After being drained by an emotional vampire (narcissistic ex) and now home and jobless with my parents and a grandmother who drains all of us emotionally as well with her cries for attention and negative yelling all day, I’m completely drained. I’m hoping the market improves and I find work soon but I find myself unmotivated and barely leaving my bed. I’m eating and watching Netflix. Everything is just too much. I didn’t even shower for 2 days this week during the time I was trying to get closure from the narcissist and not getting any obviously. Finally discarded him for good. My friends are here and there but no one I can consistently talk to. I’ve been abroad so it’s kind of like out of sight out of mind. I have plans this weekend with an old friend but even that I’m exhausted for. Not sure how to get my energy back. Years of work in therapy on my self esteem and sanity and it’s all gone now after one guy and now made worse by my grandmother.

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm in a very similar situation. I'm not working, living with my grandmother who struggles mightily with OCD, and just split up with a woman who has all kinds of mental issues and treated me very poorly. Feel free to respond if you'd like to talk about it further with me. Seems we could help each other out.

Thank you for responding ❤️ I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time as well. My ex I met in Dubai. He was the perfect gentleman and lovebombed me. I lost my job and had to move with him a bit isolated from the city, and his gaslighting and other tactics emerged more and more. It got to the point he was making comments about leaving me without food and water and I didn’t know when he would get back so I pretended to wanna go off the balcony (I didn’t want to I was acting) just so he would stay. He would be passive aggressive and make me beg, I would sit anxiously not sleeping and I would use alcohol to cope which made me lash out at him multiple times. He sent me home for a “break” and would make me do sexy things on Skype naked while away until we reunited. He also took videos of my private’s before I left for home for his enjoyment he said (hoping my face wasn’t in them) He was acting hot and cold during the past few months I’ve been home. I found out by curiosity making a fake fb account that he had a fb he said he didn’t have. He tried to tell me I was crazy and couldn’t believe I was snooping. Then I found out he had a wife and kids. He blocked me and then when I went through mutual friends to get my stuff from him he unblocked me to tell me he wanted to get rid of me long ago but I kept begging and was helpless. Meanwhile a few weeks before I was the love of his life. He was mad he got caught. The ex he said moved away was near us the whole time in Dubai and she also had a horrible experience with him and said he’s been stalking and trying to get her back everyday since they broke up and he’s also a chronic cheater and pathological liar. He even told me he could’ve sent his private videos of me to my parents but he’s not like that but he knows that would trigger off my ocd. Told him it’s illegal and he knows because he’s a lawyer. My mom even said he’s too weak to do such a thing but still sets my ocd off. I’ve never been so drained in my life. No self esteem left. And I’m an anxious reck. The social isolation he put me through isolated me from friends and now even going to the grocery store I get anxious from all the people.

I'm sorry that's horrible, far worse than what I've been dealing with from the sounds of it. But a lot of people in this world are takers. He's one of them and used you to feel better about himself. Take whatever time you need to grieve. You did have feelings for him for a reason. But at least you know that you two are no longer together because he isn't good enough for you, and after some time, you can move on. You'll pursue happiness and find it. People like him can never be happy. He'll contact you because he needs you. Because he's a taker. You don't need him.

In a way I hope this makes you feel better about your situation. Sometimes hearing other stories make you feel like you’re not alone or that there are worse, although everyone’s problems matter of course. Feel free to type about it here as well if you want! I googled covert narcissist and he seems to fit that description. Talking with him is like going through a maze and he will never admit wrongdoings or give closure. My mom and I asked one more favor of him to help close my bank account in Dubai and after saying he would do it he blocked me so I finally just blocked him everywhere and took his other exes advice. He will lie and deceive people for the rest of his life. As for my grandma she is mourning my grandfather and he died 4 years ago. She has a lot of pain and has a walker so she’s frustrated. She prays God to take her life every night and yells at my mom if she isn’t keeping up with her needs. I can’t take it. My family is broke right now trying to get out of debt and my dad has my car right now. I can’t even do yoga in the house without hearing my grandma and my social anxiety is so bad now after my ex I can’t even go outside to the clubhouse to interact with the other townhouse complex members at the gym. When I moved to Dubai from New York last year I weaned off my meds and now I’m 26 and by law can’t be on my dads insurance anymore. My whole life was ok and I was doing well mentally for the most part, and now i feel like I’m back at square 1.

