eating disorder

i feel so fucking trapped i feel so clueless what to do because ive been eatinf for the past 3 days and i feel like im not supposed to and im gaining weight even though im walking 9 miles a day and i dont know what to do because i’m doing everything i fucking can to lose weight and nothings working and im so terrified and i wish i could tell someone in my family and i just woke up to check my weight and i’m barely less lbs than yesterday and i HAVE to be losing weight or im doing something wrong and i am but its barely anything and im just so obsessed with calories and im starting to get obsessed with macros and its so fucking bad and i just feel myself falling deeper into the hole and i cant do anything about it. im crying so hard because im so tired of living like this constantly with no one close ro talk to about it. im having a hard time working out lately since its so cold out and so i have to use the treadmill inside but my ocd makes me constantly paranoid if people in my house can hear me or see me on the treadmill and im on it for like 2+ hours so i want to skip doing it because im constantly checking behind me and i cant ljsten to music when i have to check if people are coming out of their bedrooms but i cant take a break from working out since i know im gaining weight for some reason. i just wish i fasted those days i told myself i should have eaten. im so mad at myself for everything and i wish my body made sense to me. im going to kbbq tonight and its why im having this breakdown because i should be losing weight but its gonna make me gain weight. i dont want to go i really really dont want to go but i cant tell my friend that. i just dont want to go to any social outings ever again because they all make me gain weight. im so scared i dont know what to do i just want to go back to starving myself because its the safest option. im so sick of seeing the number on the scale go up and i just feel so fucking defeated

Username: Erin PErin P

Date posted: 1y ago

I agree with everything Anonymous said m. I also had an eating disorder.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

I suffered from an eating disorder, for many many years. Wasn’t until recently that I learned that they are closely linked to ocd. I think you would greatly benefit from speaking to a therapist that is knowledgeable in eating disorders. I’ve been there and it is a dark lonely place. Please get help for yourself.

Username: FactsOverFearFactsOverFear

Date posted: 1y ago

A lot of the behaviors you are engaging in aren't healthy. Constantly exercising, restricting your eating, counting calories are all compulsive behaviors. Your body NEEDS food in order to survive. You can do major damage to your organs if you're not getting the proper nutrients. I'm not trying to scare you, but I am trying to tell you the reality of the situation because I've had eating problems before and I can tell you that it leads down a bad path if you're not careful. There can be a lot of reasons why you're not losing weight - hormones, thyroid, etc. If you want to lose weight in a healthy way, I would suggest going to a dietician like I did. They can calculate your weight, body mass, etc for your age and height and then tell you what the "normal" weight range is. They can also give you suggestions on what to eat. This sounds like a scary time for you, and I'm really hoping that you reach out and get the help you need. This is a big battle to deal with by yourself!

Username: 🪸🪅🪗🪸🪅🪗

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous this made me wanna cry in class cause it made me feel so comforted thank you. i promise your comment is gonna be read more than once from me cause it’s exactly what i need to hear when im struggling

Username: FactsOverFearFactsOverFear

Date posted: 1y ago

@Jonas ^_^ - Aw, now I'm gonna want to cry! I'm so glad that it made you feel comforted. If you need any food recommendations or exercise recommendations please feel free to let me know! I've been through this and I'm OK, so you will be too!

Username: Allie BAllie B

Date posted: 1y ago

Have you ever talked to a therapist about binge eating disorder/orthorexia? I struggled with binge eating disorder from about age 14 until about 35. I listened to a couple podcasts on it and they actually really helped me too but first thing you definitely need to address that with someone. Then you guys will work on calming your mind down. It will get better. Hang in there for now.

Username: 🪸🪅🪗🪸🪅🪗

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous this isnt binge eating

Username: 🪸🪅🪗🪸🪅🪗

Date posted: 1y ago

i literally have no idea what to do. the best option would to be to fast today but i have to go to this so do i just gain more weight???? i cant forgive myself for that but this is gonna be the last time in awhile i’ll HAVE to go out to eat. i just have to make it through tonight feeling guilty and then i can fast as much as i want. and as for working out maybe i can talk to my sister about it. i hate her knowing about my problems but its a serious one that maybe she can help. i hate when she works from home because i love complete privacy when walking on the treadmill and i never feel fully elevated from stress or insecurity when someones home while im doing it, even if theyre in their rooms doing something or sleeping

Username: 🪸🪅🪗🪸🪅🪗

Date posted: 1y ago

or maybe it will be warm enough to walk outside yes ok ill just walk outside. but then through all of this i will still weigh more than i did 2 days ago PLUS i will have to eat a lot later today… i hate my life so fucking much

Username: anna banana

Date posted: 5y ago

hey guys, anyone with eating disorders or body dysmorphia? ive had certain habits for a long, long time but ive started seeing them through a different light now. i usually try and starve myself to stay unbloated and skinny looking, and usually after a while i get so hungry that i binge eat. after the binge is over, i either drink excessive amounts of coffee (to work like laxatives) or i starve for days on end to “make up” for it. in all honesty, i would just throw up if it wasnt for a surreal fear of vomiting (only way emetophobia has been good for me ever) about half of the time i feel good about my looks, weight, body, face and all that, but the rest of the time i feel like i look disgusting, and thats where the starving comes in, and excessive grooming habits to cover my flaws. all of this was way worse a couple of years ago, and then it got way better, but along with all of this ocd this has gotten worse again. i feel like the way the “eating disorder” habits and the “body dysmorphia” plays out kind of look like an ocd cycle (sorry for self diagnosing, i dont know if i actually have these) another thing that i know for sure is very unhealthy is the amount of shame and embarrassment i have towards my body. i feel i “have” to do so many things to cover up, prevent or get ready for certain events or plans. overall, any time i need to be proper or any bodypart of mine has a role in something, i get so stressed to the point of panic attacks. i nearly had a burnout when i was seeing this guy for two months (my first time dating someone) from just sheer stress. before meeting up with him i would panic for hours, and still would while being with him. i barely got to enjoy the good times.

"Pure" OCD

Username: tonka

Date posted: 4y ago

Content note: disordered eating Seeking advice I've gained some weight during the lockdown and it's causing me considerable distress. Food and weight are on my mind all the time and I've started obsessively counting calories and weighing myself. I know this is a really dangerous slope but don't really know how to deal with this theme. I'm really distressed about how out of control I am of my own body. Any advice on stopping this in its tracks would be greatly appreciated ?

Username: 🪸🪅🪗

Date posted: 2y ago

TW for eating disorder

i definitely think my eating disorder is caused from my ocd, if not only spurring it on. it feels so good to have such a rigid routine on myself. it feels grounding, but exhausting as well. its so fucking tiring being so strict on myself every second of every day but if i ever went off track i would no doubt think about it for like 3 whole days in paranoia of what the affects will be later and how i’ll get rid of it. i fucking hate it. i cant help but check my weight multiple times a day; if i don’t i feel panicked and lost. sorry this is a post about an ED but i do genuinely think if i didn’t have OCD i probably wouldn’t have this. if this isn’t appropriate to post let me know

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