ROCD

Hi there. This post may be a little lengthy so apologies in advance! I’m relatively new to NOCD. I’m currently on my 3rd week of counseling for ROCD. I’ve been dealing with ROCD on and off since the summer of 2020. My initial dealings with ROCD in 2020 left me bed-ridden for weeks, not wanting to eat or drink anything - just wanting to sleep it all away. It got to the point where I couldn’t decipher if what I was thinking were my true thoughts or my anxiety. From the moment I woke up until the moment I fell asleep. I was truly a prisoner of my own mind. It was such a painful and heartbreaking experience not only for myself, but for my fiancé and mother to witness as we didn’t know anything of ROCD then. It got to the point where for the first time in my life I voiced aloud wanting to die - just so I could shut my brain off and have peace. Since then I’ve been placed on medication and have been in and out of therapy. Until finding NOCD, I always felt therapists in my town (a small, southern part of the US) just didn’t quite understand what I was dealing with. I’m happy to be here on NOCD and giving ERP a try. It’s definitely different from any other therapy I’ve received in the past… but sometimes the sessions can be triggering. I’m currently dealing with a “flare up” right now. I constantly feel as if I have one foot out the door in my relationship. I constantly think of people from my past. Two in particular. I chalk it up to never having closure (maybe?)… but then I’ll have intrusive thoughts. Playing out scenarios in my mind, making myself anxious and doubting my current relationship - knowing that the odds of these scenarios actually happening in real life are practically non-existent. I’m triggered by topics of marriage, couples that we’re friends with being on the outs, etc. It’s so painful to deal with. I say ALL of this to say, other than meeting with my NOCD therapist, I’ve considered doing the group ROCD therapy that meets every Wednesday via the app… but I’m really anxious about it. All because of this belief that if I speak what I’m going through into existence, then it’s true. I’ve also never shared my story face to face with people in a public setting like that before. I tend to be pretty private. I’m able to post this because for those who see it, you don’t know who I am and you cannot see me and vice versa. So, if anyone’s ever sat in on a group NOCD therapy session - would you be so kind as to give your girl some relief or tips to approaching it for the first time? I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you!

Relationship OCD

Username: mariajmariaj

Date posted: 2y ago

Hi there, so sorry to hear what you're going through 😔 I attended that group for the first time this week, and I wasn't comfortable sharing my experience so I didn't I just listened, and it was helpful hearing other people who have the same/similar thoughts and struggles. The group is moderated by a NOCD therapist and basically whoever wants to at the start can introduce themselves and how rocd shows up for them, and then people can ask questions and get advice from the others in the group. I was also super anxious before attending, and it was kind of an exposure for me really to go because I was so afraid I'd go and in hearing others stories would realise I don't have ocd/rocd (love it when ocd plays that card) but the session was super welcoming, friendly, everyone was really supportive and I'm so glad I went and will definitely be going back. Hope this helps and maybe see you at the group next week 😊 it's also a nice way to get some support in between therapy sessions

Username: Littleducky5Littleducky5

Date posted: 2y ago

I had the same experience. I attended the one for SOOCD and was super anxious that other people's symptoms would be different than mine and I would walk away thinking I was definitely a lesbian. But it was very welcoming and other people's stories sounded like mine!

Username: KLN2008KLN2008

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you so much for sharing! I really do appreciate it.

Username: Hope1Hope1

Date posted: 2y ago

I havnt sat in a group but I do no whete your coming from ylwith ROCD no appetite just constantly terrified of everything I understand you completely its so so difficult

Username: KLN2008KLN2008

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you for your response. It’s always nice to know we’re not alone. I wanted to share this article with you. My therapist sent it to me a couple weeks ago and it’s a go-to whenever I have a flare up. It speaks so well on ROCD. I’m hoping this helps some and brings you a little peace. https://www.sheppardpratt.org/news-views/story/relationship-ocd-rocd/

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I’ve been severely struggling with ROCD as well, and also had those same feels about if I speak what my thoughts and fears or doubts are, then they’re true. The decision is up to you on whether you’d like to go to that group about it, but I don’t think you have to feel like you have to share everything. From my experience, you can simply sit in and listen, and share as much or as little as you’d like. It’s not therapy, and it’s not a place to go to seek assurance, but it is nice to see that others have experienced what you’re going through as it operates as a support group.

