I can't stomach how I feel

I get these random feelings that feel like thoughts and they pierce my heart. I genuinely don't know what to do I feel so many complex polarizing feelings about one person. I question if I even like them as a friend, I get overwhelmed by their love. I want her to love me, I question if I am in love with her. I am jealous that she's moving on. I want her to give me attention. I know those things are wrong. I know she doesn't owe me anything. I know people are not utilities of attention. I know they aren't means to an end. So why do I feel these childish feelings? Why can't I just feel right?Why do I have to feel off? Why do I always have to do wrong things? Why can't I just be a good friend? Why can't I want to do to the right thing? Why can I not be brave? Why can I not sit alone with myself? I want to be saved, but I have to save myself. I have to accept the feeling, but can't stand it. Maybe this is making it worse. Because I am not letting the emotion go. I just can't stand it. It hurts to even feel. I want to pull it out of my heart, but it just feels like I am bleeding out when I start to pull.

HonestArtist

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

Hey friend, I feel like I sympathize with this. It sounds like you are really in it right now and you’re beating yourself up for not doing life right, or exposures right, or relationships right. I just want to remind you that you will not do everything “right”. You’re a fallible human and you need to give yourself some grace. It sounds like you might be grieving a loss and that’s normal. Grief is a part of life and it can suck to go through but I promise you will get better over time. You don’t need to be better right this very minute. Healing and growing takes time. I don’t know if you’re working with a therapist but keep doing the hard work. I understand that overwhelming discouraging feeling. Not gonna lie, I feel it today. But we can’t give up on ourselves. You are not alone in the struggle. I feel for you because the crazy influx of emotions and thoughts can be so troubling and exhausting. Do your best to sit with the thoughts and accept them. It doesn’t mean you have to like them, but I’ve found that sometimes accepting the feared scenario, though it’s scary at first, leads to greater healing over time. Then try to move on with your day, don’t let yourself just sit and ruminate. I pray for healing for you my friend and grace for yourself. You’re not alone.

Jesuslover28

Date posted: 21w ago

Idk what to do

I don't even know if I should put this here, but I have the greatest girlfriend in the whole world, and I love her very much, but my thoughts keep saying I'm going to hurt her, so I can hurt God and idk what to do, I feel so disgusted and idk what to do, and the worst part is why does some part of me just not even care idk what to do anymore, it's almost like I'm turning into this horrible person and idk what to do, I'm really not sure what to do. I have really been able to be happy I just feel like I don't deserve it and I want to care about people and God and I want to be a good person, but a part of me shuts off my caring nature and idk what to do, I'm really freaking out because it's like IDC and idk what to do I just feel so nasty and scared because why don't I feel like I care. Why does it feel like it's something I wanna do idk, what to do I'm really freaking worried. Also I don't want OCD but a part of me says I need it or I like these thoughts and idk what to do, as im writing this i just feel like laughing and idk what to do, i really judt want jesus to hug me and say everything will be alright, i am such a monster....

Mariabae

Date posted: 18w ago

I Feel Like a Liar Who Can’t Accept the Truth

Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling a lot with my thoughts and feelings about my boyfriend. He’s an amazing person—kind, loving, and supportive—but I constantly feel like I’m faking everything. It’s like I’m a liar pretending to love him, and deep down, I don’t actually want to be with him. Whenever he tells me he loves me or shows affection, I feel guilty because I think, What if I don’t love him back? It feels so real, like the truth is staring me in the face and I’m just refusing to accept it. I keep asking myself: Am I just staying with him because I’m used to him? What if I’ve never truly loved him? What if I’m a bad person for stringing him along? I don’t feel anything when we kiss or when he’s sweet to me, and that terrifies me. Sometimes I even feel irritated by him or like I don’t want to be around him, and then the guilt becomes unbearable because I know he doesn’t deserve that. This constant analyzing is taking over my life. I can’t even tell what’s real anymore. Am I lying to myself because I’m scared to face the truth? Or is this just my anxiety distorting everything? I feel like such a horrible person for even having these thoughts. If anyone has felt like this, please let me know how you managed to deal with it. I’m exhausted and just want to feel like myself again. he is also at my house amd i feel numb he tries to make me understand that i do like him and i feel so bad.

Mariabae

Date posted: 16w ago

i feel so bad about this i cant stop

Lately, I’ve been struggling with feelings that I might be sabotaging myself in my relationship. By sabotage, I mean that I find it hard to stop engaging in compulsions, like seeking reassurance or overanalyzing my thoughts. I also sometimes behave badly with my boyfriend, and the intrusive thoughts I have can completely change my mood. I love my boyfriend—he’s such a good, beautiful, and wonderful person—but I’m afraid these thoughts are going to ruin things. I truly want to love him, but I’m scared. I know the thoughts are anxiety-driven, but they still make me question if I’m forcing myself to stay with him. Today, for example, I felt okay earlier, but when he called me on video, I suddenly felt like I didn’t feel anything, and I started thinking I don’t like how he looks. These thoughts hit me like a wave, and I panicked. Usually, I find him very attractive, but when these thoughts come, I feel sad and disconnected. What’s confusing is that I also have many moments—like today and in the past few days—where I’ve felt really good and I’ve felt love for him. I feel awful writing this because my boyfriend doesn’t deserve this, and I feel like I’m posting out of habit. It makes me scared that I don’t want to accept the truth, even though I know I care about him. I hate feeling this way because it feels like I’m betraying him by having these thoughts and posting them. Has anyone else dealt with these feelings of sabotaging their relationship or feeling like they’re forcing themselves to stay? How do you cope when the thoughts feel like they’re true, and how do you work through the fear of letting go of anxiety

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I can't stomach how I feel

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