Hey guys need some support, have a serious life decision coming up and ocd is rearing it’s head. I’m down bad and seriously considering ending it all. I just could use some support.

I usually try to stay positive. But the past few days it’s just been hard for me. I just find it really difficult for people in my life to understand how debilitating ocd can be . It feels like people belive I should be able to do more or be just be over it by now. I honestly need support but I don’t really feel like I have it in my daily life. Recently my ocd has just been really big on contamination. To the point where my house feels like one big trap. I’m trying to get better but I feel like no matter how much effort I put into getting my life back. It just feels like I’m in quick sand…not getting anywhere. OCD has taken so much away from me. I just want my life back. I’m trying my hardest. Ugh It’s just been tough. The outside world hasn’t felt safe for months so it’s caused me to isolate and now my own place doesn’t feel safe. I’m just struggling tbh. I just neededto let that out and be vulnerable tbh 😕

Can I be honest? Im kind of panicking rn. Im exhausted and scared of everything constantly. I haven’t left my house in the past 3 ish months because my ocd perceives everything as a threat. Especially everything outside of my place. Tomorrow is a big day. I’m gonna go out for the first time with an old friend. But I’m so scared. My ocd is already thinking of all the “what ifs” and my heart is racing. But I’m going to push through it because my ocd has taken experiences, time, and happiness from me. I’m just tired of it and I really gotta draw the line somewhere. And i feel like this is where. I really can’t let it take me away from people I care about and care about me. But it’s terrifying even though I know it’s irrational. It doesn’t make it any less scary. Honestly I just need some validation, words of wisdom, or just encouragement. No one in my life really gets what it’s like to have ocd. Idk if you feel called to comment I appreciate you. But if you don’t and you made it this far. Thanks for hearing me out 🫂

I’ve been through a really tough year, especially with OCD, and I want to be open about it in case it helps someone else feel less alone. If anything I share resonates, feel free to comment. My OCD first showed up as sexual-orientation OCD while I was studying abroad in Spain. My program had mostly girls, and my home university is also a very LGBTQ-friendly campus. Being in spaces where sexuality was talked about so openly made me feel pressured to “figure out” my orientation with certainty, which fueled the OCD spiral. At the same time, I was dealing with health OCD around concussions, so everything piled up. In August 2024, after a confusing conversation with a friend, I met a man I have a very deep emotional connection with — a connection that honestly has never gone away. I believed, and part of me still believes, that it was a “twin flame” connection. But the intensity of it triggered multiple OCD themes: sexual-orientation OCD, relationship OCD, existential and religious OCD, and magical thinking. I went down a lot of rabbit holes trying to make sense of it. Around the same time, I started noticing more dysfunction in my family, especially with my mom, and things eventually blew up. The fight we had escalated, and while I don’t want to go into detail, it did get to a point where I felt like my personal space and property were being invaded. I didn’t feel emotionally safe, so I wanted to leave. I ended up staying with my grandparents in Nashville, where I fell into isolation and depression. I put a lot of emotional weight on the man I have the connection with, which led him to set boundaries, and I spiraled even more. My grandparents eventually said I needed to return home, but my mom would only let me come back if I got off Prozac and signed papers giving her control over my medication, which I’m not comfortable with. So now I’m staying at a friend’s apartment on an air mattress while I try to get into a PHP program for OCD and figure out insurance and independence. There were also moments when intrusive thoughts felt like psychic “visions,” which scared me and led me to say things I now regret. My family doesn’t understand OCD and thinks I’m faking or self-diagnosing, which has been incredibly painful. I’m not in the best place mentally, emotionally, or financially, but I’m sharing this because I want this space to feel safe for others too. I also wish I had gotten help sooner. My biggest compulsion right now is using ChatGPT for reassurance before making decisions — which is even why I’m using it to shorten this post. But I’m trying to break that cycle and focus on real recovery. Thanks for reading if you made it here💓💓