Struggling with guilt and perfectionism, seeking support and understanding.

Really just need some support right now

I always think I'm "wrong" or I'm going to be punished for something. For anything or any mistakes I've made even though most of them were years ago. For example, if I got into an argument with someone, or vented to the wrong person about something going on, I feel like I'm just a bad awful person. And that's just not true. I know a lot of this is a perfectionistic mindset and I just never know what to do or think about it. I try to redirect my thoughts but that's getting harder and harder to do. My home life isn't perfect and it seems like whenever someone is upset it's always my job to fix it or try to fix the situation. I try not to control the situation, I just try to be reassuring and do what I can to fix things but that seems like it isn't enough, either. I'm just worn down and broken down. And I'm tired. I battle my own mind every day and it just feels like I'm not getting anywhere.

Perfectionism OCD

Username: JordTheNordJordTheNord

Date posted: 1y ago

That is a lot for you to take on for yourself. Solving other people’s issues on top of your own OCD. I relate to both though! 100% you are not a bad awful person just because you vented to someone. I’m sure plenty of ppl vent to you and you do not feel like that towards them. So great for you calling out your OCD. Why do you think it’s getting harder to redirect the thoughts? Have you tried just letting them flow in and not engaging them? It’s really awesome you care so much and try to help and not saying you should stop but don’t help to the point of burning yourself out.Sorry your home life isn’t the most peaceful. That’s how mine was and still is (from childhood to adulthood). It does seem like you’re getting somewhere if you are knowing what are your OCD thoughts though! Plus it takes time! Have you tried ERP? Moving out if possible?

Username: cherylcsk7cherylcsk7

Date posted: 1y ago

Omg this is OCD… I’m reading through these comments and I always thought that my ocd manifested in very specific ways and that everything else was other trauma or illnesses but omg this makes me feel like it’s ALL the ocd …. Ummm is this fixable? I’d love for my brain not to be at way and for my body not to feel like it’s on fire constantly

Username: batswithbootsonbatswithbootson

Date posted: 1y ago

I absolutely understand you. And yes. OCD is fixable to a degree, I believe. Therapy has helped me very much. I'm not currently in therapy however I go back to a therapist in October! 🎉🎉

Username: batswithbootsonbatswithbootson

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you guys for the support and the supportive comments - I have made progress today, somewhat. I've been laying in the bed all day, but I just now got up and went to the store, and bought Pepto-Bismol (for my ongoing nausea), Theraflu, and a paint by number activity, and two crocheting kits so I feel that if I get up out of bed even for just a short time and DO something, I will feel better and less like a walking catastrophe. 😅 I'm not saying buying things is a solution. But I feel like if I just do something with my time, instead of laying about in my OCD/nausea/misery concoction, and go to sleep at a decent time, I might feel better come tomorrow. I hope so, anyway. @JordTheNord, yes. I feel as though I've gotten much better at identifying OCD and my tendency to self sabotage and ruminate. And YES. The lack of peace is what gets me the most sometimes. It's all just overwhelming. I can't move out due to my financial situation. Plus I need to be here to help my family. It's kind of one of those, "I want to, but I'm scared to, and do I really need to?" things.

Username: getwellsoon

Date posted: 4y ago

so i feel like i need to vent because all of this is just building up, 3 months ago when i had my first intrusive thought that caused an obsession that went on for weeks and then every other week a new intrusive thought would pop up and i’d obsess over that one. and it continues with multiple themes. some even similar to the one i’m dealing with right now but for some reason this one feels so much more real then again all the themes did. i really don’t know how to explain it, frightened if it’s just me. some days i feel completely numb to it like i’m a bad person but if that was so why would i keep fighting it and being in distress over it. it’s breaking my heart. i should know that it’s no coincidence since i’ve been dealing with this thing. whatever it might be ): i really don’t want to give up but i’m just scared. it all feels wrong and i feel numb or sometimes the ugliest stuff pops into my head. also the old themes have tried popping up again. i wonder if this whole thing is just my fault if it’s all just me but the truth is i guess i’ll never know... there’s so much more i could say... but i hope someone can relate to this... is it possible to feel just completely not like yourself like you’re trying so hard to just be the way you are but it’s hard because you have to sit with the fear inside your head... cause tbh there’s no other choice

Username: BigGyro09

Date posted: 3y ago

I'm way too hard on myself. It's affecting the way I think, the way I feel about myself, and my sleep. 3 days in a row I've been completely unable to sleep on time because of these thoughts. The good thoughts are never here and the bad ones are the ones that get the most attention. Everything feels boiled up inside. Any praise that I feel in myself seems short lived and the long term bad that come from events years and years ago seem to overwhelm me. Why can't I put this behind me? Why can't I just be at peace? Why is it that every day that passes I think about the fears that come with these intrusive thoughts? Is ERP seriously the only way? I can't stand this anymore. It never used to be this way before the pandemic hit. It never used to be this complicated, which is a word I despise saying.

Username: Brat545

Date posted: 18w ago

Advice on feeling like a “bad” person

Feeling like a bad person has always been one of my reoccurring struggles with OCD. I’m working through trauma therapy at the moment and recognizing a lot of stuck points, and connecting a lot dots in relation to my OCD. But I feel like even if I make a small mistake or mess up, I can’t give myself grace - and I assume I’m an awful person. Obviously, my realistic self reassures me I would never intentionally hurt someone or have malicious intentions in situations. But sometimes I go round and round, and even think the only reason I think or want to be a good person is because I’m scared of being a bad person? I know that doesn’t make sense but it fucks with me and I’m sure only this group would understand. Anyway, today for example: I got sorta mad at my bf because he was trying to smack my butt and accidentally hit my back. And I said “ouch, stop - you got my back.” - in literally the least menacing way. And we laughed it off and he felt bad. And then I just couldn’t help myself from apologizing to him because I felt like I overreacted somehow. He seemed very confused and was so sweet about it. But I just felt like I overreacted, and I told him that I felt gross - I was trying to prepare food and it caught me off guard. And he was like “no yeah, that makes total sense - you literally don’t have to explain yourself or apologize at all!”. But I just got into this weird mood now, where I’m convincing myself I’m a bad person and a bad partner. And he should be with someone who is truly the sweetest person ever and beautiful to add on to the obsession. Sometimes I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know I’m not a bad person but sometimes the OCD itself is very annoying. I feel like this wave has passed, and I’ve worked a lot on grounding myself and bringing myself to reality. Which is great! But I would really love to know if anyone else struggles with this kind of thing and what helps them in these times?

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Struggling with guilt and perfectionism, seeking support and understanding.

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