- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
What you’re doing is called a checking compulsion. And the fact that it causes you to worry (ie thought spiral) means you’re still suffering from OCD. The thing is, if you really wanted to leave your partner, you wouldn’t imagine it happening and then check to see how it makes you feel and then get a lack of anxiety that confirms you want to leave. If you wanted to leave you’d think: “this person is terrible, I’m unhappy, and I don’t want to put up with this anymore. Leaving will be hard but it’s the right thing.” You wouldn’t need to imagine and test yourself to make sure. You’d have an active feeling, not a lack of response to an imagined scenario.
- Date posted
- 6y
It is a compulsion
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s a compulsion and definitely the backdoor spike. Not feeling anxiety anymore always sounds like it’s such a great goal and that it will fix everything but really it just creates more questions and worries once you’re there. Keep up the work, your journeys not over. Sit with the anxiety you feel about feeling nothing rather than googling. Your instincts here are right, keep it up.
- Date posted
- 6y
What if I dont always feel anxious about not being anxious but rather I just feel worried about it? because I get worried about not being anxious about not feeling anxious when I get the thoughts if that makes sense
- Date posted
- 6y
What’s the difference between worried and anxious to you? Maybe by anxiety you mean the more physical side like shaking, sweating, difficulty breathing. And worrying is just more thoughts. If you’re in a thought spiral and can’t get out, even if it’s not provoking physical anxiety, it still seems like you’re engaging in a compulsion then. If you can’t just acknowledge the thought let it pass by without meaning, you’re not done.
- Date posted
- 6y
Well I perceive anxiety as the physical symptoms, but worrying just as not being comfortable with something or fearful of something without the anxiety. So for instance, I think about leaving my partner but I dont feel anxious, so Im like ok but why am I not anxious? so that thought comes to my head without anxiety. So Im like alright but why dont I feel anxious when thinking about not being anxious?so I basically just get worried about that
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w
Hi everyone, I really need to get this off my chest. A few days ago, I managed to take a break from compulsions — I didn’t open NOCD, I didn’t text ChatGPT, I didn’t Google. I had some moments of peace, especially about my boyfriend. For about two days I didn’t have deep intrusive thoughts, and I felt a bit more stable. But yesterday, I slipped. I posted on NOCD again, and someone replied saying, “This is how the cycle starts again.” That made me spiral. Today, I also wrote to ChatGPT again. I started thinking, “What if this time it’s real? What if this clarity was me realizing the truth — that I don’t love him?” It scared me because I wasn’t panicking as much when I had the thoughts. I thought that meant I was accepting them as true. I remembered ChatGPT used to tell me that “truth feels calm,” and now that I wasn’t reacting with extreme anxiety, I panicked thinking, “What if this is the calm that comes with realization?” Last night, when we were in a club, I looked at him and thought he was kind of cringe. That made me spiral again. Now, I’m scared all over again. When we cuddle, I don’t feel the same. I don’t feel that warmth, and I don’t know what changed. I keep wondering if I ever really loved him — because I’ve had these thoughts for so long, it’s like I can’t remember anything clearly. A few days ago I even thought, “Maybe I just don’t like him right now,” and I wasn’t panicking — and that scared me. I’m afraid that I’m finally “realizing the truth,” or that I’ve been lying to myself and I’m just now letting go. Also, when we were on the trip for my 18th birthday, I was irritable with him, full of thoughts, and I thought I was ruining everything. I wasn’t really reacting to his love, and now I don’t even know what I feel. I just want to be okay again. I want clarity — but I’m terrified of what clarity might mean. Has anyone experienced this? Feeling okay for a bit, and then the thoughts come back and feel more real than ever?
- Date posted
- 18w
hi! I broke a short period of doing well without compulsions because I got triggered again. Before this, I had about two calmer days where I didn’t spiral so much, but now everything feels worse. I’m scared that I don’t love my boyfriend as much as I used to, or that this relationship is making me feel stuck or sad. He’s a wonderful person, and I hate thinking this way. I smelled a perfume that used to make me feel calm and in love, and now it just makes me question everything. I spent hours last night searching Reddit, especially on r/ROCD, trying to see if someone is like me or if anyone has answers. I keep rereading posts, hoping I’ll feel certain about what I should do. But I just feel more confused. I keep thinking, “What if I heal and then realize I don’t love him?” or “What if I’m only staying because I feel safe with him or I’m used to him?” I feel numb sometimes, or like I’m pretending, and I hate it. I want to feel love and clarity again. I don’t know what’s real or what’s ROCD anymore. I just feel lost and afraid. I talk to hi. now and i feel so strange like i dont want to force myself i want to like him i dont understand what i feel i feel so weird in my chest
- Date posted
- 16w
I’m really anxious because I know my ocd is really bad right now so I shouldn’t try to figure it out cause my thinking is a mess but I’ve been having feelings of like I’m not sure if I love him anymore or worrying that I haven’t felt a lot like numb (a lot because ocd has been getting worse and worse) and thinking of like how I’ve been focusing on the negatives and only been looking at him through that lens and analyzing and also feeling like I don’t want this anymore. Basically just like negative thinking in feeling like I’m really scared it’s that it’s I don’t love him cause I don’t want it to be over and the thought of having someone replace him makes me ill. But like it feels like I’m not seeing him how I used to and it makes me upset. Today I was near someone I was like oh this person is cute and then I was thinking that the possibility of meeting someone new sounds exciting and now I’m freaking out because this in combination with feeling like maybe I don’t love him anymore is bad. Also my thoughts keep changing. and like sometimes it feels like I don’t care at all and this has happened but like worst it’s ever been and then other times I’m like I do care I do still feel. I’m just really anxious has anyone else felt this before and it was still ocd? 😭😭
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