I simultaneously want so much reassurance and to fully avoid talking about our relationship entirely. Does anyone ever experience this? Also, my ruminating is so bad if anyone has tips on how to catch and respond to ruminating please share!
I think what helped me with rumination is deeply understanding that rumination wouldn’t help me fix or solve anything- it was useless and unproductive. Because of this the past few days I’ve been able to catch myself when ruminating and focusing on not trying to ‘solve the problem’. My brain screams at me ‘but you need to solve it’ and will throw so many things at me to try and catch my attention but I do my best to not ruminate on them. The last few days I’ve been feeling a bit better and I think it’s because I’m ruminating less. Hope that helps/makes sense!
I have the same thing. I feel as if problem solving is the problem itself. There's no problem to solve, it's just an automatic negative thought that we focus on because it's ego-dystonic and probably clashes with our beliefs or self-image. We have lots of other thoughts that enter our heads and we don't think or ruminate on them. The initial thoughts are automatic, like dreams. They're random and weird and cant control the content. Maybe treat them like a dream and laugh at how weird or stupid it was, I'm trying that too. Dreams are thoughts we have when we sleep, they're just as automatic as the negative and positive ones we have when we're awake.
@Dee88 Thanks! I definitely know I DO NOT WANT to be doing it LOL and that it only makes things worse. It’s so hard because I know I can’t control my thoughts and the ruminations just sneak up on me and before I know it I’m having an imaginary fight in my head or searching for “evidence” in tiny exchanges. It’s exhausting
Hey, rumination is a tricky compulsion to identify as I've discovered that myself. I teach people with Adhd and I think I've found something I do with them, that may work for me and maybe others who ruminate. So with the ADHD students I have, there attention switches from one thing to another and find it hard to concentrate on what they're supposed to. The trick I have with them is to have background stimulation, I talk to them as they do something or there's stuff like fidget spinners, or music. This background distraction I feel grounds them, and they can focus a lot easier. With ruminating, it's hard to focus on daily life but the attention isn't so much divided for me but hyper focused on my thoughts. So when I catch myself ruminating, I can be doing it for a few minutes before catch myself. I think you'll gradually learn to catch yourself quicker as time goes on. What I'm trying to experiment with is allow thoughts in and have it as an imaginary fidget spinner in my head then concentrate on what I need to. Or, acknowledge the thoughts like it's a video or music track and press play, then have it play in the background like white noise while you get on with your day. If you're not doing anything and having a chill out day, it's hard or near impossible to do this. You'll want to do something while trying this. I believe there is a risk of creating a new compulsion if doing the same thing whilst trying this, so have a list of stuff you need to do and work on something that's on it. Or if you have literally nothing to do, switch up the distraction to avoid creating a new compulsion / ritual.
@Invalid wow that’s so helpful!! i have add as well as ocd and ruminating is one of my main compulsions! thank u for this info!
@ash🖤 Let me know if it works. I've only tried it for a few days and it seems good so far
@Grabby This actually really helped me!
@Dee88 Yay!
Thanks! This is helpful!
So my most current theme has been ROCD. It’s been nagging at me for the last 4 years. OCD makes me INCREDIBLY self critical and I often turn that internal voice on to my partner and can be incredibly critical of him. In essence, I’m almost subconsciously sabotaging my relationship which is the OPPOSITE of what I want. I’m looking for people who experience this same response and patterned behaviour. Share tips, in-the-moment awareness suggestions. Words of encouragement (not reassurance). OCD is such a trip lol
Are you scared of intimacy due to ROCD? And do you use sex as a compulsion to "prove" to yourself that you have (sexual) feelings for your partner. I just recently discovered this pattern for me and it is hard to deal with and also I kind of feel sad for my past me in past relationships. I have an amazing partner that wants to help me, but I know it's mainly myself that needs to work through this. Also at the moment I try not to ruminate about the whole topic, which is hard. Any advice?
I think I have relationship OCD. I will be doing great with my boyfriend then out of no where I get this intrusive thought that he thinks other people are attractive and has a wandering eye for others and I need reassurance immediately. And when he gives me reassurance, I think he’s lying. After like an hour of back and forth repetitive conversation I feel better, then the next day it happens again. Every. Single. Day. I freak out and blow up and need reassurance. I can’t tell if I’m getting these thoughts because they are true or because I’ve been with someone in the past who has cheated on me so I believe that all people get these thoughts. I’m so ready for a cure. Does anyone know what to do? I don’t want to live with this
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