ugh

hi everyone, i’ve been using this app for about 2 weeks now, maybe a little more or less than that, i can’t remember exactly when i downloaded it because these past 3 weeks have all been a blur. ive mostly just been lurking and observing other people’s posts and conversations. i’m currently suffering from some bad existential ocd. i haven’t been getting a lot of sleep since lockdown started. i’ve known i’ve had ocd for awhile now but i’ve never gotten any kind of help for it. i don’t talk about my problems to anyone and keep all my thoughts bottled up until i get over things on my own. but every time i go through a phase like this it gets worse each time it comes back. i haven’t felt like this in over 3 years and i thought i was done a finally free but now it feels like my life is over. i had a doctor’s appointment this past Tuesday and i’m going to be getting counseling (i’m not sure if there’s a difference between counseling and therapy, the word my doctor used specifically was counseling. she might have just said that but meant therapy or maybe there is a difference im not sure) but i don’t see the point. everyone tells me to ‘embrace the uncertainty’ but i don’t know how i can go on living happily with the possibility of my worst fears being true. i won’t say what they are in this post but if you’re curious I’ll tell you. i put a trigger warning just in case i get into the conversation of what exactly my worst fears are with anyone and i don’t want to trigger anyone who’s also dealing with the same problems as me. i just thought, in case im wrong-which i hope i am-that it wouldn’t hurt to talk it out right now. my mom and dad don’t fully understand and i don’t want to scare them and it might be a few more weeks before i start counseling.

i don’t understand what’s going on. All of the sudden i started having intrusive thoughts and I thought the “devil” had me and i was about to check myself into a mental hospital but then one of my friends who also has ocd told me that she has these too and i felt less alone. Then for like a day or two I was fine and then I went to therapy and was triggered (? idek) and the intrusive thoughts came back and now i’m even worse than I was before and I don’t even know what’s going on. I can’t figure it out and I can’t stop reading and posting on this dang app BECAUSE IM CONFUSED AND SCARED IM JUST SCARED and idk if this is reassurance seeking or what but I have my first therapy appointment with someone on here on wednesday but i’m scared that I won’t make it… Idk what’s going on and idek if I DO have ocd bc i haven’t been diagnosed

Hi everyone, I decided to join this app because I believe I need more support when it comes to being open about intrusive thoughts and how scary it can be to share them. Yesterday I had a therapy appointment and I decided to open up with her about a recent panic attack I had that followed with intrusive thoughts. I rarely experience them now or can mitigate the anxiety that comes from them because I am on medication, but I thought I wouldn’t be judged and felt comfortable opening up about them to my therapist. Following after that, she began to ask mandated reporter questions and I became scared because she seemed to think I would act on the thoughts I’ve had. So despite me opening up with her about them I feel like I can no longer share because people who have never experienced them think i would act on the intrusive thoughts, when in reality I know I would never and have avoided people, places, and things because of them. Intrusive thoughts are debilitating and cause people to question who they are and go into complete panic! And I guess I’m just frustrated because though there are people who understand it’s still very weird for others and it just saddens me.