt the true nature of your relationship and makes you believe that your entire relationship is based on lies. It can make you feel like a bad person and not worthy of love. ROCD will make you believe that you need to leave the relationship just to find some peace. When we think about ROCD we often think that this only applies to romantic relationships, however ROCD can impact friendships and family relationships as well. ROCD will attack whatever relationship is most important to you. As an ERP therapist some of the most common obsessions that I have seen include “Is my partner ‘The One’”? “Maybe I am meant to be with someone else”. “What if my partner cheats on me or worse I cheat on him/her”? “I find X attractive. Should I break up with my partner and be with X”? “Do I even love my partner? What if they don’t love me?” This list could go on and on. The basis of all of these intrusive thoughts is fear and doubt. The compulsions associated with ROCD are vast. The most common include checking feelings to make sure you really love your partner, avoidance behaviors, reassurance seeking behaviors both from your partner and from others and ruminating on the relationship in the hopes of figuring out if this is the “right” relationship for you. ROCD, as in most theses in OCD, wants 100% uncertainty that this relationship will work out with no conflict or compromise. The problem is this is unrealistic. All relationships will have some level of conflict and compromise in them. There is no “perfect relationship”. Most of us have grown up with fairy tales where one true love will come and sweep up off our feet. Life and relationships can be messy and complicated, but they are worth it and are a key aspect of what makes us human. The fact is ROCD makes you doubt everything and will take the joy, excitement and contentment out of the relationship. The good news is that treatment is available, and it is possible to have a long, happy, fulfilling relationship despite ROCD fears. It does take time, perseverance and patience. Treatment using Exposure Response Prevention has been proven to lessen intrusive thoughts. You will learn to manage your expectations of the relationships while leaning into your fears and learning to accept the uncomfortable feelings. By doing this, you can bring joy and contentment back into you life and your relationships. I'd love to hear about how ROCD is showing up for you. Share your experiences in the comments below or ask your questions about ROCD and I will respond to them.
Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks
Does anyone else struggle with object permanence in relationships? Like whenever my partner is out of the house I immediately think negatively or I find things wrong with the relationship or him… For background my partner and I always fight over chores (I know it’s common but it’s annoying) I definitely pull more weight than him and I think he has ADHD, which makes him struggle to help and be aware of helping. Lately we’ve been somewhat good with splitting meals and dishes whatever, I know it can change with work stress, fatigue whatever. But last week my partner was out of the house watching his uncle’s dog so he was barely home. He was sleeping over at his uncles house and would come home for meals sometimes and stuff like that. I started becoming super fixated on him not helping with the dishes before he left and would constantly feel urges to yell about it. Even though the week prior everything was good when it came to that (sometimes with my ROCD I’ll even question myself and be like was it?) so I have started 4 separate fights arguing about dishes and chores and mentioning that he doesn’t help enough and if this continues I’ll have to leave… it’s so hard for me to snap out of it and just realize that he was going back and forth and didn’t think to help because he was busy with helping his uncle. And then I get such a negative view of him in my head that I nitpick his appearance, I make comments, etc, because my underlying fear is he doesn’t care to help, he will never change, and we will fail. So it’s almost like I’m looking to have a reason to run before I actually need to? It’s a constant cycle for me and I’m truly so exhausted by myself. But also relationships are so hard for me because I struggled SO much with trying to depend on others that I almost don’t let myself depend on others…. Any advice is appreciated but also just like do you also experience this? Thank you & pls be kind 🥺🥺🥺
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