My grandmother was the only family member I really liked. I moved in with her a year ago because she is also having walking problems, but mostly because my parents were stressing me about my work situation too much. Things were good for a while, but she's a bizarre type. She tries very hard to be nice to people, but... she's old. She does it her way. If you want kindness in a different way, she does it her way anyway. So she would do things around the house that I could easily do, and would occasionally fall and hurt herself. It's very frustrating, and she never listens. She's very self-centered. And this woman I'm involved with is borderline, and also thinks she's demisexual, which seems correct to me. So I got involved with her, and things were great, then she suddenly got distant and broke up with me via text. She then accused me of trying to isolate me from the friend group (people I've known for 15 years, that she's known for a year), which I didn't know. I saw her again in the group much later, things went fine, she wanted to talk, so I met her later that week and things went well. Then my friend called me (we had another friend in town) and I told her I'd just call her back. Was taking my gal back to her car. Then she accused me of having been sleeping with the friend, and said she didn't trust or like me. I didn't talk to her for a month, but was very depressed and wanted to leave the state to find work (LA sucks) and texted her. She invited me over to talk, we unsurprisingly had sex, and started up something much more casual. I care about her, but kept my boundaries and it felt good, and she said that she trusted me a few different times so I know she was trying to be better. But the same thing happened. She got distant and I talked to her about it Friday after a party at her place, and she explained a lot to me, and it was super helpful. But she was also mean, and clearly is in a place where she doesn't trust me again, and was accusatory of things that didn't happen. It's very confusing, and very upsetting. She doesn't want a relationship and with how her sex drive is up and down, there's not much I can do. OH, also after we split the first time, my best guy friend basically became best friends with her. They now work together and he sees her outside of work about 3 nights a week. He really isn't sleeping with her though, I've got too many clues and he's told me, but it's nevertheless upsetting because I feel he chose her over me when there was no reason to. So he's kind of a bad friend. And I told him not to get close to her very early on, because he was hanging out with her late and drinking at his place like a week after he split, and it just looked bad. He slowed things up but now they're even closer. So I had a pretty rough talk with him again Wednesday when I realized that I keep making excuses for other people. I told him how I really felt, and basically told him he needs to be a better friend. I don't know what he's going to do. But yeah I can't get involved with her. I knew it was a bad idea last time but I'm depressive. I do want to be friends with her though. But right now I'm trying to focus on myself.

Ah Im sorry to hear that. I’ve been in a few situations like that in college. May I ask how old you guys are? Sometimes age can play a huge role. But her behavior also sounds similar to selfish need for narcissistic supply, going back and forth, hot and cold, based on her selfish needs. I would drop back and if you really matter to these people they will approach you. Sounds like they are both toxic. Communication is key to solving any of these issues but of course not all people can communicate in a healthy way due to personality dysfunctions. It’s times like these you find out who your real friends are. I would know from experience.

The boys are 29, she's 25. And yeah, I was in therapy Tuesday (second session) and my therapist was being nice but her main takeaway was that she's immature. She's right, I mean it's that or the borderline or demi or a conversation, but all that matters is how I've been treated. And yeah now that I've been extremely direct with my friend about how I feel, we'll see how he responds. He'll be treated as he treats me. He may well be a taker too. Thank you for your insight jazz, I hope this was helpful to you too!

No problem! Always here to help when I can. Don’t let yourself get to the level I’m at. Takers are emotional vampires. They will drain all of your positive energy. You will give and eventually they will suck you dry. At 26 I feel like I’m 50+. Want to relocate again but stuck in debt. Hopefully our situations get better with time. ?

Hi. Im no expert, but You don’t need unsupportive people around you. Do yourself a favor and don’t become what you dislike, don’t become what you complain about. Be you, support yourself, don’t let yourself down like they do when you need support. Listen to your needs. Be part of the human experience, without emotional drains. Nurture and harvest your energy.