Feeling isolated by intrusive thoughts and seeking support and understanding.

At this point I’m pretty sure I’m psychotic. I have intrusive thoughts all day long of me doing a bunch of things that I never and will never do. Images of me poking out my own eyes in all sorts of other horrific things that will have to do with self mutilation. These images have been haunting me for two years with the persisting fear that I will act out on these things one day despite me never wanting to do so. Now on top of these thoughts I am dealing with something else. I keep thinking about the fact that there’s no escape from life other than death and it makes me feel scared and trapped. I can’t stop thinking about this that there’s no escape. It’s scaring me. I want to live I have no desire to die but once I get the intrusive thought about not being able to escape this life is scaring me. I believe I’m going through depersonalization because nothing feels right my surroundings feel unfamiliar I feel unfamiliar. I feel like an alien in a place that seems unknown to me. This all started after I had a panic attack in the shower three weeks ago over my intrusive harm thoughts and in the moment I actually thought that my life was over and that I was about to act out on it but of course I didn’t because it’s just a thought and an obsessive fear. Something I would never do but it felt so real in that momentI almost passed out from the fear. The day after that I felt like nothing was real and I’m still in depersonalization and having panic attacks on the regular but today I got that thought about not being able to escape life and how we’re basically all trapped here. I can’t stop thinking it and it’s making me feel sick. Maybe if I Felt more connected to myself and my surroundings stuff like this wouldn’t bother me but that panic attack destroyed me. Does this sound like OCD or something else?I was completely normal and fine three weeks ago yes I had my intrusive thoughts but they weren’t scaring me or controlling me like they are now.

Hello I am new to this application. I am 34 years old and I’m not sure if I have OCD but I’ve noticed that the last two weeks I have been having these horrible thoughts I can’t believe I am having them. It makes me so sad and scared and I can’t seem to stop crying. I’m going on week two feeling this way and can’t seem to get myself out of it. How can I possibly have thoughts about harming my child? They are the precious gift from God. They’re my flesh and bone how can I?? The anxiety I get every day has turned into having it all day and night, just the thought of How I can could possibly think of such thing, now followed by depression and lack of sleep. I have never had this problem ever up until now. I can’t even watch any crime shows or the news because it spikes my anxiety. I can’t even look at anything like knives, guns because it causes me major distress.

I am so upset. I really always knew somewhere deep down i wasn’t a terrible human being but over the past 2 weeks something changed, i stopped having anxiety drastically and now have much more difficulty not believing thoughts. it feels like they are real. and i just don’t understand how i could be so repulsed by something the day before this happened and now feel nothing, i’m terrified. i’m 17. i feel like it’s all over. i’ve had periods where i lost clarity before but they came back but for the past weeks i’ve just been stuck and i can’t cope and i can’t explain it and i’m not sure what to do. i feel like these past 2 ish years of dealing with it are all a lies. but it just doesn’t make sense, i want to feel disgust not clarity? and now i feel no hope. i was supposed to get a diagnosis soon but it just feels like everything changed so quickly. how is this possible? im so upset and i can’t breathe or think and im terrified all at the same time as feeling nothing. it doesn’t feel like back door spike it just feels real. im a lost cause, i can’t do this anymore… i wanted to be good and now i feel like im what i feared. please help? i don’t know if this is ocd?