I have real event OCD. I didn’t even know this had a name. This is the WORST kind of OCD there is by far. I’m saying this not as in “mine’s worse than yours” I’m saying this because I’ve had so many different types of OCD; seriously think of one I’ve probably had it. And while they were all out of this world AWFUL. This one is by far the worst because you can’t reason with yourself. Plus what I did is so bad I can’t forgive myself.

I do too. And it feels awful, but if you go into looking for reassurance and ruminate around the compulsion, when you finally solve it or "forgive yourself", your brain will send you more situations you didn't even remember. Believe me - My bran started with one a year ago and I did so many compulsion s around it that it eventually accumulated to five real life events. It can be super overwhelming.

It is not about forgiving yourself - it is about accepting your humanity . Read about moral scrupulosity by Dr. Philipson - it's been very enlightening. He says that those of us with these type of obsessions have extremely high moral standards (super-human) and a very black and white thinking. Believe me, whatever you did is in the past and does not change who you are. You could have committed the most atrocious acts and I still wouldn't judge you.

I feel for you, my friend. And I completely understand. You could have killed somebody and I wouldn't judge you still. I am not saying you should be proud but you are a human and making mistakes is part of the human experience. People kill children in war and they come back home praised as heroes - good and bad, right and wrong ... The important thing is that you ARE a different person now.

Hi my dear friend. I believe I remember you saying in a post a while ago that you were a Christian. Is that true?

Catlady I do believe in God yes, and I have a hope that he will forgive me. My anxiety lies in the fact that I will never be able to tell people close to me what I did for a lot of reasons including but not limited to, if they forgive me I still wouldn’t want them to know and think of me differently which they would. And not being able to tell them makes me feel like a liar, like I’m not my real self. Especially in terms of my relationship. Like he would leave me. I wish this wasn’t true but it is, if my boyfriend told me he did what I did I would leave him.

I've had this, but it was not my worst OCD. Honestly--my contamination OCD has been my worst. And if you feel you owe your boyfriend a confession for something that awful...is it possible you really do need to tell him what's up?

FernandoV I did something pretty bad though. I didn’t kill anyone/anything. But if that’s a level 10 of “bad” (I think even this can be forgiven but I’m just using this as a lame example) And lets say making fun of someone and teasing the crap out of them to the point where they leave school or get depressed is a “6” on the scale then what I did is easily an 8 in terms of the “measurement” I just came up with.

Um no

Fernando you’re a kind soul