What is POCD like for you?

This is what I have experienced so it might be different for you….. A few years ago I noticed I kept having weird, strange intrusive thoughts about my niece who was maybe 9 or 10 at the time maybe 8 I don’t really remember. I would get so anxious and afraid that they would stick and they wouldn’t go away. I started getting them about other people at work or younger people at restaurants and drive throughs that work like 15 or 16 and I would get so incredibly triggered that I would avoid even looking at people. I would avoid all eye contact and if I had to talk to them, I would keep it very short. I didn’t want to be around my niece either and it broke me because she means so much to me. So then I started to question myself. I was absolutely terrified that I was turning into a monster. I wanted to be a music teacher a few years ago but then I knew for sure I couldn’t do it. So I struggled big time for a while before I got help. I came across some articles when looking up my symptoms (which don’t ever do it’s not a good idea and it will make the ocd worse trust me) and I read about OCD and the themes and found out about POCD. Of course I didn’t know for sure because I wasn’t diagnosed at the time but I came across NOCD and signed up and noticed so many posts about people who had the same symptoms like me and I felt a little better but I needed to talk to a professional. I ended up not getting a therapist because my mom didn’t believe I needed one after I had told her everything, she was very unsupportive and misunderstood the entire thing and said that I couldn’t diagnose myself so I took it upon myself to call NOCD again and go through the process of finding a therapist, set the date for my appointment and then I waited a few days. They got me a therapist very quickly and unfortunately they don’t take my insurance but I didn’t care because I wanted an answer as to why I was going through all of this. I was terrified to bring up the pocd details to my therapist because I didn’t know if she knew about it or could help me so I slowly started talking about it as she was asking me questions and she told me about the theme and what happens when you have it like groinal response, anxiety, intrusive thoughts images and urges and so on and I was so surprised and by the end of the diagnosis appointment she said I had OCD. I felt so overwhelmed but relieved because now I finally had proof. So over the last 3 years dealing with pocd I learned ERP which is the most effective treatment for OCD and my therapist would talk to me about what was going on and we would do exposers that would build up a hierarchy of the things that bothered me from 1 to 10 and work through them. I would try and ask so many questions on this app and realized I was starting to get worse. I started getting other themes like Harm OCD, Sexual Orientation OCD, False Memory OCD and what I struggle with the most now Real Event OCD with pocd (because OCD attacks your morals and values and twists it to make you question your reality). I ended up losing my therapist because she got laid off I believe and I got another therapist a few months later, started taking medication and she is absolutely amazing and so helpful and is currently giving me the tools to deal with Real Event OCD and guilt and I have noticed since a few years ago when I started having symptoms that I am doing much better with not avoiding, I can be around my niece and other children in my family (and actually type the word children) and yes it’s going to be hard, you are going to want to give up and the pain will hurt but I can tell you, there is treatment, there is a light at the end of the tunnel but you need to work for it. It’s not going to just go away. Do ERP I promise you will see results. I am not a professional and I can’t give the best advice but I can give you what I have experienced myself. You are not alone and if anyone else reading this is dealing with ocd or this theme particularly, you are not alone either. I guarantee it. I have gotten to the point I wanted to give up because I can NEVER accept the thought of being something I’m not. But with using ERP and getting the right information from a professional, it’s so worth fighting. Do not ever give up. You matter. You deserve to live the best life. Get help if needed. Reach out to NOCD. Watch Chrissie Hodges on YouTube if you haven’t already she has a couple videos about POCD and she is so helpful and caring. Nathan Peterson is a good one too. OCD stories and I believe another podcast I can’t think of that’s OCD related are so good as well and they talk about a variety of themes. Everything will get better. Sending prayers 🙏🏻

I have suffered from POCD from I was around 17-18. I am 26 now! I firstly got it when I was this age when a random thought about my cousin who was only 2 years old at the time, which shocked and sickened me to the core. I couldn’t understand why I ever thought this thought. Because I was so young I believe my brain might have been more resilient to the thoughts , not even sure if that makes sense but I read OCD gets worse as it goes on and especially because I didn’t get diagnosed until this year! Anyway I was able to maintain these thoughts and didn’t care about them until 2019 I got another flare up and this time it was about another cousin who was only a baby and I knew that these were just intrusive thoughts as I pushed them away and was able to get better, well so I thought, got a new job etc made new friends. I have been really happy this past 2 years despite everything that went on with covid, and have been in a really happy relationship for 2 years. My newest ocd flare up was in July and I didn’t care too much about it but there at the end of September has been the worst flare up I have ever got in my life, to the point where I fully believed that I was what I feared. It was only then I was able to open up to my mum, then decided to get treatment to deal with these thoughts. So I am now attending a therapist and starting CBT ❤️ I have good and bad days like this morning I just kept dwelling on a thought but the more I thought about it it was almost as if I was drowning the thought of that makes sense? I am not completely better feeling, I still check for groinals and also feel aware of children in my presence but recently my intrusive thoughts have not been bad. I think it is because I know deep down that these thoughts are not me although at times OCD will convince you otherwise. My best advice is to sit through the thoughts, as hard as that sounds and try and not investigate/ make sense of them. A thought is a thought. We can’t control our thoughts. The fact we feel so anxious and sick with intrusive thoughts is because it is completely against what we value or believe. I hope you get better and hope this story helps you ❤️

Thank you so much appreciated it this a lot. I tend to do ERP so I can get my mind straight I really hope it helps me. your awesome God bless