Username: Alex0729

Date posted: 1y ago

Help! ROCD

Me and my Fiancé get married in 3 months. We have been together for almost 3yrs now. I started dealing with OCD and different subtypes around Mid 2022 without knowing it was OCD. (Im not officially diagnosed btw) Because I didn't know it was OCD for a long time all i did was confess and confess to my Fiancé, mainly things about my past some from my distant past and some from my more recent past. Eventually my OCD switched themes and all of sudden now i was having intrusive thoughts. Present intrusive thoughts that's when I learned about ROCD and I immediately felt identified. Anyways i was barely learning about compulsions and how to resist them so i was still not doing good regarding my confessions and i began to now confess my intrusive thoughts. Afterwards as OCD usually does i started obsessing over the most trivial things in my past, i started dealing with Real Event/False Memory OCD I confessed about that too. All the way to present time. I have gotten better at resisting my main compulsion which is confessing, yet i still fail from time to time. What has happened now is that my Fiancé is getting affected. She is the most patient, supportive & kind woman i have ever met. She is literally an angel from heaven and has been by my side through my/our darkest times. However lately she hasn't been feeling well. Due to our economical situation we've decided to move back to my hometown after the wedding. This is difficult for her of course because she has to leave behind. Family, Friends, her job and basically what has been her whole life till now. The thing is that she tell's me that all of that would be easier if she knew she was giving it up for something that's gonna last and she feels like my constant confessing and my intrusive thoughts is just me secretly telling her that I'm not sure about being with her. Keep in mind, she knows about my ROCD, I've explained it, we've read articles together, watched videos about it together. Even then she tells me to try to look at things from her side and how its not easy for her to deal with this change in her life and feel like she has to keep us together as well. I've also felt like OCD has changed who i am. I used to be confident, positive, spontaneous, detailed and romantic. Now all my energy seems to be focused on just getting through the day with my thoughts. So I understand that she hasn't been feeling swooned lately. Specially after so much time of me being the amazing boyfriend. I guess what im trying to figure out is how to deal with all of this. How do i deal with my ROCD and support my Fiancé at the same time. How can I reassure her i love her and that I don't have any doubts about being with her depsite what i feel or think. I don't mind my OCD hurting me or torturing me. But not her, i just want her to be happy. If anyone is going through something similar or has any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Life is so hard.

Username: SAHSAH

Date posted: 1y ago

I know what you mean. And how hard it can be. The OCD will make you feel so guilty like you’re a bad person and you don’t wanna be with her. I’m sorry this is happening. Unfortunately trying to explain ocd to someone who doesn’t have it can sound like you don’t wanna be with her. It’s very hard for others to understand. But I understand man. You just wanna be the best you can for her and your ocd is trying to tear it apart. Keep resisting your compulsions and try to keep your life simple and slow your mind down when you can. You got this brother.

Username: Alex0729Alex0729

Date posted: 1y ago

@SAH Thank you man, sometimes all i need is to hear it from someone else in order to know im not a crazy terrible person.

Username: Honeyshark Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

For the OCD, it’s all therapy and doing the work. For the life stuff - It kinda sounds like staying in the same place is important for her mental health? Is there another solution instead of moving to your hometown which will isolate her and make you both struggle?

Username: Alex0729Alex0729

Date posted: 1y ago

@Honeyshark I wanted to move out to her hometown, that was the initial plan. But once we started trying to make it happen we quickly realized that it is currently not viable with our current economic situation. However moving to my hometown is not a permanent move either. I don't even like it here and don't want to be here. I plan on it being temporary while we stabilize ourselves.

Username: Honeyshark Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

@Alex0729 Maybe it’d be good to get couples counseling for the upcoming changes ahead. Maybe find someone who understands OCD?

Username: Alex0729Alex0729

Date posted: 1y ago

@Honeyshark I have my first therapy session coming up with Nathan Peterson i was on the waitlist for quite a while. I'll ask him if he does couples counseling and discuss it with my Fiancé as well. Thanks.

Username: JRNDJRND

Date posted: 1y ago

I really relate to your story and I’m in a really similar emotional situation with ROCD and my fiancé. I’m still figuring it out myself and I actually have my first therapy session today 🤞🏻but I would be interested in messaging to have someone who’s going through something similar for support. I’m new to this app so I don’t know if direct messaging is an option but let me know. If not good luck with everything! I don’t know if you can look at my post history but you can check out the story I posted a few days ago.

Username: Alex0729Alex0729

Date posted: 1y ago

@JRND Hey there sorry to hear you're going through this as well. Unfortunately there is no direct messaging on this app and I can't see your post history. However id be open to talking it'd be nice to have a conversation with someone going through the same situation. Do you have any particular messaging app in mind. I also use whatsapp and iMessage.

Username: JRNDJRND

Date posted: 1y ago

Ya I could do either WhatsApp or iMessage. I’m not sure the best way to get connected without either of us having to post our info publicly. Any ideas?

