Anyone who deals with Pure O, have a negative thought come into your head and you spend hours justifying in your head why that thought is wrong? Any suggestions what to do in this situation. For example, someone pointed out a minor mistake I made and I spend the next few hours in my mind trying to justify why she is wrong or why it doesn't matter what she said. I hope you understand what I'm trying to explain. Hard to put this stuff into words.

There’s this one situation that I haven’t stopped thinking about from last night . So basically, I was reading 'The power of Now' which is a book that I love so much and really got me into spirituality. It’s been so helpful for my OCD and rumination but it’s also been pretty triggering for it as of late, so I’ve taken a long break from consistently reading it. The excerpt I read was about abundance and how its not about being bountiful, necessarily in material things but realizing and being grateful for the things that exist in your life now and in doing so, you will open yourself up to more good things. I understood it but I re-read it a lot because I didn't feel confident enough to explain it to someone else. but otherwise I LOVED IT. It made me feel so at peace, I agreed with it, and it gave me hope to start focusing on the good things in my life rather than the bad. So when I went to bed I rehearsed myself explaining it to someone on a podcast and then all these questions started flooding in like “why should I only focus on the good and aren't we supposed to accept the good and bad? Aren’t those the values of Buddha and spirituality” “Ya, we're supposed to accept the good and the bad but why?- so we can feel more good??? And isn't the point of OCD to not label things as good and bad? and why should I focus on the good- so I can feel good? why should I feel good? because I'm worthy of it? why am I worthy of it? because I'm a good person and do good things? well I’ve also done bad things so why shouldn't I consider that. I just don’t understand why I should feel good without it being selfish. And then this went on for like 2 or 3 hours. Like holy shit. I over explain these ideas and concepts that I resonate with to the point where they don't even make sense to me anymore. It becomes very existensial very quick. And I’m not suicidal but these questions make me feel hopeless in society for some reason?? And myself. Like if everything contradicts everything then what’s the point to life? If nothing can be understood or explained in a senseful way, then how do people move forward and make decisions, like AT ALL? There’s never a right or perfect answer and I feel like with any decision I make in regards, I’m doing a compulsion either way. If I don’t answer them, then I’m avoiding it and if I do then I’m checking and seeking reassurance. I’m sorry if this was way too long and over-explained I just need some advice or to know if anyone can relate in any way. Also, I’m sorry if some of those back-to-back questions were triggering.

Hi, I'm writing this hopefully to get some advice and to see if anyone else relates to this. Recently my OCD has revolved around how well I speak and explain things to others and myself. So every time I speak, whether I'm explaining something or responding to someone or something, I'm always editing in my head immediately after. For example, my Roomate missed an appointment and I said to her "oh no, are you still able to get another one while you're here?" and in my head right after I was like, "Oh my gosh that was so wordy, people don't even talk like that, you should have just said 'can you still get one." I feel like there's a grammerly or chatgpt bot in my head always being like "oh, well you could have said it like this and phrased that part in the end rather than in the beggining, yada yada yada. I don't even remember how I used to talk and what a normal way of saying things even is anymore. I feel so dumb and scared to explain anything or even just speak but I also sometimes freeze and avoid questions in my head that I don't feel smart enough to explain even if I think I have an idea. I also edit other people in my head too which is so annoying, because I'm always mentally correcting them, when they really don't need to be corrected. I've always loved giving advice to people too but now I've become so bad at it and I don't even know what I'm saying half the time. I also have to answer every question that pops into my head perfectly and if I don't then I won't be prepared for when/if someone asks me. There’s never a right or perfect answer and I feel like with any decision I make in regards, I’m doing a compulsion either way. If I don’t answer them, then I’m avoiding it and if I do then I’m checking and seeking reassurance.

I can be way too hard on myself and beat myself up over the smallest slip up in regards to OCD. Sometimes it can feel like I'm gaslighting myself on what was "so blatantly and obviously a moral atrocity in thought and intent", when 95% of the time I'm not even sure what my own intent with dealing with these thoughts is or why I do what I do. It makes me feel like some shameless beast for "daring to even entertain the thought of something so VILE!!!" When I just get so confused and scared on moral issues, like my mind is pulled down a rabbit hole I can't escape until the tricks are done on me and it's too late, i've accepted such ideas I hate until that hate and trying to not give in convince me "it might not be that bad". It feels like anything, even the most mundane things can trigger this. This cycle happens mainly because I feel like there's "no way to escape committing more 'attrocities' in thought or compulsion anyway"...and these cycles become the basis for more of these incidents. there a way to stop this? There have been multiple times where I called myself the R word, and even knowing it's a slur I still called myself that because "I'm nothing if not deserving of such scorn". Any attempt to stop the madness makes it worse and it's like all this I talked about is so convincing I dare not question it until after the fact. Please help.