Username: KLN2008KLN2008

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you so much for sharing! I really do appreciate it! :)

Username: thejent

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Introduction

Hi Everyone, I am new to the group and was diagnosed with OCD in December 2021. I struggle with harm and relationship OCD. I have limited social/emotional support from my partner (this is a work in progress) and I am trying to do all I can to heal/recover, so I am posting here on the reccomendation of my NOCD therapist. Although I experienced rumination and obsessive thinking for years, intense anxiety and past trauma brought on intrusive thought symptoms several months ago. This is my first time talking openly in a forum like this about my OCD.

Harm OCD

Username: LochNess

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

SO-OCD and ROCD

WALL OF TEXT INCOMING (sorry)! Hello, I hope everyone is doing well and are managing their OCD symptoms well. I have a question concerning SO-OCD and ROCD. A little background first: I developed SO-OCD (have been to therapy here at NOCD and therapist says I meet criteria for OCD and SAD so far) I can't really pinpoint when exactly this developed, but it seemed to have happened when I got depressed, lost interest in sex, then convinced myself that I lost interest in sex because I must be gay despite the rational part of my brain knowing that I haven't desired to be with the same-sex before. It spiraled into heavy rumination, obsessive thoughts and then avoidance. My long-term relationship ended (got cheated on) and that sent me down even further. I've always had low self-esteem, but this killed any semblance I had left. I couldn't sleep, had persistent anxiety, and just felt like my brain exploded from the shock of it all. It's been around 2 years since this ramped up, and it has felt like absolute hell on earth. Lately, my SO-OCD seems to not be triggered so heavily (not getting as highly anxious of the thoughts, and have noticed the thoughts slowing down in overall frequency and have been able to dismiss them easier than before), but I think I have started taking a liking to a gal the past few months, but don't trust my sense of feelings anymore. Some examples: 1) I think I have felt butterflies? But not sure if it is or just anxiety. 2) I am terrified of getting intimate or sexual (fear of embarrassment, or perhaps my "member" not working when the time comes) despite thinking about getting intimate with this lady. 3) Doubting that I actually have feelings toward her (thinking that maybe I'm just trying to force the relationship because I don't want the OCD to be true). Has anyone dealt with this with similar themes? It feels like my SO-OCD has kind of merged with ROCD or transitioning from one to the other. I have a tendency now to expect arousal from every close interaction with a potential partner and if it doesn't happen (like if we give each other a hug after work) then I doubt my attraction despite having been aroused simply by touch previously. I know it sounds goofy, but I think about it every-single-time ("welp, i wasnt aroused that time. I must not be attracted to her!"). It's all a lot to handle when trying to navigate a potential relationship and fear I'll never overcome this intense anxiety to sex/intimacy. So I avoid getting too close or putting myself in situations where these things could occur. Thank you if you've made it this far. This was tough to put out there, but I'd love to hear others thoughts. Again, I hope all is well for everyone and stay strong out there.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 50w ago

First time sharing my ROCD

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. This past year we were at the best place we have ever been which honestly isn’t saying too because we’ve always had a pretty healthy relationship but last year we took a lot of big steps together. Moving in together, spending more time with each other’s family, sharing milestones like graduation with each other and our families. At some point I started getting real nit picky. Analyzing everything that he did. Constantly checking if I found him attractive. Comparing him and our relationship to what people around us looked like. It started to feel like everything he did I found a flaw in and it made me feel horrible. I’m with the best guy ever and he is so dedicated and loving. I would push these thoughts away, try and pray them away and that would work for a while. Eventually it felt like I was going insane. Things that I never( in all my years of dating) cared about now seemed to be all that I could focus on. I started measuring my attraction to everyone ( people who before this I never even gave a second thought to). I just wish I knew why it’s like this now or what triggered the intrusive thoughts. It makes me wonder if I’m settling but then I don’t feel like anything about him could ever be considered settling. I’m constantly praying for a sign or divine intervention. It wasn’t until I stumbled across a TikTok post that described Relationship Anxiety that I finally felt seen, like to a T every detail described what I’ve been feeling and doing. I’m not sure how ROCD differers from Relationship Anxiety but I’m hoping that by finally sharing and not holding this all in I can start to face and conquer this.

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