Help?

My OCD isn’t based around a specific theme, my anxiety is fuelled from any thought that is distressing to me (it could be faces, numbers, lyrics or disturbing) at any random time. I feel like I have to make the thought have purpose or I will be abnormal. So I will ruminate until I am comfortable with each thought and they keep piling up, which I know is the OCD cycle. My compulsions is to make the thoughts just right in my own way for the anxiety to go down. However, I am scared of my thoughts getting worse on their own if I just leave them and not realising what is an intrusive thought anymore. I cannot seem to go on with my day unless I ruminated. These thoughts happen anywhere, literally brushing my teeth, having a shower, sex, reading etc. What scares me is that the thoughts have no theme like I said, it just seems to anything intrusive that distresses me! I don’t seem to worry about an actual thing, just about having Intrusive thoughts themselves because I can’t focus on tasks, they always come and I get so anxious! I can’t live like a normal person. Please if you have anything that could help me from your knowledge, I am all ears!! ❤️

Username: mikegrillimikegrilli

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Look up Chrissie Hodges on YouTube. Sounds like you’re struggling the way she did. Hodges is a ocd advocate coach and a regular on the ocd stories podcast.

Username: taantaan

Date posted: 1y ago

hi sha123! i am here to tell you that you are not alone. i experience these thoughts on a daily basis and it is about anything. especially when i start to feel okay. it seems that my brain always has to be worrying or feeling anxious/guilty about something. i experience this around the people that i love the most! my brain will give me these thoughts and i will immediately freak out. i know how bad it is to have THAT feeling. i recommend you use some meditation! you can find some on youtube for like 10 minutes and try your best to focus on your breathing and/or your surroundings. i also like to remind myself that i am not the voice in my head. i am not the thoughts that come to my brain. they do not have to hace any meaning unless i put meaning to them. i am rooting for you, friend! sending hugs.

Username: sha123sha123

Date posted: 1y ago

@nat19 I really want to meditate. I used to meditate as a teen before OCD and it was my escape. Now I could only dream of it! I feel like I’d have a panic attack trying to meditate now. I don’t think I’d be strong enough to not ruminate😭

Username: ScoobertdoobertScoobertdoobert

Date posted: 1y ago

The rumination is the part that I struggle with the most but I didn’t realize that for a long time. I used to be in your shoes, I would have distressing thoughts and feel the need to ruminate on them until I could find a way to look at the thought that just “sits right with me” (I tend to be very philosophical in nature). But every time I found a way to make the thought sit right with me my brain would come up with a way to make me anxious about the way that I reframed the thought. This eventually lead me to thoughts that were extremely difficult to make “sit right”, I would try to keep track of every single thought so that I could address them one by one some day. Eventually I became so overwhelmed by all the thoughts I felt I needed to keep track of that I felt like a jumbled mess, but that’s what it took for me to realize that the thoughts are just thoughts, and that ruminating on them never helped. It’s not like this realization just clicked for me, it took ~realizing~ it many many times for my felt need to ruminate to subside. This thought experiment really helped shape my perception of thinking: - take a look at a cloud and just look at it, then take note of when your brain tells you that it looks like a turtle (or something like that), then realize that you didn’t choose to think that the cloud looked like anything; your inner chatter just decided to comment. Lol. Thoughts just come and go with the wind - kind of like clouds.

Username: sha123sha123

Date posted: 1y ago

@Scoobertdoobert I absolutely agree with everything you said! It’s just so hard to take it on board in the actual moment. Especially when my thoughts don’t even relate to anything. Like an example I could think of a face, and then I’d have to attach a meaning like a memory or something about the person so I don’t feel weird for randomly thinking about them. But then my brain likes to connect things and it becomes a big jumbled mess. My brain loves actual sentences and words, and I notice myself trying to make rearrange them until it’s just right. Like, if it was just when I was doing nothing, I’d understand as brains wonder. But the fact that it happens when I try to do normal things and it interferes to be a functioning human, this is where I realise I need help. Like, I can’t even do the dishes without a hundred bloody thoughts! And it takes twice as long to do it with ruminating as I need to ruminate before I finish what I’m actually doing. Sorry for the long comment, I just wanted to help make some sense of my messed up head😭 Thank you so much for your input and time to talk to me about it🥹

Username: ScoobertdoobertScoobertdoobert

Date posted: 1y ago

@sha123 Ahh I see, and yes ofc no problem! A little bit different than my version of “just right” but I think I see where you’re coming from. Out of curiosity, what is it about the meditation that would freak you out?

