recovery!

so i have been in a space where i no longer do compulsions, sometimes i feel the need to but i simply don’t and wow does it feel so powerful. it have got to the point where not doing the compulsion eases the anxiety more than doing the compulsion because i know that i am making progress and am not relying on patterns, repetition etc to get rid of my thoughts or reduce the anxiety they give me in any way and it is so so freeing. i finally feel like my own person again. when i have a thought and i can feel my brain getting “sticky” (my brain latching onto a thought) i simply say “let it go over your head” and let it pass over like a cloud and this is how i now deal with not interacting with my thoughts. i see no meaning in them now and that doesn’t mean it doesn’t catch me off guard sometimes, harm is the subtype that i struggle with most now along with existentialism but not nearly to the extent that i used to. both sexuality and gender are near gone, a memory of a point in time and i can easily let those thoughts go over my head. i have days where the thoughts have no volume whatsoever but i still feel their presence sometimes through out my day and that is only normal! and a bad day does not tarnish you’re progress, this was another thing that i struggled with, a classic perfectionist with ocd :’) if you’re working through recovery or haven’t quite gotten there yet, you will! it is hard but so worth it. if i can do it, you can too! you’re not alone!🤍 (people often ask me whether i take medication for ocd and the answer is no, i never have) i hope you’re having a great day wherever you are in the world! :)