Username: Alex0729Alex0729

Date posted: 1y ago

@JRND We could use another app like discord and then share our numbers privately there.

Username: JRNDJRND

Date posted: 1y ago

@Alex0729 Ya that works for me! I’ll create a discord account and then share the username here when I do.

Username: Alex0729Alex0729

Date posted: 1y ago

@JRND Sounds good let me know

Username: JRNDJRND

Date posted: 1y ago

Discord username is arroz19

Username: Alex0729Alex0729

Date posted: 1y ago

@JRND Got it ill send a request

Username: Alex0729Alex0729

Date posted: 1y ago

@JRND You should have a tag number as well

Username: JRNDJRND

Date posted: 1y ago

#0959

Username: Alex0729Alex0729

Date posted: 1y ago

@JRND Just sent you a friend request

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Ocd around the thought of getting married

This is just kind of a rant but any encouragement would be so much appreciated, thank you ❤️ I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is incredible, kind, funny, smart, hardworking, so so loving-just an extremely good person. In 2021 I developed or at least recognized my OCD. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety and depression, definitely quite the list. Each of these conditions mingle with each other and make life very difficult at times. At the beginning it centered around me being a bad person but slowly grew to be relationship OCD. I have fears that I don’t really love him, I’m not actually attracted to him, I’m going to cheat on him, he doesn’t make me happy or that he would be better without me and is a better person than me. Lately I have this fear that one day not to far away he will prepose to me and I won’t be excited. Or that he will feel more for me then I do for him, or that I will have to fake my excitement. I have this vision of myself feeling nothing when he asks me and having to fake it. It’s just such a sickening thought to imagine not feeling the intense joy I always knew I would feel if he proposed to me. It’s so strange because before I had bad OCD I used to dream of that day, I would ask if he thought he might prepose to me one day and if his answer wasn’t certain enough I would feel very sad. It’s terrible because I’ll get depressed and feel nothing positive for any aspect of the world-including my relationship, but OCD will take that and twist it into me not feeling anything positive for him. Which will in turn make me feel more depressed. You ever just want to hide and pause the world for a little while so you can catch your breath? It feels like the weeks go by so slowly but still suddenly I’m nearly grown up.

Username: Isabella G.

Date posted: 1y ago

I really need someone to talk to…

I am scared. I love my fiancé. I love everything about him with my heart and soul. I just feel so empty. I have ROCD if you haven’t noticed lol. I keep going in cycles and phases where I feel ok with my past trauma regarding my ex partner, and feeling like maybe the trauma is still there. If you’re asking now at this point if there’s any feelings involved- no. I don’t feel romantic feelings of the sort. But, I am so scared. I am scared to see this person in public, so I don’t go out. I am scared to think about this person because what if I am thinking about them because I want them? It’s triggering, and I always make sure to not ruminate. But, as I meditate and I do ERP, I find myself feeling more lost and more susceptible to the pain of it. The trauma does not pain me anymore, it’s the thought that I might never be able to give my fiancé the life he wants. So, now I have to contemplate giving up a future that I have thought about. Waiting to make the engagement public to my family, for absolutely nothing. I love this person, they have been pure and honest and open. I am young, still. What if I am just with the wrong person, and this isn’t the person for me? It’s all a facade and delusion the COUNTLESS times I have redirected my thoughts to just tell them “You’re wrong, I love this man.” As I sit here, on the verge of crying, I wonder…. Is it even OCD, or am I just a bad person for concealing the thoughts and not giving it direct attention? Most importantly, is the man I love the one for me? Or is it truly all a joke?

Username: Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

Unsure what to do.

Here we go again. That’s all it feels like. Just one big circle. I was doing much better but it seems like it’s this endless rollercoaster. There was a time in my life where OCD didn’t exist. I used to be care free and (still have plenty of issues trying to resolve with therapy don’t get me wrong) but it wasn’t like this. I have met this person who is truly the love of my life. The support, love, and giving kind of relationship we have is unlike anything I’ve ever known or even thought truly existed… and I’m ruining it. Not only does this man congratulate my small wins with me with my contamination OCD but also tries to understand as much as he can just so he can support and be there for me better. Somehow, someway I have now developed another form or encountered a for of ROCD. I’m acknowledging another form of something I do desperately need to conquer snd remove from my life. I feel so defeated and depressed to the point I really don’t see the point anymore. I have a great man who deserves none of this headache to begin with.. this is my battle not his and yet he has taken on thsi and willingly no less. I have always been confident. There should be no reason for insecurities in myself or us. But they are here, right now. Could it be a normal fix? Can it be something worked on.. if so, what does the ERP look like? I want to get better for me… but for him and my family as well. I’m tired of being this way, this person who has so many issues that never end, never stop. I try really hard to control my emotions and thoughts and it’s exhausting. I’m just tired and done with my own self and I either need advice and hope or I just don’t know what I’ll be able to handle anymore

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