Username: sha123sha123

Date posted: 1y ago

@Scoobertdoobert Yeah haha sorry! I just try to make the thoughts feel just right to me so I can move on with my day. Ruminating to make them good enough for me to let them go. And meditation just seems like a big no for my anxiety levels! I can barely let thoughts pass when I’m busy with day to day things never mind just sitting there trying to let them be! I don’t think I could sit there without ruminating. It would be like torture. Which I know is a part of recovery, but I don’t think I could handle meditation right now. I wish I was stronger😢

Username: notfortalk

Date posted: 5y ago

I need to know if someone else experience this because I think this may be the root of some of my ocd themes. So basically even when I don't really have a theme going on I get intrusive thoughts of different topics. For example if I'm reading an article about a person with ADHD my mind tells that maybe I have adhd and because if I had I'd be different, and it feels like I want to even though I don't do because I know how destressing it is to live with such disorders and who would ever want to develop a disorder like that. I get intrusive thoughts like about illnesses, identities and other things and my mind says that I have to have those things because they would make me different and my mind wanted me to be different in that way. And it felt like I wanted those things even tho I know how terrible they affect people and didn't really wanted to have them. Now it tells me the same thing about gender and sexuality that I have to be different in that way while I don't and it's causing me hocd right now. I guess this is my final answer but I wanted to know if somebody else experienced something like this. Like sometimes I get depressive episodes because of my anxiety and ocd but once I became obsessed with the idea of having chronic severe depression and I got so anxious but then felt relieved when I didn't but then my intrusive thoughts would pop up here and there

Username: Blue_Bambi

Date posted: 1y ago

Stressed/ need advice?

Good morning just wanted to vent a little so the theme I struggled/ still struggling with? I don’t even know if am or if it’s just not as bad or what but the theme I struggle with is Schizophrenia OCD and I’ve just been noticing I’m hyper vigilant of random thoughts ? Like I’ll be reading something on fb or watching tv and a random thought or word will pop into my head that has nothing to do at all with what I’m doing at the moment and also just remembering random memories too that have nothing to do with what I’m currently doing. I noticed it happens way more often when I’m stressed out or anxious. I’m pretty sure yesterday morning I got triggered and that’s when the random thoughts and everything started again. It’s just annoying because now that I know I struggle with that theme so I’m not thinking as often “oh I probably have schizophrenia” but I’m still too focused on the random thoughts and words that pop up and it won’t be anything bad at all actually I’ll just be random words that I heard earlier from like a show or movie or video I was watching. It’s just really annoying and kind of stressful I was just wondering if anyone has gone through this and has any tips ??

Username: G.M

Date posted: 44w ago

I need to rant

Hi, so I’ve been dealing with OCD for the past four years intrusive thoughts and all. At first it started with being scared of panic attacks then the thoughts went to being scared I’d harm myself and now they’re associated around harming other people especially my family which is very very scary. It feels like I’m deeply rooted a bad person. I can’t even tell anyone my thoughts. It also makes me confused on if I want these thoughts. I’m not even sure if I have any compulsions bc I try to just ignore the thoughts and distract myself. Lately I’ve noticed my anxiety getting a lot worse Notjhing seems to calm it down anymore and I just want to stay alone in my bed and make it all go away. I’m scared I’m scared of myself and I’m scared these thoughts could happen one day and I’m scared I want them. Sometimes my thoughts can make me feel like that… does anyone have any good resources im doing ERP but it’s so expensive. I haven’t tried medication but I want to I’m just scared it will make me worse or make me gain weight. But I’m at the point where I’m desperate and something needs to change bc I can’t live like this. I feel like I’m fighting my thoughts all day. And one second I feel confident I’m ok and the next my whole body gets hot and I feel like it’s all possible and I want these thoughts. Someone please give me advice?

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